Do I go or not?

Question

My boyfriend has FORBIDDEN me to take our son to visit his mother . His stepfather has moved back into the house after leaving his mother while she had a life threatening illness ,among helping her lose her house, and turn her on to drugs, and messing around w other women he resents his stepfather. My b/f has not been very open with me of details of him and the stepfathers relationship, but just forbids me to take our son to see he. We saw his mom on the street last week and he drove off when she looked our way. His mother calls daily and he refuses to speak with her. I spoke w/ her and she has requested for me to bring my son and her dog (which we now have) b/c she missed them and wants to visit w/ them. Am I wrong to go behind his back and take the dog and our son to see her? His mother is 66 and has no car. My son is two and can speak well enough to say grandma. I don't want more drama but I believe my b/f is being an ***, what would you do?

Answer 1

It would be wrong to completely disrespect his wishes (how would you feel if he did it to you?). This is a serious subject that requires further discussion. Tell him what you've told us and ask him to help you understand why a grandmother shouldn't see her grandson. There may be very good reasons. Or perhaps you could come to a compromise.

Answer 2

Taking the child behind his back is going to make more problems for the two of you. Are you ready for it? If his mother has been using drugs maybe you shouldn't take your child. If my mother or mother in law was doing drugs, they wouldn't see my child. What if the mother in law came to your house or some neutral place? Is it that he doesn't want his mom or the stepfather around? Try talking to your boyfriend first. You say your son can speak. Can he speak well enough to tell Daddy he saw Grandma?

Answer 3

I don't think it's wise to take your son to see her without your bf's knowledge. You should let him know that his mother is old, and deserves to see her grandson and at the very least, her dog. It sounds like he's being immature and pouty about it. But it seems that your bf has issues with the stepfather more than her. How about you pick Mom up and bring her over? Why couldn't that work? That way, he wouldn't have to see the stepdad, and she could spend some time with you all.

Answer 4

Don't go.

Your boyfriend grew up knowing his mother. You didn't. He knows how she is, he knows how his stepfather is. You don't.

One of both could be child molesters.They could be abusive, they could be drug addicts, they could be horrible people. Or they could just be people the he doesn't want having contact with his son.

You don't know the whole story. Maybe you can never know the whole story.

I was abused as a kid. I was harmed. I was raised by people that I don't want anywhere near my daughter. My husband doesn't know the whole story, though he does know most all of it (bits and pieces come up and he finds out, I'm not keeping anything from him). He knows what's important. He knows that our daughter isn't going to be anywhere near my blood relatives for any reason. He accepts this because I know them and he, thankfully, doesn't.

If it is your child's father's wish that he be kept away from these people, accept it. You don't know what kind of hell they could put your son through... but he does.

Answer 5

I would be very carefull of this whole situation. He obviously has very deep reasons for not wanting his son to meet her, but he should tell you why that is the case. Whatever you do dont go behind his back. I would try to find out off his mother why, without prying to much.

Answer 6

It is asking for TROUBLE to go behind your boyfriend's back and take your son to see the grandmother. Sounds like there is more of an interest in why he doesn't want to talk to his mother than why he doesn't want his child around her. It is dishonest to take the child to see the grandmother behind his back, and it will cause problems within your relationship. Frankly, it is his perogative to tell you about the past in his time-frame; not yours, and he deserves respect concerning these matters.

Answer 7

I would not do it behind his back. It is his family. Just keep talking with him and trying to convince him he needs to give his mother another chance. Maybe not his stepfather.... but his mom. He will regret one day if he does not see her.

Answer 8

Take the dog to see her. Give it back if you can.

Then you ask your boyfriend this....

If she was diagnosed with a terminal illness tomorrow, would he continue this way or stop? If the answer is stop, then stop now; she could be gone and he will live his life filled with regret. If the answer is continue this way knowing she is dying, then you need to honor his wishes. Its is a deep enough hurt for him that it won't be fixed anytime soon.

Answer 9

I think you should take your son to meet his grandmother. It is very important for a young child to keep in touch with all his family members especially his grandparents. He's very lucky that he has a grandmother that cares for him so much. Even if daddy can't settle his differences between his parents, your son should not have to suffer. You want him to grow up with positive influences in life and right now seeing his grandmother would be just that.

Answer 10

well... if i was you... before i took my son there... id find out why he didnt want you to in the first place... and if he dont talk or dont wanna talk about it... tell him that you are taking the son over there unless he gives you a resaon not to... but you never know... your BF might not be an *** hole... he might have a good reason...