I am shy and a loner (these may be married traits). Will I be alone forever? At least likely to end that way?

Question

26 yr. old male, college grad., good looking, nice and funny with my small group of friends, closed off to everyone else. Probably do suffer from some social anxiety and depression. Now my friends are all getting married, I can't help but do some self-reflection. I haven't had a serious girlfriend for awhile. Or a date. I know that I haven't been putting myself out there, but it is tough to do so. Appreciate the answers.

Answer 1

I have social phobia and spent many years unhappy and alone. Most of my problems stem from being put up for adoption, separated from my mother at one month of age, and the subsequent impenetrable dependency issues I have struggled with my entire life.

What I want most is to be loved by my mother, to be with her, to be home, and never have to leave or do anything, and never have to worry. Instead my new parents gave me only conditional love, and I tried so hard to be the man my new mother wanted, the man she didn't have with dad, but it was no use. No matter how hard I tried she still didn't love me.

I became a perfectionist, afraid all the time that I would make a mistake, everyone would see it, and I'd be excluded or expelled from society, and I did make mistakes and I was excluded, so I just wanted to hide from everyone. Once I finished high school I slowly have gotten worse, more isolated, more afraid, over the years. Now that I'm old (34), have no job, no career, no skills, and still have no desire to do anything but be a child who's mother loves him, I just wish I'd been aborted.

The only hope is to read the book "Emotional Resilience" by David Viscott, MD. It's helped me a lot to get over depression, guilt, and delve deep enough to see the real problems. The solution for dependency is to take risks, especially while engaged in one's hobbies or passions in life, and from there to become independent, and find love for one's self.

Another way to go is to find a girl online, chat, send pics and use webcam until you feel comfortable enough to meet in person. That's how I met my wife. You should also take a personality test and get your sh*t straight before you try to meet some girl, or you'll likely end up with the wrong type for you.

Answer 2

So am I.

Your personality is not likely to change. You will probably never be a social butterfly. If you feel like you have Social Anxiety there are meds that can help with that.

You are not doomed to being alone. You just have to find someone who will accept you for who you are...the same as everyone else. Being shy means you probably won't meet that person at a bar (you are better off) but may have to make an internet personal ad or meet someone at work or something.

Answer 3

I think that being shy and a loner is a trait that you are a settled down type of person, I would mark you marriage material. Don't feel bad I am the same way because I look at this world and the people in it and it's scary and I don't want to be in the middle of drama and foolishness so I chose to be a loner. When the right person comes around they will find you interesting and believe me alot of people dig shy people because they are not so full of s*it. SMILE, I AM THE SAME AS YOU SO BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF!

Answer 4

I used to be...It was painful.
...What did I do?..
I know there was no "quick solution".
...It's a personality thing or the way a brain fires off signals.
---This is going to sound stupid and impossible...but I can tell you it worked me into becoming much more spontanious, gregarious and engaging... It evolved, and now I'm happy to freely interact with everyone!

My advice is to start by being reckless around others in what you think and say... Be a good listener...and then, just throw all thoughts of disaproval to the wind and shoot out any crazy idea that comes to mind. If they end up rejecting you...That's THEIR loss! THEY should be the ones to loosen up and accept your mind for what new things it can present them with...no matter HOW crazy! It will be weird, but do it...Take the offroad and enjoy the bump and grind you create! Force yourself to shake things up! The world NEEDS it...and ultimately, it will be appreciated!
Be YOU...because that loose cannon is inside you and all of us... That's the way your going to break out of the shell and LIVE!!

Answer 5

It's fine. Everyone has their own preferences. I, personally, like to be alone as well. But after a while, I tend to feel lonely and I need to reach out towards people. But I applaud you for being able to be alone and being comfortable with that. To some of society, it would be considered strange. But I think most open-minded people would just take you as independent. As long as it makes you happy, I think it's fine to be "forever alone."

Answer 6

Just be yourself, live life to the fullest, try making friends, get involved in the community, have fun. Don't worry, If you let people get to know you a bit, there is sure to be someone who is interested in you. I believe that there is someone out there who loves you. It just might take a while for you to recognize that person. Unless you are a complete ***hole (I doubt it, shy people are usually very nice and have good ideas) It's very unlikely that you are gonna be alone forever.

Answer 7

"I am shy and a loner" this sentence is most probably something you say to yourself over and over again consciously or unconsciously ... you will be shy and a loner as long as you keep on telling yourself you are one. So If you don't want to be alone just stop telling you are shy and loner and act like you are someone outgoing and popular . You will be excited to see the world changing around you as you start changing your attitude...

Answer 8

you dont say how old you are but even though there have been spinsters and bachelors throughout all time that doesnt lock you into that mold.try joiming a club of any kind even if all the members are of the same sex. there is bound ro be someone who will befriend you and set you up with someone. people just love doing that.lol.

Answer 9

I am 47 years old, I am not shy, but I am a loner, I am waiting for the right women, she will come, you can be alone but not lonely, are you lonely? If it is meant to be that it will be.

Answer 10

Loner Traits