My ex passed ehight years ago and I found out three months ago. Now the thing os this I was told id was either accidental or suicidal tha doesn't help much when it comes to closure. Ever since I found out my heart has been heavywith a wholelot of guilt. I dumped him over a stupid jealousy issue that could've been worked out. He was in germany serving in the army at that particular time. I saw him three years later and the thing is that he never wrote me or tried to find me when he came for visit. I fugured if he cared enough he would try to locate me and try toget some answers. Well when he cam back he wanted to know if I was seeing someone else ans I was so I told him the truth. He ws super heated. I don't get it how could he possibly me angry at me when he never even tried to look for me at that time. For me it was over , but for him I guess it wasn't. The last time I sawhim this was like a few days after the confrontation. Youcould see it on his face that he was hurt.
2006-09-04 14:29:28 · 12 answers · asked by friend 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That day I was at a lost of words choked and didn't say anything. He just stood there and said nothing and then he left. That was the last time I saw him alive. To this very day two relationships later I still hate myself for not telling him how I really felt about him. I never event ried to tell him that I loved him or even thanked him for asking me to prom and making the it most unforgettable night of my life. He was my everything and now he'll never know the truth . I feel horrible and I can't help but hate myself for not telling him these things. Now matter how hard I try to think of the good times we shared it just makes me feel worse and even more guilty. How can I make all of this guilt and sadness in my heart go away? I haven't spoken to his family in years and I don't knokw what else to do? Seroius answers this is about my life. Please show some compassion.
2006-09-04 14:37:04 · update #1
It's not his death being about me it's about how I could've handle myself so would not have winded up in this situation in the first place. I don't even feel comfotable visiting his grave it's like I get this bad feeling that I'm going to run into trouble if I stay, it's an intuition thing.
2006-09-04 14:40:57 · update #2
You guys have given some great answers thanks.
2006-09-04 15:34:13 · update #3
The only reason why you are feeling that way is because you know you will never have closure or get to see him again.
You are being a little eccentric, however I understand. The only thing that you can do is goto his grave and have a talk with him. Tell him everything you wanted to tell him and appolgize, if necessary, if you felt you did him any wrong.
Closure is extremely hard when the other person passes away, however you cannot continue to beat yourself up for it if you dont at least pay your respects and speak with your heart. Sometimes, that is better than closure.
2006-09-04 14:35:27 · answer #1 · answered by yadedyah_dc 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you could use some counseling. Find a minister or therapist and talk it out. A lot of hopitals offer grief counseling. Many universities offer free or low cost counseling services. Find a professional who can help you put this all in perspective. Guilt is not a constructive emotion. The sooner you can get some help working through it the better off you will be.
2006-09-04 22:05:44 · answer #2 · answered by Lleh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your lost, if he died 8 years ago and you just find out that mean you have let go of him a long time ago
so you feel guilty well the guilt will notchange anything
What you can do is have closure and that is go to his grave side and talk
Good luck
2006-09-04 21:38:21 · answer #3 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your loss. You cannot change what happened in the past, so it's best to just find a way to move on. Sometimes if people are in the military stationed overseas, or even just living in another country...mail gets lost. Could be you and he were both wondering about the other. Don't torment yourself with grief...you have moved forward with your life
2006-09-04 21:37:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being away from everyone you know can make a person lonely. He may have realized somethings while being over there. It may have made him miserable! But you can never blame yourself for someone elses actions. Each person has control over their choices and he made his, you didn't. You had the right to move on and most people would have. You have no real idea on why he passed away, it may have not even had to do with you.
2006-09-04 21:36:26 · answer #5 · answered by monroe1172002 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of al in reasding this mixed up mess why would you even care for someone who who wouldent even look at you for your lifes achmivements, goals expactations there hons?? and almost io years dragged bye and your finding out what months ago?? okay you want closure when you really had nothing in comon with this what i will cal a stranger, thats about it you both went your seperate ways years ago hons, so what as too how he diedd/ why would you be filled with guilt when there was clearly nothing there nothing?? or did you secretly have something for him on the insides hons never could ge the nerve up?? hapenns in life. okay you dumped him the old jealousy thing ruins a lot of peolpes lives. okay at that time he never wrote back or nothing he dident want you over the jealousy thing. and he actually came back and got super heatedd hey hm again nothing in common nothing!! and were you seeiing someone else at times hons?/ at least you wre honest with him hons/ yes for the both of you it was over its jealousy think about it never would have workedd over with from the start. we are soroe hons your frind is dead or what ever its time too hit the highay on this mess it would never have worked, jealusy distancess miles, people change hit the highway forget itt it waas never there thats life--
2006-09-04 21:40:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you just now seeking closure? Is it because he's passed away? Don't hold a pity party, but to keep it real, there is nothing you can do to settle it with him so memories will have to do. Just try not to dwell on the bad ones.
2006-09-04 21:33:37 · answer #7 · answered by Buttercup_5 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
things happen in our lives for a reason.
i don't know the whole story so u need to take some time and do some retro-specting.
maybe if u figure out what the meaning to this was, it will give u some closure
2006-09-04 21:34:14 · answer #8 · answered by wensday 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't spend your life waiting and wondering what others were thinking of your reactions. If this person was interested in you they should have shown it. You have not made any mistakes by moving on with your life and trying to better yourself. The problem lies with him not you.
2006-09-04 21:33:33 · answer #9 · answered by Nick 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you need to realize that he never fought for your love. So, you moved on. quit feeling guilty and just go visit his grave and tell him how you feel. if that doesn't make you feel better , go see a therapist.
2006-09-04 21:55:34 · answer #10 · answered by joy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋