I'm 26 yrs old and live at their house with my daughter because I am finishing up a Master's degree and can't afford to be out even though I desperately want to (my job pays for my school). My daughter's father left us long ago and so it's really been hard. The problem is I'm all stressed out living at my mother's house. I get talked down to too much and can't take it. We don't have an appropriate relationship because she sees me as a child still and they want total control. I feel like we never get along and I don't want to feel that way. I've tried approaching her with the way I feel but it does no use. How can I make our relationship better?
2006-09-04 14:26:39 · 7 answers · asked by Venus 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Damn! My hat's off to you! Master's Degree, work, a child without support from the father AND you have to live with your parents! That's a lot for one person to deal with. You deserve some respect!
Can you give some sample of what your Mother says? Do you help around the house, do your own laundry, pick-up after your daughter or help with meals?
Unfortunately, parents will always treat their adult children like children. I remember my 85-year-old grandmother calling my 65-year-old father a "kid". My in-laws do the same to us. But at some point, you have to put your foot down and point out the facts - all that you are doing for you and your daughter and your plans to leave (once you've saved at least 3 months of rent). As long as you show respect for your parents, they should return the respect! If you can't sit down and talk like adults or they just won't listen, write it out. Write it carefully. Wait for a day, re-read your letter and, if it sounds right, give it to them with a request for a reply or a discussion.
You're living in their house so you do have some house rules to follow but at 26, you shouldn't be treated poorly.
2006-09-04 14:56:27 · answer #1 · answered by APT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The easiest thing to do is to let it go. Although you feel like your mother talks down to you and treats you like a child - you have to just take a few deep breaths and try not to get heated about it. Your parents are doing you a huge favor by having you live with them. I am sure (privately) they feel annoyances over some of your behavior. It's always difficult to be an adult and live with another adult. Mixing two families (even families that are part of the same family) is hard. If you truly want a better relationship with your parents you will figure out what is important - -- your relationship with them - - or your need to be right in any given situation.
This does not mean that you should let your parents dominate your life and treat you like a baby. Continue to live your life and do the best you can - - just make choices on what you are going to let get under your skin.
2006-09-04 21:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to realized that you will always be your mothers child, regardless of the fact the you have one of your own. As you age and get out on your own you will find that your mother's advise is both wise and street smart. Instead of feeling that she is treating you like a child, listen and see if you can't find some of the wisdom that she is trying to impart.
Since you are working and going to school, is she the primary person that takes care of your daughter? Does she cook all the meals, do all the cleaning and laundry, do all the shopping, etc. Are you contributing financially to the household.In plain words, are you doing your part to earn the title adult in her eyes. Do you see where I'm going with this, if you still totally depend on her then you are doing nothing to change your image.
Try to appreciate all the things that she is doing for you and tell her so. Then tell her that you are trying very hard to become a woman that she can be proud of.
2006-09-04 21:39:37 · answer #3 · answered by kny390 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could possibly have the same situation some day with your own child. I certainly hope not, but you would then see it in a much different way than you are looking at it now. A few words from a stranger can't fix your situation, but you can work at it.
I lost my parents many years ago. I wish I could tell them I love
them once again. But you still can do that. I know it is hard for
you too, but just hang in there. It will be better one of these days.
If you are all healthy that is a true blessing, Just look for the
best 3 things you can count in a day, and if you can do that you
still have a lot to be thankful for.
2006-09-04 21:52:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Living with parents when you have a child...I never see as a good thing. They have their rules for their house, so that means you kind of have to raise your kid how they see it. I would personally, try to get a school loan. Then you could afford a place to live and not have to pay for school until you graduate. Moving out, will better your relationship with your mom!
2006-09-04 21:31:42 · answer #5 · answered by monroe1172002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your father maybe? If your mom is just one of those unreasonable people in life, and there are, you may be stuck till you finish school. A Master's degree, if you were my daughter I would be very proud of you. As a woman who did not finish her education, I am very envious of you. To do that takes alot of work, maybe not paycheck work, but alot of work to get it and it will help yours and your daughters future, not to mention the example you will show your daughter !!!. Way to go!!!
2006-09-04 21:33:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u can pray , im over 30 and things just never ever change. its only some days are a little better then others but i think deep down inside they much feel bad when they treat us bad. good luck
2006-09-04 21:34:16 · answer #7 · answered by 1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋