I work extremely hard at my job and provide a good living for my wife and my child. However, in doing this, there are times when I have to put in a 12-14 hour day for a week or two at a time. Of course, my wife is not happy with it. I end up working an average of 50 hours a week year-round and sometimes it is closer to 60-65.
I think I am doing what is best for the family. Am I unreasonable? Honest advice is appreciated.
2006-09-04 16:16:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk it over with your wife. Get an understanding on what both of you want in life. I gather that you are working long hours to earn more money so that you can provide more material comforts for your family. That is admirable, but it may not be what your family wants. They may find that having more of you with them gives them more happiness than the material comforts.
For myself, I follow the the rule, "Work to live, and not live to work". Isn't that what's life about?
2006-09-04 16:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by Puzzled 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and discuss with your wife what is best for you, her, and the family as a whole. In my opinion a few really long days once in a while is not too bad but once it is all the time you will miss things that you'll have wished you haven't. Life is short and money isn't the most important thing in the world. On the other hand, a job is needed to survive. You'll just have to work out a happy medium.
2006-09-04 23:23:13 · answer #2 · answered by spezlee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a work/life balance plan..fast!! I work normal 13-15 hour shifts on my job & it is over nights!! (which made it even worse). My husband works 48 hours a week on days so we had the same arguments so I understand your delima. It is hard on you and your family. First of all I suggest talking with your wife. Get all the issues out on the table & Let her know it is not easy on you to pull the long hours..(sometimes they forget it is us going through the strain of long hours too) or that it isn't easy for us to be away from them either. Find out what she is feeling. Let her know you care and want to resolve this issue. Then talk about your financial obligations..are you living beyond your means so you have to work the overtime to pay the bills? If she does not work then she needs to know how working less hours will effect your finances! If she still wants you to cut back on the hours Then find out if she is willing to work part time to subsidise the income? Or Is she willing to give up extras to have more time with you? If not then you need to pick one day a week and make it totally for you and your family to spend together. No exceptions! Turn off the phones if you have to, leave the house and go to a park..anything but NOTHING should interfer with your family day. On the other hand you need to do it for yourself! You are of no use to your family if you burn yourself out and let your health slip. You need to rest and regenerate at least 1 day a week. Your job will survive 1 day a week without you - if it can't then I suggest a new career because your health and your family are worth it. I know I was faced with the same situation but my husband and I found that Family Day is the best thing we ever came up with to spend quality time relaxing together and still make our financial obligations and style of living too. It isn't easy but if you both work together it can work out for the best!Good Luck!
2006-09-05 09:41:46 · answer #3 · answered by lil redneck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who spends the money,you or your wife. If it's her spending the money ,before you start saying anything take a good look at what its spent on.Maybe bills and necessities or is money being wasted by both or just one.Did you dump everything off on her shoulders to free your self of any and all responsibility except that of being the bread winner.And if that's the case you are a lousy husband and father.
She obviously feels neglected and would appreciate having a mate around,one whom is as committed to the marriage and family," just as she is".Further more having a marriage and family takes a lot of work and emotionally you only get back what you invest in it .
2006-09-05 02:28:18 · answer #4 · answered by nighneev 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What will the both of you be happy with? Have you ever asked her? If she likes her lifestyle, then she has to give too. If you are actually happy with your work hours then, the more power to you. Sounds like you may have to financially decide if you can quit the extra hours or not.
But I also think some weekend planning needs to be done for family time. Make plans and make them wisely. Dont forget to make the time for dates with your wife in between.
2006-09-04 23:25:16 · answer #5 · answered by Julie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a personal decision. Y'all need to decide what's more important, having a husband and father around or having money. I don't think 50 hours is unreasonable (depending on commute time), but 65 is pushing it. You'll miss special moments with your child that you can never recapture.
2006-09-04 23:19:47 · answer #6 · answered by Lady J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps start your day earlier, to get more of your work done. I don't think that you are being unreasonable as long as you are not missing things in your family life for work. It is important to remember what is the most important thing in your life. Working long hours without your family would not be worth it.
2006-09-05 03:25:20 · answer #7 · answered by skiguy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im working up to 60 hrs or more per week and my fiance works up to 50 hours per week you do what you have to do we both make good money but i realized that what good is all the money when you never see youre family make time for home time but you sitll have to do what you have to do ...relax it will all work out btw im a girl and i work on a drilling rig with all guys and my fiance works construction and i have a 6 yr old boy we alternate with his dad we get along great and we try to help each other but take time off a few days a month to stay home and make special days for youre family send youre wife to the spa with her girlfiends and send youre kids to water world with a friend and spend some mom and dad time alone but dont forget to spen time together
2006-09-05 00:05:28 · answer #8 · answered by lismo2121 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the answer lies in doing top quality things with your wife and child. Also make sure you have one on one time with your wife and plan something romantic on a reg basis this will help with the disharmony your wife feels when you do work long hours women need to feel special loved and appreciated.
Good Luck
2006-09-04 23:24:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, who needs the money? Is the the one who wants all the expensive stuff or is it you, or is this necessary just to get by?
If it is her who spends it -- so when would you get time to go to the store to buy junk? -- then tell her if she can live on your 40 hours, you will be willing to cut back.
If you are the one who thinks you need to earn that much money to be a good husband, try to understand why you think so. If they are willing to live on less, but you are driven more and more to make more money, you need to do some soul-searching.
We used to call guys like you, "overtime hounds."
2006-09-04 23:28:22 · answer #10 · answered by retiredslashescaped1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋