Please can someone help me I have a 10 yr old daughter that I just can't handle anymore.
if I say white she will come back and say black.
She just won't listen to me or her father.
Always back talking us and lays about everything.
Always yelling at me or starts trouble with anyone in the room.
PLEASE I NEED HELP.
Thank You Kathy from Ann Arbor
2006-09-04 08:22:29 · 34 answers · asked by kathynabc 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
What I would do is every time she talks back or yells you take something from her. My oldest is only 7 but this works with her very well. Also do NOT send her to her room. They want to go there to get away from you. My seven year old got very rebellous after her father left and even though it hurt me to do it I punished her every time she acted up. At one point all she had was her books. No toys, no tv, no getting to go swimming, no shopping, no friends nothing for about 2 weeks. After that she got the idea but I had to stick to it and I gradually gave her things back and not all at once. She had to work for her stuff back and behave or it got taken again and time started over. I hope this helps!!
2006-09-04 08:30:30 · answer #1 · answered by Erica 1 · 2⤊ 3⤋
She is 10 not 16, IF you don't stop this now you will regret it in the future (she will lie about more serious things, having sex, drinking, and doing drugs).
You still have control, you just need to take it back. Be firm!! Have a talk with her, tell her the next time she steals or lies she will earn a spanking. When she does, take her in a privet area in your home, pull down her pants, put her over your lap and spank her good. (be very calm, no yelling or screaming, the key is to be in control) after words give her some time, then have a talk with her, tell her that you love her and you can't let her behave in this manner anymore, also that you were serious and if she brakes any of these rules again this will be the punishment. Repeat this process every time she steps out of line, this may mean 2, 3, or more spankings in a day to start. she will get the picture. I guarantee that if you follow this, you will see a different child (much better behaved, loving, caring one) in as little as a month.
I have a almost 10 year old girl, who hardly needs a spanking anymore.
Best of luck to you, my ways are a little old fashioned but trust me they work!!
2006-09-05 23:22:45 · answer #2 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would be certain there is no organic reason for this (illness or some physical problem - which means a full physical at her doctors) and if there is not (as if she may have been abused and is acting out that would become obvious during a physical) then I would hold a family meeting (and remain very calm during it no matter what).
I would sit her down and tell her that because you love her very much and do not want her behavior to lead to drugs, living on the street or worse - that some things are going to change. PERIOD. Be very specific about what behavior you want, what chores you need done, what must not happen again. And then be very specific what will happen if this does not happen on her part. I would start with small things and work up - like, 'the first time you begin to scream at your father and I when we ask you to do something you will lose (phone, TV, whatever) for one week. The second time you will lose it for one week and be grounded for one week. The third time you will also do all household chores for one week.' and so on.
And then STICK to it. Spank as a last resort if you can, but if you need to then do it. Good luck.
2006-09-04 09:51:15 · answer #3 · answered by step 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you might want to have her evaluated by a counselor. A good place to start would be the counselor at your local school. He or she might be able to help or to suggest a good professional. I would be interested to find out if she exhibits these same behaviors at school as well. You might also consider a medical evaluation. Sometimes depression will cause a child to act out or to be aggressive and somewhat hyperactive. Kids often do not exhibit the classical signs of what we normally consider depression.
In the meantime - you should ask your school counselor if there are parenting classes available in your area. Parenting does not come naturally and with an unruly child you can use all the tips and support you can get. You really need to set up a fair and consistent system of behavior management that will reward the good behaviors and punish the inappropriate ones. A counselor or parenting class can help you do this. I have worked with children this age and up for 32 years. I can tell you they are not always easy - but I have never seen one so bad we couldn't make progress. Please call your school counselor as soon as possible. These services are free and they will be glad to help you with your daughter both in school and outside of school. It won't be easy and there is no overnight cure but the hard work will be worth it in the end! I'm sure somewhere deep down inside the wonderful little girl you once knew is waiting to resurface. Good luck!
2006-09-04 08:38:48 · answer #4 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Kathy from Ann Arbor - this is Nancy from Wayne
Honey - she is ten. Set down the law of the house and stick to it. You are the parent. You live in Ann Arbor. There are so many parent groups out there, they will have some great techniques to use to help get your family back on track. Also it doesn't cost anything to call a child professional for advice - and let's admit it Ann Arbor is full of them because of U of M. My son is ten also. He talks back, but doesn't lie - much (we hope). You can contact me via email if you'd like to brainstorm some more options. I don't live far from there either.
2006-09-05 02:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by puzzleraspie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the Mom, you are in charge. Your 10 year old should not be treating you this way. I agree, set some ground rules and let it known that in your house she will abide by you and your hubby's rules.
This does not mean yell and scream though. I know it can be hard to not get frustrated. Have a family meeting and just talk, leave it open for discussion so she feels like she can talk to you. Get involved in her life, her interests. Try being more positive . I was told growing up that hurting people, hurt people. I know this is a weird saying, but it is so true. Maybe she is just hurting inside or she is having peer pressure at school. There could be many reasons. Once a week my hubbby, kids and I have family night. This is where we hang out together, and have fun. We talk and cut up, cook together, play games. It really gets everyone involved.
you can do it. Make a list of things and go over it and stress that these are things not allowed. (lying, backtalking, ect...) But do it out of love and not frustration. Good Luck and remember, you only have one chance to live every day. This always helps to make me realize how precious things are.
2006-09-04 10:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by Trina S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would seek counseling to find out why she is acting out.
My friend did the exact same thing when she was 13 in HS. The reason why she was acting out was because she was unhappy at school. Girls were always picking fights with her because their boyfriends would hit on her. She didn't like the environment she was in at school.
Her mother didn't know what to do. The sought help and determined what the root of the problem was. She asked her daughter what other school she would like to attend and transferred her there.
From then on, their relationship has been better than ever and her daughter began to excel because she felt that she was in safe environment.
Your daughters situation might not be the same, but there is something definitely bothering her.
I know some might say that you are teaching her to run from her problems, but if you discuss thing with her and you are both comfortable with the decision, you are teaching her that opening a dialog about her issues will lead to solutions.
Good luck.
2006-09-04 08:36:00 · answer #7 · answered by gtn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kathy, sound like you need some parenting classes. I don't know about your state, but here in Tennessee their are all kinds of parenting classes offered. The one I went to you cold either pay 900 dollars, or, work it back out. So like, you would go for 3 months until things got easier at home, and then keep coming for another 3 months as a mentor to another parent. It is very important that you don't loose your patience with her, as if you are not in control, then she defiantly is.
Have you tried putting up a schedule or a rewards chart? You could also watch the Nanny. It's a local TV show where she goes into houses and "fixes" their parenting skills. You can get a lot of great tips on her show. Good luck.
2006-09-04 08:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by jennifer c 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is the time to take a step back and do some reflecting. Sometimes you need to analyze what is going on at home and you might be able to find the answer. You should also take a look at your own behaviour. Being overcritical and yelling makes problems worse. When parents bicker with children like children it also makes the problem alot worse. I had HUGE problems with our son but we had to stand our ground and set rules and it worked. Being the parent means standing your ground and not bickering with your kids. Obviously she is feeling like she is your equal. There are tons of books that address a million problems at the bookstore and library. Read them like you studying for a class. It takes lots and lots of work and it is stressful but if you are determined to work through it you will. You have no other option.
2006-09-06 16:00:44 · answer #9 · answered by tutulu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Kathy
My 12 y/o does some of these... I'm hoping, and My mom says the same thing, too, she's probably fixing to start her period and has this repressed anger and puts it off on us. I just keep grounding her hoping that will help, I take things away, and when I go shopping I remind her of how she acted badly the last time, and if she wants nice things she needs to treat me and her dad better. Sometimes it helps, I'll leave her home while I shop and she'll have the house cleaned and chores done. So I think/hope I'm doing something right.
It's hard, Luckily there's 3 of us at work that have 12 y/o so we lean on eachother for advice and help alot. If you need to talk just email, I'm always here....
2006-09-04 08:34:19 · answer #10 · answered by villazar701 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've been a bit slack on teaching her respect and authority. A lot of parents do this, so you're not alone. They don't think it's a problem until something like this happens.
If she's really unruly start taking away privleges. No TV, no video games, no phone, etc etc. You need to reassert yourself as the parent and authority figure in the house. If you don't think you can do that by yourself, you need to seek counseling for all of you, not just her. A good family therapist can help you work wonders. Good luck.
2006-09-04 08:44:13 · answer #11 · answered by jenpeden 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋