Im 30 (almost 31). I already have a child from a previous relationship (he's 10). Im lonely. I have a friend who would marry me in an instant. He has romantic love toward me. But, I dont have romantic love toward him but we always have a great time together. We have dated before for about 6 months and I ended it because I thought I wanted to marry someone I loved (I do love him, but not romantically). It has been 4 months now and Im regretting my decission to break it off. We are still in contact and I miss doing things w/him and he misses things w/me.
Should I give up my prospects of marying for love, and grab the great man in my life now? Or, wait it out for I dont know how long in hopes of finding romantic love (which I have never felt?)
Honest answers please and no smart aleks! Im in real distress w/this situation and dont treat me like I'm a moron! Thanks!
2006-09-04 08:37:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can honestly say wait. It would be really bad if you married this guy and then ending up finding real love. but It could turn out to be the real thing with him, so take it slow don't rush into anything you might regret. Good Luck
2006-09-04 08:43:36 · answer #1 · answered by happy_cute_mom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You never really know in these situations. We as humans crave the need for affection by another therefore we set out to find "the perfect person" to be with. I have found in the past that long time friends do make the perfect partner what never has been romantic could one day fire up and be just great. Mentally it sounds like you have found yourself a stable guy that would make a great 2nd father to your child and a great supportive spouse for yourself. maybe it is not the romantic part that is bothering you, maybe it is the part of being burnt before that gives the real reason for non-commitment. Everything in life happens for a reason and leads us down the path of which we are suppose to follow(not always the easiest). Search deep within and ask yourself : Is this just maybe the person I am suppose to be with? Until you can answer that question, then there is no harm in being friends and hanging out so long as there is no leading this person on. Relax and enjoy life and let nature take its course. Good Luck
2006-09-04 08:48:30 · answer #2 · answered by Robert V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 30 years old you still have plenty of time to hold out and look for the love of your life. As you age, companionship rather than romantic love becomes more important but, you are not at that stage of your life yet.
Don't break off your relationship with your friend but, keep your mind open for a true romantic relationship that will fill your needs.
I am now 68 and, my relationship with my wife for the last 25 years has gone from an extremely exciting and active romantic relationship to a very caring and companionship lifestyle. I wouldn't give up a second of it but, have found our current relationship so much more satisfying and, comforting than it was before.
So, there's a lot to be said for both. You have so much time to find both. Go for the romantic, hot stuff at your age and, let it grow and evolve as you age.
2016-01-06 13:01:08 · answer #3 · answered by J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
never give up on finding ur one true love, yes it may take some time, u will regret it if u settle 4 anything less, then u also lose a good friendship because u mite b with u "friend" when u find ur true one, then u would resent being with him.. that could really sour the relationship. it wiould b better 2 keep him as a friend, just explain that u do not have these feelings 4 him.. if he truely cares he will understand. perhaps one day, u may feel differently about him. there is no reason u cannot hang out & b friends. but never give up, persistence pays off in everything u do. u r 2 young, enjoy ur life with ur son, life is 2 short 2 b unhappy or feel lonely. u have 2 overcome it & i couldnt imagine anyone treating u like a moron, u r certainly not alone. i am sure there r some focus groups in ur area that u could join 2 just talk out ur feelings. perhaps that mite help also. good luck
2006-09-04 08:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by ladydi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a simillar situation... and chose not to be with the man that was in-love with me. And thinking back, the reasons I didn't want to marry him were trivial. Marriage is a love forever... "who's gonna love you when your looks are gone?" What about him is "un-romantic"? Is it something that can be changed or is it something you just can't live with? Sometimes life is just a bunch of little things... and most of the time (with a little help) those things can be changed. Love is forever no matter how you look at it... and the fact that you were together shows there is interest on BOTH parts... just make it work for you... and if you CAN'T... don't waste each other's time. You both deserve to be happy, and if that can't happen... you have to remember there is more than just your heart and life on the line (including your child)
2006-09-04 08:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by allisonbowler 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel you love him then I think it's best that you let him go and just be his friend. It won't be fair for him because he loves you. Do you really want to waste his time on you when he could find someone that truly loves him? That would be selfish on your part if you continue to see him just because you have a great time with him. Also your son could get hurt in this too because if he becomes close to your friend and it doesn't work out he will be crushed. So I think the best decision would be just to let him go and find his true love. If you care for him a little you would want him to be happy with someone that does love him.
Don't get married if there is no love on your part! Maybe one day you will find the man of your dreams. Though down the road you may realize he is the one you love when it will be to late! I hope you make the right decision! best of luck!
2006-09-04 09:03:57 · answer #6 · answered by Humming Bird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have to follow ur heart with this one. I will tell you this that...when you find a decent man you better grab hold of him before someone else does. How can you not love him romantically? If he is that sweet, I wouldn't be able to help myself. Are you a tracked to him? If you love him like you do, maybe you will fall in love with him later. You would have a whole life together to figure it out. I think this romantic love that you mention maybe only exists in movies. I have been married to my husband for 8 years. I loved him when I meet him and everyday I find new reasons to love him. I wouldn't have it any other way. The love that you are looking for maybe within ur self. I know it sounds dumb but, do you truly, love urself? I found in order for me to truly, be in love with my husband it all has to start with loving myself first! Good Luck...
2006-09-04 08:49:46 · answer #7 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't love him, do him a great favor and don't marry him. It
would be so unfair to him, and after a while you would forget how
lonely you used to be and only wishing you were back in your
former situation. You have a great time together as friends but
husbands and wives deserve more than a friend when they marry.
2006-09-04 08:45:34 · answer #8 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally wouldn't marry just for companionship .. wait until you find the right person for you, the one that you will love with all your heart and in addition the one that will love your son as well. Continue the friendship with your friend and keep it that way.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-04 08:45:01 · answer #9 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont believe in marrying for convenience unless the person has some money. In this case I would say go with your gut, we are blessed with a sixth sense for a reason. I am 42 and alone and i am okay with that because if it takes me the rest of my life I want someone who loves me and I love him. My mom always says that you have to clear away what is not right for you to make room for what is right for you.
2006-09-04 08:46:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋