My son recently got married in a private ceremony and did it for insurance reasons. They had planned to be married in late October but this surprised everyone. My question is, I live over 1500 mi away and now that they are legally married, should I go to this "Show" they are putting on in October? I'm inclined to stay home as it's a done deal now and frankly I don't see the point. They tell me they don't really consider themselves married until after the event in Oct. I'm at a loss to understand this. Should I go or stay home? My son is upset that I may not be there and doesn't understand my point of view.
Anybody have any suggestions?
2006-09-04 10:12:53 · 24 answers · asked by Spots Mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would go,only because it is my son.I would explain to him later that the fact he didn't include you in the original event was disappointing and sad.But to not go may damage a relationship you may want to have later.As for not considering themselves married until the show,that's just lip service to get people to show up.I personally find it in poor taste to do it this way,but hey he didn't ask me.
2006-09-04 10:18:33 · answer #1 · answered by Tom S 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know of two couples who have done this in the past couple of years. I agree with you that it's ridiculous -- it's either just putting on a "show" or an attempt at more gifts, but either way I think it's silly. And it's certainly not a "wedding" if the people involved are already "wedded" to each other. I don't understand it, and I think it's silly.
That said, of course you have to go. It's your son, and you risk causing hurt feelings that you will never be able to fix. So, complain here or complain to your friends, but when October comes you'd better plan to get dressed up, plaster on your best smile, and be there for the sake of your son -- because that's what family does!
2006-09-04 22:45:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should attend your son's wedding.
It is sad that in this day in age many couples find themselves trying to do the best thing for the ones they love and want to spend the rest of the lives with and others do not understand it.
It is sad that people have to get married earlier on to afford basic insurance coverage since some states require a physical or blood tests and if you do not have insurance those costs can be anywhere from $100.00 and up.
Support your son, attend his wedding.
I pray that you open your heart up and see his point of view as well. You're his mother and the unconditional love should always be there even when we need to bite our tongue once in awhile.
Best of luck to you.
2006-09-06 09:15:17 · answer #3 · answered by weddingsforall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, so your son had a private wedding ceremony. Now he's going to have a second one to publically celebrate his marriage. This happens more often that one might think, especially in this age of people marrying who have families in different countries or even different religions.
You're his mother and he wants you there. Go. I think the real issue you have to address is that you're hurt that you weren't at this private ceremony. THAT is what you need to discuss with him.
Hopefully, this is the only woman he will ever marry. Clear the air between you two, get yourself straight on why you are upset, and then be there to celebrate with this child to whom you helped give life. He sounds like a good one.
2006-09-04 18:48:38 · answer #4 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am approaching this from a different angle than everyone else. Insurance is really expensive and really hard to get. Your son and daughter-in-law were put in a bind where something could happen to the one they love and then they wouldn't be able to afford the wedding, the future, or possibly even to continue treatment. They knew that filling out a government form could get this insurance to protect them. What they would be contracting to is what they already had planned to do, it just made sense to do earlier than they expected. They filled out a form and said some words. They were getting married legally, but it was just a technicality for paperwork purposes. In October they will get married in their hearts and in their minds. They want to share that day with their family and friends. If I were you I would make every effort to go.
2006-09-04 17:56:53 · answer #5 · answered by emp04 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's your son, how could you not go to his wedding...so what if they had a private ceremony, you said there are a reason for it, I think you'll regret it if you don't go. This is your son's biggest day of his life and you're not going to go...I don't see any real reason on your part to deny your son of his mom's presence at his wedding. I don't really see a point of view on your part, I think it's selfish on your part to not go, just because they had a private one earlier --what if he was in the military and he had a private ceremony before he shipped out and they were gonna have a big one with all the families and friends once he got back..I guess I don't see what the reason behind you not wanting to help you son celebrate.
2006-09-04 17:44:10 · answer #6 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a legal document is not the only reason to get married. It may be a "done deal", as you say, legally, but not in their hearts. A huge part of a wedding is standing in front of your family and friends, and announcing that you love, honor, and cherish this person standing next to you. What is any wedding if not a "show", a show of love, faith, and commitment? Would you be as opposed to going if they were calling it a renewal of vows rather than a wedding? Your son needs your presence, and your new daughter-in-law deserves it. Every little girl dreams of wearing a white dress, saying "I do" in front of a roomful of family and friends, and becoming a part of a new family. Don't take that away from them.
2006-09-04 19:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by lclaws13 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering how strong your relationship is with your son that you would even think of not attending. You should not even question whether or not you should attend, you should want to be a part of their ceremony. Many people have to get married at the justice of peace, or another small unplanned event, it doesn't mean that they can't have a wedding as they had planned. Stop being selfish and plan your trip.
P.S. don't forget to pack a positive attitude!
2006-09-04 17:34:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your hurt feelings at having been somewhat left out of the rushed wedding... It is however time to realize they did get married early for a reason and still wish to celebrate that marriage with thier loved ones (you included)...
Weigh the results, if you go you get to celebrate the marriage with your son and his new wife, if you do not attend you have driven a wedge between you and your son (and his wife) that will undoubtedly damage your relationship..
The real questions here are, are you willing to live with the ramifications of your choice? Are you too worried about the wedding being a show (all wedding are) and not real?
Ultimately you are the one who will have to live the rest of your life with the hurt feelings and tension your not attending will cause....
If it were me I would attend to support my child in his new married life... Why cause a rift in the family when you can so easily attend smile and enjoy your time with him and his new bride??
2006-09-04 19:10:22 · answer #9 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go. They did get married, but if they are having a big wedding party thats what is worth going to. Stop being stubborn, let down your hair and travel to see your son be happy with a woman he loves. Call your son and tell him you feel disapointed that you werent there to watch him, but yet excited to see him in October and you wouldn't miss there "wedding" for anything.
2006-09-05 00:45:15 · answer #10 · answered by curiosity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are ridiculous to think of not going. So now that they have a piece of paper already it makes the wedding meaningless? Were you planning on going just to watch a legal transaction? Weddings are more about what they are symbolizing. You sound like a real loving mother.
2006-09-04 19:05:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋