Before I married my husband he got himself into some trouble legally. He has been on probation for about 2 years or more for theft. Since I have been with him he has turned his life over to the Lord and we pray all the time that this will be behind us so that he can get a good job. But he takes care of the house adn the kids while I'm at work (doctors appt, denist appt, report card pick-up) you get the point . HELP ME PLEASE I AM SO TIRED OF HAVING TO TAKE SIDES WHEN IT COMES TO MY HUSBAND AND MY FAMILY. The only ones that really understands is my grandmother, and my dad.
2006-09-04 09:32:01 · 14 answers · asked by KEY 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Continue to be strong in your belief in your husband.. eventually as you both continue forward, people will see the strength, the bond and the love you both share. In addition, the only opinions that really count are yours and the kids. Sometimes people don't see that people can change, but as time goes by - its possible they will.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-04 09:38:04 · answer #1 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what he does for you and the kids. Just helping around the house is a great asset. No one puts females down when they are housewifes. You shouldn't have to pick sides. Just remember to tell your family how much he does help you. A lot of men help out from home, more than they used to. They could be old fashion as the man works and the wife stays home, but a lot of this has changed. Good luck!
2006-09-04 09:38:40 · answer #2 · answered by flower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like you have a "house husband", and if that works for you--then fine...
Maybe your family feels that since he doesnt work that he isn't contributing anything to the household..Many women, especially black women, are with men who dont work , and who "live off their women". Maybe your family thinks your life is like that.
Well, if you feel that your husband is doing a good job of being a "house husband"--then thats your life and your business. And I'm not saying that in a rude way at all...
But make sure he is doing ALL the things that a good Stay-At-Home mom does: the cleaning, picking up kids after school, cooking dinner, grocery shopping, getting the kids dressed & off to school, giving kids nighttime baths, etc..If he is doing ALL of that--then that may not be the traditional marriage--but as long as it works out for your household--then thats your life and your business..
Keep in mind that the Bible and the Quran says that the Husband should provide for his family--and that a man whould WORK. Thats why your family is trippin right now.
AND I will say this: My 35 year old Cousin was in the Same situation ---except her man DIDNT do jack. He didnt take care of the children, didnt cook, didnt take the kids to and from school--nothing... All he did was lay around, eat steak, and play on the computer all day..He was a BUM. Meanhile my cousin busted her behind to be at work by 8am, get the kids off the school, cook or buy dinner, clean the house, etc. But, whenever the family tried to tell her he was a bum--she got angry and defensive.. So, Make sure you aren't being USED.
If you are busting your butt working at your job, then you have to come home and cook and clean--then I think you are being USED.
But, As long as your husband is DOING RIGHT by you and your children, and helping you out 100% in the house--then have a talk with your family members 1 by 1, and tell them that you respect that they love you--but your husband is doing better now, and is a good man. Just call them on the phone, and tell them you want to have a talk with them. Dont get angry, just talk to them
Peace
edit_________
PS--As for the Felony, you have to understand that your family is CONCERNED.But only your husbands ACTIONS can change thier minds/ He has to do right, stay out of trouble, get a good job, and be a good man. Tell him he should also try to extend help to your family sometimes to try and build bridges--help them if thety need to move furniture or something. You'll be surprised by just by helping people out--it can change their hearts..Peace
2006-09-04 09:51:50 · answer #3 · answered by Plus-Sized &Proud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You picked a guy with problems. Stop complaining about it. You chose this path. He chose his. Now live with it. It will never be behind you. A felony stays with your for ever. HE chose that, and you chose him. Don't go choose something and then complain about it when you get it. You may have to limit your contact with your family. Remember he is your family now because that's what you decided and committed your self too.
Be grateful for your grandmother, and for your father. Ignore the rest. Don't hang out with them, don't go visit them...stick with your husband if that's what you want. But if that's what you chose then understand it will come with a price. Nothing is free. You can't have everything all the time. Life is about making a chose and then going with it. You can't have band practice at the same time you have dance lessons. Some times you have to pick one. That means you lose out on the other. He made a chose. It has a consequence. But that was what he picked. Now he lives with it. You picked him...now you live with what ever that brings. Now stop your whinin and go enjoy what ever life you have created for youreself.
2006-09-04 09:47:49 · answer #4 · answered by john d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that, i told my family to back off or they would never see me or my kids again, i chose this man to marry and that it was my choice, they may not like it but its my life. so deal with it or dont come around. They are slowly comming around to him and we have been married almost 10 yrs. and you shouldnt have to take sides. you married him for a reason so you need to stick to your guns and defend him. at least he is willing to help you out with all the stuff that we women normaly have to do beside's work out in the world instead of just in the house. congrats on that and on him getting saved. im still working on that one he wont even go to church. But you have a family with this man and you need to stick by him no matter what you face even with your family. Good luck and if you ever need to talk email me here is my email address..ladyrebel4100856@yahoo.com.
Have a good day
2006-09-04 09:42:25 · answer #5 · answered by ladyrebel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been there and it is a sad place to be, the fact is you have to go home to your husband and children, when it comes down to it ,it is what you want and that's all,if you ask their opinion, then accept the answer[not in the ''there right'' way].
he is trying and that's what matters, right?
you already chose a side, you appear to have chose your husband.
family will always inter fer, for any and all reasons.
don't ask their opinion.
if your husband gets on your nerves ask your grandma or father what to do as far as the help you seek.
offered information invites trouble or negative answers.
do you love your husband?
if you truly do...the answer is obvious.
if you don't... the question is obvious.
good luck, grandma and dad seem open minded.
2006-09-04 09:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by transvainia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, assuming his conversion is for real (and not for show or to make you happy) I'd say - wait. Time will have to pass and he will have to show through his life and actions that he really has changed. It may take a long time though. 5, maybe 10 years before they're willing to see that.
If his conversion wasn't a real one, then if I were you I'd LISTEN to those people. People on the outside often see more than we do being blinded by the circumstances.
2006-09-04 09:40:30 · answer #7 · answered by IAskUAnswer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Their is no need to take sides. You are standing by your husband. That is commendable. If you and he are happy with the arrangement,the rest will adjust. Let your parents know that you love them and respect their concerns. When you are with them if the subject comes up,do a subject change. There is also family counseling available.Continue in pray,Will
2006-09-04 10:47:32 · answer #8 · answered by wildrover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your heart tells you he is the one, then what does it matter what anyone else thinks!!! When I first met my husband he used to drink 2 cases of beer a day, and my mother told me I was marrying a alcoholic, but low and behold thirteen years later we are still married very happily!!!!! He is now a chemical operator at a local plant. He has received awards at the plant and is making big, big money. Now what if I had listened to my mother instead of my heart, I would still be living lonely!!! The man upstairs puts us together, and maybe we grow stronger together; nobody is perfect!!!, but LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!!!!!!!
2006-09-04 10:05:33 · answer #9 · answered by kate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand by your family (husband) and don't listen to anyone telling you bad things about your husband! You should tell your family to allow you to live your own life and your marriage is none of their business! Tell them this is something you will not talk about with them and you would appreciate it if they wouldn't talk about it too! Tell them you understand their position and hope they will respect you enough not to bring up the subject again! Good luck!
2006-09-04 09:43:11 · answer #10 · answered by Zeta 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋