he has the need to be in control of everything and it drives me crazy help!
2006-09-04 06:51:23 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you better deal with it fast! I am a teacher and it amazes me how many kids have total control of the home. you are the adult so act like it. Set clear expectationsof what is appropriate behaviour with clear punishment if he doesn't listen. A time out really works, the key is being concistent every time he acts up or it will not work.The good thing is he is young enough to start now! Kids that age to have explanations of why they can't do something, not just a no because i said so attitude, they also need attention...if they are told to go away they will act up to get some attention. he is only 3 he can't be expected to entertain himself. If thats what you are doing then it isyour fault he is like he is....spend some quality time with him playing o nt he floor etc. You had him so you have to expect that raising him takes time and effort. I am so sick of the parents who rear their kids on t.v.. I can tell the kids who have been as soon as they enter my classroom, as they have no social skills at all playing with other children. Put him in a play group or preschool for at least 2 days or afternoons a week. He is the perfect age for that even if you are a stay at home mom or have a babysitter.
2006-09-04 06:59:31 · answer #1 · answered by councillor 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I used to have to deal with bossy kids at the playgroup where I worked all the time. Best option is to make sure he knows that YOU are the one in control. Never argue with him or let him have the last word. Talk firmly and use few words making what you expect of him clear in a concise manner. Make it know that being bossy is NOT acceptable but don't scold him for it - instead encourage him to play nicely, share etc and heap praise on him when he does. It will take patience but he should begin to realise that he cannot always get his own way. You could also try a rewards chart - stickers etc too.
2006-09-04 14:00:05 · answer #2 · answered by Mrsdanieljackson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
where were you between 1 and 2? you start raising a kid when theyre born. the reason he's in control at 3 is because you werent at 1 and 2. 50% of a child's development is between 1 and 8. you have 5 years to lay down the law. and the is this.
example. 1-2-3-4
this is the law. it doesnt change. and its not going to change. i'll wait as long as you to wait. but this is how it is. the sooner you learn that, the easier life will be. i have all the time in the world.
never yell at a child. it destroys them. cut carefully all the way around the child. and let them fall into a position of learning.
you will be ok. be once the law is, you dare not give in or back up. even once.
the child has been taught he's in control. unlearning is more painful than learning. for both him and you. get big shoes and keep them firmly on the ground. you'll be happier and he'll be happier.
if you finch just once, you start all over.
how's that?
2006-09-04 14:27:33 · answer #3 · answered by σοφια 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
To a certain extent, that is the way that 3 year olds are, boys and girls both. They see it all around them and they don't understand why they can't be in control now and then, too. That is pretty understandable when you stop and think about it.
Explain to them that they don't make the rules yet, but they are expected to follow them. That time (making the rules) will come much later. Be consistant - above all. Don't let them control everything one time and then expect them to relinquish that control another.
To allow them some (controlled) control, you can let them decide what to have for dinner - within choices that are given to him (only 2 or 3 different choices). Give him his choice of what he is going to wear - from 2 or 3 different pre-made selections. Allow him to decide where everyone is going to sit at dinner - and have people respect his seating choices for that meal. Allow him to choose things along those lines - it will give him a feeling of control, but will be within set boundaries. It also teaches him how to think and make choices. Kids that are never allowed to do those things don't learn how to make good decisions later. Better to start when the choices & consequences are pretty painless so they get used to the process.
2006-09-04 14:01:43 · answer #4 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try giving him more choices. For example, let him pick out his own clothing. Buy separates that coordinate. Put summer clothing away in the fall so he only has access to clothing that is appropriate for the season. At meals, offer a variety of healthy choices and let him eat what he wants, as long as it is on the table. Bossy three is just what I called my son, too. A friend who had grown children made these suggestions to me and now my 22 year old is able to make decisions on his own with confidence. This too shall pass! Remember, he has just mastered speech, mobility and is now working on autonomy! It is a natural stage of development. Just make sure he is not being rude. If so, gently rephrase things for him. At 3, my son used to start every sentence with, "I said..." in a demanding voice. I would calmly reply, "Oh, you mean you would like...please? Can you ask mommie like that?" When he did, if I choose to, I complied or explained why not.
Enjoy your little independent man! He is practicing skills he will need when he one day matures into the real thing!
2006-09-04 14:03:39 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind that you are the adult and you are dealing with a three year old, don't stoop to his level by letting him rattle you. Don't react to his bad behavior. Let him know in a stern manner that his behavior is unacceptable and let him spend some time in a designated quiet place. It may be hard at first but be persistant with this ritual and it will pay off. Children need boundaries and consistancy, you can't be wishy washy with a three year old. Encourage him with praise when he is being good, have plenty of opporturnitys for him to be a "helper". Stay strong, it's hard to keep up your energy level sometimes, you are preparing him for life and that's the most important thing a parent will ever do....best of luck.
2006-09-04 14:03:22 · answer #6 · answered by mbunny51@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are the mom. You have the power. You don't give in no matter how frustrating or he's going to rule your life for the next 15 yrs.
Right now is the perfect time to get control over it.
Give him options on certain little things -everything else - there IS no option. He does as you say or there are consequences.
Talk him thru everything - get down eye level and explain - it's time to clean your room/take a bath. If he tries to boss you - get back down on his level and tell him that ok - if you don't take a bath then we won't have a story tonight.
2006-09-04 13:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
We teach people how to treat us - that includes our children. Kids need to know that the adults can handle them. It's difficult to separate one situation and you don't give specific examples. Two to three year old are learning to test their boundaries so some attempts at control are natural. If you tell your child to do something and he refuses to obey, say pick up his toys. You can say something like "Bummer, now I'll have to do it and put them away for a while." If he throws a fit, you say "I know you don't like it when I take your toys. Go sit on the couch (or go to your room or off somewhere else) until you can calm down." If he refuses, you pick him up and take him to where you want him to go.
These are principles of Love and Logic (TM). You can check out there website to learn more. Basics are to be empathetic (make a statement that you understand, i.e., "how sad" "that's a bummer" "I know you don't like it when..."). Then you follow through by taking control yourself (giving a consequence, sit on the couch, etc. and making sure he does it).
You have to be consistent, do what you say you'll do and don't give in to tantrums, etc. You also need to stay calm and in control without yelling, threatening or worse.
Good luck. Better to take control of him at 3 than try to change things when he's 13.
2006-09-04 14:05:52 · answer #8 · answered by Siri 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to let him know that you are the Mom, and the boss. He's three. Start disciplining him. Take away his privileges, spank him, whatever it takes to show him that you are in control. If you don't take control now, it will just get worse over time. You must be consistent too. If you tell him he will be punished for doing something, punish him. Make sure you do what you say.
2006-09-04 13:59:02 · answer #9 · answered by Blessed 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is part of the age, don't let it get to you. Instead, try making him understand he cannot control everything. It is ok for him to throw a few tantrums. Don't reward the tantrums with communication. As a mom, it will be hard, but him crying when he doesn't get his way, is actually helping him learn.
2006-09-04 14:01:42 · answer #10 · answered by Gothic Martha™ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋