My ex and I were great friends before we started dating. Now we are apart and but we are trying to still be friends. I think it is inappropiate to continue to call her or have her call me sometimes. care about her a tremendous amount, but doesn't it make it harder if I still answer everytime she calls. I still love her as a friend, but do not want to drum up romantic feelings anymore...so when she calls do I answer?
Is it possible to still be friends?
2006-09-04 16:24:22 · 20 answers · asked by O Jam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
(Unfortunately) I have two ex'es.
Early in the marriage to my second spouse, my first ex and his girlfriend used to come to our house all the time. We had a lot of fun as two couples hanging out.
My second ex and I remained friends as well. We didn't hang out together or anything like that, but we exchanged email addresses and did, and still do, write periodically. We send "forwards" back and forth, as well as have some 'chit chat' emails as well.
My ex'es and I decided to remain friends for the sake of our children. We believed it would be much better for them emtionally if they saw their parents as friends rather than enemies who yelled and screamed and were hateful toward one another (my current husband had this problem with his ex, although HE tried to be friendly).
We have to consider the situation from the kid's point of view. From their standpoint, they love each parent very much... so either parent being upset or hurting the other will have a negative effect on them. In wanting what was best for our kids, even though we couldn't remain together, we knew that it was in their best interest that we got along.
When the first ex remarried (the girlfrien mentioned at first), she decided she no longer wanted to be "friends" with me, so we no longer hung out together. They moved and I haven't seen them since then although they now live only 20 mins away.
The second ex and I are still friends, even though our son is now 21-1/2 and married.
Two people may not be able to live in the same house together due to differences or clashes, but what happens after you're split is a conscious choice. You can either choose to be hateful, indifferent (cordial), or choose to remain friends.
If there are children involved, I would recommend that you do remain friends, if not for your own sanity (of not allowing marital problems keep you angry, hurt, etc.), but for the emotional health of your kids.
If there are NO children involved, then the level of friendship is up to each of you.
However, I believe anger, hurt, resentment, etc. from a break-up can be a disease that may fester up inside a person and create its own problems in a person's life. It's much better to let the past go, live for today, and look forward to the future, forgiving those that have wronged you, asking for forgiveness of those you have wronged, and remembering to "love thy neighbor as thyself"... and that includes the ex.
Best wishes to you!
2006-09-04 16:43:47 · answer #1 · answered by CoasterCrazy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is, though I think it depends on how good of a note you broke up on. AND, I do think some time (and I mean months and months ....and months..lol) before that can be attempted. Once you have both moved on with another, you might find that you can regain some semblance of a friendship. I managed to do so with my X-husband...it took years - but now? We are truly friends.
I think you must continually make it known that you love her as a friend ONLY. At the slightest sign from her of wanting to "drum up romantic feelings", as you had said...nip it directly in the bud - gently but directly...Just simply don't allow it to go there. Only if she persists on doing just that, would I call start not answering the phone..I would just say to her that you have asked her not to go there, and since she persists against your wishes, you don't feel that now is time for you two to be talking...then don't answer the phone. But...see where it goes first.
2006-09-04 16:31:52 · answer #2 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to still be friends only if neither of you feel romantically toward one another. If you don't and she does, there will be jealousy and hard feelings in the future. Sometimes it is best to agree to take a small break from communicating to allow the thought of having a loved one to go away. Then to ease back in to friendship.
It is really hard to stop talking to each other because you are used to talking all of the time! But it is good to establish a sense of self without the other person again. Take the time to get in contact with old friends again. That's what they are for!
Good Luck!
2006-09-04 16:33:21 · answer #3 · answered by stillnessistruth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to still be friends, but not TOO good of friends. trust me. i'm in a messy situation because i never truly let go of the connection with my ex. Now there's the new guy, and the old guy...and me! Make sure all romantic and sexual ties are severed before you become close to her again. Make sure that kissing her and holding her hand is not instinct anymore. If you don't wait, you could mess up future relationships and be confused altogether. Don't reject or ignore her, let her know you care, but that you both should try to drop the romantic and sexual feelings.
2006-09-04 16:28:10 · answer #4 · answered by Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i've been with my boyfriend now for 3 years on and off. i love him so much that when we're not together i feel as if i cant go on without him. he always said it was too hard to be my friend but i was the opposite, i thought that if i couldnt be with him then i would love to be his friend. i guess i just wanted him in my life one way or another. but the thing is, if you still have feelings for that person, even if they're not that strong...you'll probably still end up hurting for some reason. you wont want her to talk to anyone because it will still hurt you. you'll end up wanting to spend more and more time with her and she may not feel the same. but then again it could work out for you and you may end up being the best of friends again, you never know. so now when she calls dont just follow your heart, listen to your head too, and when you really take the time to think you'll know if you should answer the phone or not!! i say good luck because love is a rolar coaster ride!! i hope things work out for you.
2006-09-04 16:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by LaLa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex is my best friend. Anytime I am happy or sad, want to drink a beer, or just want to go to a movie he is in. We lived together for two years and he knows me sooo well. If I am being a ***** in a new relationship he is the first one to call me on it. If I am worried, he knows me well enough to calm me down. But there are not romantic feelings on either side. We just made it together for so long DUE to the extreme friendship. Don't make it a bad thing, things change.
2006-09-04 16:28:15 · answer #6 · answered by JULIE J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it is a good idea to still be friends with an ex. I think it would be better to move on. But that is my opinion, some people can be friends with their ex it all depends on the situation. By the sounds of it, I wouldn't be friends with your ex if I were you, I think it would be easier if you just moved on and honestly in the long run you will eventually anyways, right?
2006-09-04 16:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you need more time apart before you can work on friendship?? It is possible to be friends with the ex.... however, it isnt recommended. Dont answer every time she calls if she is calling too much. Just talk to her when you feel like it
2006-09-04 16:27:51 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you want to continue on being friends with her you have to realize that you are JUST FRIENDS and when you call her talk to her in a way that you do with people who are just your friends or how you did before you dated, topics like sex and dateing other people are probbly really aquward so I would stay away from that catagory.
2006-09-04 16:28:13 · answer #9 · answered by Ally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's possible, it would be kind of weird, but it's definetely possible. It would be weird because you guys went out so you wouldn't look at each other the way you used to before going out and being great friends, anything's possible though ;)
2006-09-05 15:15:35 · answer #10 · answered by unknown 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋