What does it mean when a guy says he sorry for being an asshole after he and a girl planned to go to the movies twice and it never happen. The first time she waited for him but he didn't call and then when she called he told her his car is down and was waiting for someone else car but it was getting late and he asked to go with her the next day. But the next day, he missed the date again and also he didn't call or reply the girl's message until midnight. The girl is really hurt and disappointed, but she doesn't know what to do. She is really in love with him. Please give me advice so I can help comfort my friend. I don't to see her down like that. Please don't tell me to tell her to leave him because that is not the type of advice I am looking for to help her.
I just want to know "What is he thinking? Does he really like or care about her??" He says she means a lot to him, but the things that he do to her, I just don't understand.
Thanks!!
2006-09-04 06:48:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She tells me that she wants to be an understanding person for him and doesn't want to be the type of girl that wants him to be perfect in everything. Even though she said those things, I know that she is deeply hurt. I just don't know what to do.
Do men usually admit they are asshole when they make mistakes like that?
2006-09-04 07:05:09 · update #1
i think that girl should talk to the guy about her feelings say that its hurting her that she's expecting him to be there when he's not and ask him to be truthfully to her even if he thinks it might hurt her but the truth is always the best set up a date where she can go meet him at a spot for sure he'll be at or make it a group meeting
2006-09-04 06:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by BINKbong 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately, of course, the 'girl' who knows him has to make the judgement call. First of all, is this a repeating pattern? Does he often miss dates, show up late, forget things, and say he's sorry? If this is the first time or a 'rare' thing, and she actually does love him, then it sounds like forgiveness is in order.
If it's a repeating pattern, then she may want to start considering her own needs. As in actaully having someone who makes a concerted effort to show up on time, be respectful and not disregard the fact that she is waiting around for him while he's doing whatever else that is more important at that moment. This doesn't mean LEAVE! If she loves, and he has bad habits or is irresponsible and she wants to make an effort to help, so that her needs are met too, and then they can both have a more fulfilling relationship... then she should COMMUNICATE with him. Give him some time and see how he reacts. If he by some chance goes with "this is who I am. Blah blah. Big deal, I missed it." Well, those types of people tend to keep doing that until they get cut off by someone who actually does love them. Love can be present for many reasons, seasons, or lifetimes. Deciding how you will let your love play out in each scenario is soley up to you (or in this case, her).
2006-09-04 14:45:20 · answer #2 · answered by kree8iv73 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who really knows what anyone is thinking?
A clue to what he was thinking when he chose to let her down can be found in his behaviour in the past, and particularily since.
It sounds like he is disrespecting her, perhaps because he has been able to do so in the past, with her or his exes.
Maybe he is being himself, and your friend has to find a compromise between allowing him to be himself and getting the reliability she needs from him.
It is largely true that love is seldom equal and that the main giver of affecton will be taken for granted by the other until the other is shocked into realising what they stand to loose
The best solution is for your friend to have a very calm and honest chat with him to take the destructive doubt out of the situation
Making him feel pressured can backfire
Ups and down happen in every relationship and sometimes its better to have them at the beginning rather than have them develop once you have a family!
Communication and setting clear boundaries for behaviour you wont accept is a good start.
Finding the strength to back off from being with someone you love when they disrespect you is very tough to do but, alongside a clear explanation of why you need to do so, it can help make things more equal.
But it cant do much if the guy just doesn,t care enough
Good Luck xx
2006-09-04 14:28:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
damn! answer has been taken but i agreed with saulg_21 because i would do the same . she need to focus on what was this moron perspective on ... his lovely date or his crappy car , then she need to realize that he wont be thinking of her as a "priority" than his car. it will happen again so why hang on the irresponsible person that's gonna make her unhappy, so why don't you go take Ur friend out to movies alone and try to encourage her to make new guy friends during a line up or outdoor places or flirt and do the hook up for her and maybe that guy would be a lucky guy for her and that should cover ur base to make ur friendship bigger. have fun.
2006-09-04 14:25:10 · answer #4 · answered by WANTED !! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, my car broke down once while I was going to pick up my date. I called her house and told her what happened. I ended up taking the bus ,but I got there. We ended up using public transportation that evening. But at least I made the effort,right? This guy sounds like he's one of those,"I'll wait for something better to come along" guys. It's time to kick him to the curb and move. He's not worth your time and aggravation.
2006-09-04 13:54:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he doesn't really care about her. "she means a lot to him"?? hmm.. a lie..if she really means a lot to him he would at least call her first and tell what happen (at the 1st date) not waiting for her to call him. then if she really means a lot to him, he would try his best not to make her dissapointed, not just leave it like that and hoping she will forgive him without any dissapointment.
well...sorry but i think the best suggestion is to leave him, it obviously hurt to leave him but the hurt will stop at that time only, it will not continuosly happen like if she keep him still. he might probably hurt her again n again. good luck
2006-09-04 13:56:01 · answer #6 · answered by bizy_fun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words.
If she knew that, she would probably realize on her own that she needs to get a new boyfriend. He obviously doesn't truly care about her or he wouldn't do those things to her.
2006-09-04 13:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows that he won't get in trouble so there's no need for him to be there for her. She needs to stop being so accepting of it. He knows that he can walk all over her.. so he is.
And the thing you don't want to hear.. she needs to at least consider it now before she gets hurt more. She needs to stop being so accepting of his cancellations.
2006-09-04 13:53:55 · answer #8 · answered by attila 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋