how do i handle a dr jeckle mr hyde daughter in law?

Question

most of the time she is fine. but recenttly she has been drinking more. and seems to like to run her mouth or take her anger out on me. when she is not drinking she will call me to complain about my son. her parents recently died, so i know she is grieving. but she has other family and friends she could talk to but she does not want to upset them. i have asked her to please not call my son names to me i know he is not perfect but he is still my son. she is most of the time a nice person to be around. but just this last weekend she got drunk and started calling me bad names.....my grandson told me this. he was upset because he loves me and gets confused by her actions. she then tells him not to tell me i can see the hurt in his eyes. he slipped the other day and said in front of his mom and me that mom called me bad names. iam hurt but also angry with her but need help on how to approach her without causing a bitter conflict any suggestions please. thank you

i was not present when she called me bad names this weekend....but had just left her rental house after helping her repaint .

Answer 1

Your daughter-in-law is strictly Dr. Jeckle. You need to set the parameters for your communications. I would like to recommend the book "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense" for you. You are allowing this person to verbally abuse you. And I would tell her straight out that y ou will not discuss ANYTHING with her when she is drunk. If she is complaining about your son why not suggest family counseling? Tell her you are not a professional and she would benefit from sharing with someone who is impartial.

Answer 2

First off, she is suffering. She needs help. Talk to her. Don't talk about her with your son. That might just upset her more. If she called you bad names, it is probably during a drunken stuper. Be a friend, don't try to take over for her lost mother.
If you think she is beyond help, schedule a sit down with her. She needs help with her drinking. Don't go behind her back, be a FRIEND.

Answer 3

You can stop helping her.

SHE has a problem with HER relationship, and it is something she and her husband need to address.

As the Mother-in-law, you will be of no help at all. She will blame you, argue with you and... well, it just won't look pretty.

If her husband doesn't see a problem, then there is an even BIGGER problem.

Some will suggest that she get help, (professionally/psch. help) but, that is a decision SHE will have to agree with.