How do I compliment someone who doesn't accept compliments ?

Question

No matter what I say she doesn't agree with me and finds negative things to say about herself.

Answer 1

I would tell her as I tell others. Take the compliment, or you many not get anymore. That usually makes them think twice and actually say thank you, and makes them smile. Be sincere with the compliment, but not overdo it.

Answer 2

You obviously WANT to give her compliments, perhaps to make her feel good, I'm quessing, or because you just really admire her? Both admirable motivations.
1) She may have self-esteem issues;
2) she may be socially programmed to believe that accepting a compliment by saying "Thank you" is tantamount to conceit, a big no-no for many females especially;
3) she may be expressing the flip-side of conceit disguised as self-hatred. (I think you care about her; this probably isn't so.)
- If you really want to keep telling her nice things about herself, you may have to make her aware of how you feel and (here's the tough one), ask her with sincerity, why she rejects compliments from you. Her answer will give you a clear indication of her issues (if any) and will offer a door to better communications.

Answer 3

Maybe you can tell her in a kind way and I'm sure that your very kind, that your not telling her a bunch of bull when your complimenting her. Maybe she thinks that your saying those things just to be nice.? Maybe she has very low self-esteem and someone might of one time really hurt her feelings and she's doesn't trust anyone.? Maybe she's embarrass when she gets compliments. Maybe she has just had alot of negative feelings growing up at home and sometimes it a very hard cycle to break. Continue to encourage her and talk with her sincerely.

She's lucky she has a friend who cares.

Answer 4

She may be fishing for even more compliments....or may really be unsecure so honestly believes the negative things.......You could tell her that "Even though you may not believe it, you did a great job with blah blah blah....." Let her know how everyone noticed, or what a difference it made, but don't keep on about it. Maybe she will see it in the end.

Answer 5

This is her problem, not yours. If she cannot accept a compliment, it is probably a reflection of her feelings of unworthiness. You should point out the things she does well and ask her why it is that she cannot accept both the good and bad parts of her as you do.

Answer 6

The next time she does it, why don't you say..."you know, all you really need to say is 'thank you'". She might not know that behaving this way is actually insulting to the person giving the compliment.

Answer 7

They sound very insecure. Compliment her on things that she can't really reject. Like tell her what a great friend she is or something....

some people are like that.

Answer 8

For her good, tell her that a simple "Thanks" will do....that she needn't disagree with you when you , or anyone else gives her a compliment...it is disrespectful to disagree in cases like this, and is in poor taste, and certainly NOT good manner...she needs to know this, for she is acting out of false modesty which is not becoming to anyone.

Answer 9

you need to be sneaky like make the complements oblique
try making them more 3rd party
"People aprpeciated the way you did that"

or make the comments directed as complements to God
"I thank God for the way He is working in You"

or contrast with a year ago
"you are so much better this year at..."

some people are "challenging"

Answer 10

You just go ahead and compliment them. What they do with it is their own business.