For 15 years i've been helping my family out financially. I've given up an apartment and a social life. I feel isolated and sometimes sad. Would you continue to help knowing that you are sad or would you go out and life your own life and risk losing your family?
2006-09-04 06:59:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yes
2006-09-04 07:01:58 · answer #1 · answered by kyle b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to answer this question because I am in the same situation. The only difference with yours and mine is it is my daughter that is helping me. She is 28 yrs. old and I am on disability. That being said, I would never ask my daughter to give up her life, her friends or her social life. She doesn't as a matter of fact. We live together so she can't bring some guy up, but that's not the kind of women she is anyway. Her friends come to visit her at home all the time.
Your family shouldn't ask you to either, tell them you are going to this and that and they better find another income or helper you are not very open with details, are they ill or is there another reason they need your help for 15 years. It is not wrong to want a life and you should have one. Nobody does anything to you that you don't want them to, take your life back.
2006-09-04 14:23:14 · answer #2 · answered by L C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sacrifice, within reason, should be fine.
Sacrifice so others don't try, and don't allow you to have a life of your own is just plain wrong. There needs to be boundaries.
My Mom was a widow when I was 12 - I was the middle child of 3 and I was the one expected to live with her forever so she wasn't alone. She had a good job and her own house and she was hardly elderly - I finally had to move out to save my sanity. My grandpa (her dad) didn't speak to me for months. I finally sat down and had a long conversation with him and he could see why. I moved about 20 miles away, so was close enough for emergencies, but far enough to have my own life and privacy.
I helped out my brother, financially, for a number of years - he got married young, then had 4 kids. Finally I figured out that I was working more hours a week than he was so his wife could be a stay at home Mom, that I was footing almost half the bills at his home, that I couldn't afford a dependable car of my own or a nice place to live in a safer neighborhood, college tuition to go back to college and finish my degree, etc., take your pick of the above.
There comes a time when enough is just plain enough and it is VERY hard to say "I can't do it anymore", but you still need to say it. Sometimes you may need to say it more than once, but the requests will go away when they realize you mean it.
2006-09-04 14:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a limit to everyhting including your family, you cant give up your dreams and goals for your family especially for 15 years. If they are your family they should respect your dreams and there shouldnt be a risk because of losing them especially after giving so much for them. Take a stand and they shouldnt love you less in taking a different route in your life.
2006-09-04 14:06:26 · answer #4 · answered by DREAMER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your age might play a part, you didn't state your age, since you gave up your apt. I'm assuming your over 18...But it sounds like you are jeopordizing your own happiness in the process of trying to please your family. Some might say I have given up my dreams or goals for my children, but when you become a parent your dreams and goals should be about your kids, whether its educating yourself or them, etc. sounds like you really need to decide quickly for your own mental health. If you don't at least try to fulfill your dreams you'll never know if your family was going to back you up anyway. I say go for your dreams and goals, if they truly love you they'll be there for you 100%. Good luck!!
2006-09-04 14:12:11 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This of course is a difficult question to answer. Most people would say that you should be happy; even at the risk of losing your family.
You should read "The Art of Happiness" this might help you make up your mind.
2006-09-04 14:03:18 · answer #6 · answered by ElectroMagneticLight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think healthy relationships involve equal give and take between both parties and that when you love someone you want what's best for them and to see them happy. I don't think its healthy that you've felt that you had to sacrifice so much for your family. Do you think they will love you less if you don't give so much? Is having their "love" worth your own happiness?
For a long time I myself thought that doing what my family wanted me to (which involved giving up my own dreams) would be easier but I was miserable. Now that I have followed my dreams I am much happier and my relationship with them is much better.
Hope this helps.
2006-09-04 14:07:29 · answer #7 · answered by SweetnSour 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is there not a way to do both? My sister died 9 years ago and my mom nearly lost it. I put myself in the same predicament as you. I knew i had to break away but my mom still needed me. So i got a apartment across the street from her and now i live my own life and am still close for when she needs something.
2006-09-04 14:04:16 · answer #8 · answered by babygurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,i would ratehr sit and discuss the same with my family and come to a common solution where i also get to live my life and i also help them by being there for them...bacause one cannot afford to lose ones family,as they are the only people who will stand by you when you need someone to be there and support you all the while!!
2006-09-04 14:05:19 · answer #9 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your family doesn't understand that you need a life, why are you sticking around in the first place?
2006-09-04 14:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by SUZI S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on, if they hold it against you...then they weren't really a true family unit! Your not there to be abused mantally, financially or spiritually...
Move on!!
2006-09-04 14:05:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋