Whats wrong with me?

Question

I always leave men after sex, and because of that I've never had a relationship that's lasted more then 1 month, ever. I realize thats using them, but I don't know why, I just always have this feeling I should brake it off before things get too serious and I get hurt. I've never been dumped before and I don't ever want to be. How can i stop doing this?
I am also sexually attracted to girls-yet I don't believe I could ever.....be with a girl in that way. So what does this mean, am I bi?

Lastly, ALL the men I've EVER dated have been bisexual--and I think subconsiously I like that--and I have no idea why, although I really do like to see guys kissing.
Am I just sexually and ethically messed up?

Please answer seriously, and don't critisize my preferences, but please give me your veiws.

Answer 1

Okay, here goes, but I warn you, I'm not a shrink nor do I play one on TV.

You have already answered the "leaving guys" question; you're deathly afraid of getting hurt first. Apparently someone close to you has let you down either (a) in a way that hurt REALLY bad or (b) too many times.

As to the Bi thing. No, I doubt it, but women do tend to be far more curious about it than men. Don't know if statistics bear me out, but I've got a whole lot of conversations under my belt that prove women find the female form attractive as men do, but men do not generally think of men that way. My guess for your situation: 100% natural reaction.

As to the Bi man attraction; I think this goes to the first problem. You can justify never getting too close to a man who is attracted to men and women because you can rationalize that it would never work out, anyway.

I don't think you're sexually or ethically messed up at all, you simply have, as most folks do, a few issues to resolve with yourself.

As to how you stop doing this, whatever this you mean, you simply have to step up to the plate and realize that being with a partner of either sex means commitment and/or occasional pain. In the end, though, as the very old saying goes, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. And about that, I am serious. Love is awesome even when it ends, because I believe it never does. I believe somewhere inside me, I have love for every person I have ever loved and I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to tell anyone that.

I think you're fine. Stop worrying and start loving! :)

Answer 2

I think that in your next relationship, you should try not sleeping with the guy and get to know him. Maybe wait 3-4 months since you obviously don't make it past the one month mark. Also consider the fact of catching an STD. Condoms don't always protect you from everything. Experience life in other ways, getting dumped my not be so bad, especially if you haven't slept with him. It's just his lost, and you can still move on. You do have some psychological issues. You are not really using them, they are using you up. Your body is going to be so worn down by the time you do find that special someone. You may regret you drastic choices later in life. Think about it before you give yourself to another man that you're not Even sure you'll be with a month from now. You are worth more than that!!!

Answer 3

First, take a deep breath....Okay, so you are having questions and discomfort and it sounds like you have a commitment issue. If you never risk being hurt, you will never gain the kind of love you are looking for. If you aren't sure you want to be with a woman try a threesome and gauge how you like that. Maybe you feel like a woman would better understand your emotional side and be able to give you support and comfort in a way that a man hasn't been able to? That being said, it doesn't sound like you've given any man a chance to do that for you, with your relationships being over so quickly. Maybe you should try to wait until you really know the guy before you sleep with him too; just a thought. Anyway, good luck and don't worry so much, worry doesn't really help anything anyway.

Answer 4

I think you are running out so they don't beat you to the punch and leave first. Being attracted to girls and wanting to touch them are two different things. It is normal for a straight woman to appreciate another woman's beauty. (Men don't do this.) How old are you? There is a time in every teen early 20s of sexual questioning and curiosity (not meaning everyone considers the same sex, but wonders what sex might be like another way and that may be with the same sex) You are normal.

To stop will be really hard because you have to let yourself be vulnerable. You have to take the chance that someone may want to stay with you, but with that you take the chance they may leave. You can not find love if you do not open yourself up to it.

Answer 5

I would suggest not introducting sex into your relationships. Truth be told, the guys you are sleeping with are probably (for the most part) not too terribly broken up about getting a "free ride" (pun intended) without risking any emotional investment. In fact, unless you meet men from entirely different circles, you run the risk of getting a reputation of being easy and letting them off the hook fairly quickly.

So who is using who, really?

In any event, since you brought it up, I would suggest that sex is the trigger that causes you to lose interest in the relationship, for truly, this pattern could not be entirely due to your not wanting to be hurt in a relationship....at some point you would have to have found someone with whom you desired to go deeper, or you were pursued after the breakup to the point that you'd want to try harder. What you are probably figuring out for yourself is that sex used so indiscriminately is ultimately unsatisfying. So why continue to participate in it so easily? I think the fear of being hurt and the ease to which you will "give it up" go hand in hand, they both show signs of a poor self-concept.

In fact, given that, I would suggest even taking a break from relationships altogether until you can learn how to give yourself more respect.

As for the rest (your preferences), since they don't really enter my answer, I will not comment on them.

Answer 6

Have you ever been curious of exploring your boundaries sexually? You said you don't see yourself with another girl, but what if it was in a three-way or group orgy.

As far as your relationship part, if you are not ready for a relationship don't rush it. All I can ask is be honest with the guys you deal with...trust me they'll understand. Don't be picky on who you let close to your true self just be careful and only if you feel sure of the situation take the next step.

Answer 7

You just need to learn to accept yourself. Maybe if you were to hold off on sex for a while so that you have time to get to know the guy, you will not feel the need to run from him. You need to give you and the guy a chance to know each other before sex.

Also, your sexual attractions do not make you "messed up". They just make you unique. A unique individual is what you are. Many people have extremely quirky attractions, but no one knows of them because they refuse to admit these attractions. Just be comfortable with yourself and you will find the right guy that, instead of making you make a dash for it, will make you want to run to him. It takes time, perserverence, and EFFORT.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I think that you are bi-sexual even if you do not want to admit it.. If you find women attractive then you are.

You should not be so paranoid about having a relationship with men because if you never been dumped, you should not worry. Maybe you believe in your heart that you are Bi-sexual this is why you do not want to have a relationship with no man...

If you keep having these issues, you might need counseling professionally. (Good Luck)!!!!

Answer 9

Were you molested as a child or did anyone do anything inappropriate to you. If not then I think you answered your own question, you don't want to be hurt and you're afraid to let your guard down to let someone love you. Eventually you'll have to let someon in though or else you'll never be able to have a long relationship. Watch the movie Along Came Polly with Jennifer Aniston.

Answer 10

I don't have the answer, but I do know where you might find them for yourself. Do a program called the Landmark Forum. You can find out more at their website: landmarkeducation.com. The program is designed to uncover the answers to things we do, and don't understand why. Behaviors that we would rather not do, or want to understand, but can't stop. I hope this helps - it made a huge difference in my life. Good luck. PS nothing wrong with you at all.