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Okay.. well.. this is a pretty weird question..but I need some advice. I have a pretty low self-esteem most of the time. When I say to myself, "okay.. jule..you look great today.. or okay, jule..you can do this" I feel like I'm gloating.. and it'll just be the complete opposite. So basically.. how do you have self-confidence but be humble at the same time?

2006-09-04 13:48:55 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health Mental Health

5 answers

I don't think this is a weird question at all. Many of have to at least think about this at times, if not struggle with it. It's a balancing act.

The first thing I suggest is to clarify terms. "Humble" to me means "accurate self perception." That meaning is suggested by the therapist and author M. Scott Peck. Another common use for "humble" is to use it to mean "teachable." It certainly does not mean to disparage ourselves or put ourselves down.

The other term to clarify is "self-esteem." This is not something that can be given us by others, nor does it come from false praise. One lady in my past said that "the easiest way to have true self-esteem is to estimable things."

When you don't feel right, examine these things.

One, check what you're saying. Is it accurate? Are you being careful about what you're saying?

Two, are you taking things personally that could have happened to anyone? If someone is rude, did it matter if it was you or would they have been rude to anybody who was around at that time? Are you holding yourself to a higher standard than you would apply to and expect from people that you like?

Three, are you making assumptions about what should or shouldn't be, what you should or shouldn't do? Can you question your assumptions and the assumptions of others?

Four, are you flexible enough to believe your personal best changes many times a day or are you trying to hold yourself to an impossible standard?

For further reading, I suggest Carlos Ruiz' "The Four Agreements"
This little book, read and understood, will take a lot of the strain out of everyday living and low self-esteem.

Another thing that I suggest is doing something once a month that you would otherwise never think of doing, something brand-new. A different type of concert, a trip, a book that you would never read, a project that you would never ordinarily undertake. You'll hate some, love some, but your self-esteem will prosper from doing them, especially if you keep a journal about what you do.

And no matter what you take on special, either finish it or else say "I stop here." Don't leave them unfinished, it drains energy.

2006-09-04 14:32:29 · answer #1 · answered by ebob 6 · 0 0

Would have been nice if you had had someone there to teach you this when you were little, but life doesn't always work out that way. It is fine to feel good about yourself, nothing wrong with that at all, but if you start looking at others as beneath you then you have carried it too far. Does that help?? Good Luck!!

2006-09-04 13:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by clbinmo 6 · 0 0

Your not gloating you are doing self help technics to help you with your self esteem. Don't beat yourself up for trying to improve yourself. Take Care! God Bless! Hugs! Von!

2006-09-04 15:53:42 · answer #3 · answered by bry7josh 5 · 0 0

You tell yourself all the great things about yourself..but you don't say it to others. Don't draw superficial attention to yourself, but feel good when you remind yourself that you are smart, or you look great, or you just really helped someone, etc. You don't have to tell the world, as long as you know, you'll be happy and it will show naturally.

2006-09-04 13:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by TigerLilly 4 · 0 0

Everything for the Glory of God

2006-09-04 13:52:41 · answer #5 · answered by Montee P 2 · 0 0

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