my husband and i have split up, it is very complicated, i still love him but can not have him back.
we have a 3 yr old girl and i am nearly 4 months pregnant.
i no i want this baby but when i am feeling low i keep finding myself wishing that i was not pregnant and feeling like i dont want the baby, feeling chocked and terrified of doing this with out him.
i would hate myself if anything happend, i no that.
Why am i having such horrible thouights about my un- born child. i am scaring myself.
2006-09-04 01:57:17 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i am 21 years old
2006-09-04 02:05:01 · update #1
the reason we are split is because he has been hitting me, for a while and i could not let it go on. he keeps asking to come home, saying sorry ect but that never changed anything before and wont now.
2006-09-04 02:37:10 · update #2
You are scared and thats ok. You have been through alot and things are probably overwelming for you at this moment. You have already said you want the baby so I think the doubts stem from fear of what the future will bring for the three of you. Its very normal for you to be having these feelings but grab on to the joy of a beautiful life growing inside of you -your child and hold on to it. You are stronger than you think. You got out of what alot of women can,t and thats an abusive relationship---Good for you. Now just take a deep breath and relax. You have love around you. You daughter and now your unborn child. Take that love and keep it in the front of your mind and you will be a great provider and mom.
Doing this without him is the best thing for the three of you. What kind of life would you and your children have with an abusive husband everyday. It would be terrifying for them as well as you.
Stay out now that you,ve come this far. You have to for your children and yourself. You all deserve real love everyday all day.
Good luck!
2006-09-04 05:42:26 · answer #1 · answered by ~♥ L ♥~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad mother. Just because you feel that way doesnt mean that is you. Hormones are a crazy *****. They take over our bodies. So not only are you trying to keep your hormones in check but you are trying to deal with this VERY hard issue.
I know someone that was raped and got pregnant off the rape. All through her pregnancy she had to learn out to not attach the baby to the man who raped her.
I would find a way that you can not attach the two. I know its very hard but this may help you be happier about this blessing!!
I also would get some professional to talk to during this pregnancy and after words to make sure you dont slip into post partom.
If in time you think about adding your husband back into the picture both of you guys go see someone together...but do this living in different homes.
Good luck... Look at your belly and smile because your little bean is in there.
2006-09-04 11:57:38 · answer #2 · answered by Natasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe many people have fears about having a baby for many diferent reasons, it migth be because they don't have the time, or they don't have the money, for healthy reasons, anything can make you feel frigthened about it.
Despite it, you have to work hard to first of all, make your self being more strong, it's not about the baby, it-s about you, that baby and your 3 yr old girl needs you strong, needs you secure, needs you complete. You cannot let them down.
I know it migth seem complicated, dificult, almost imposible, but you have to focus on how to make things happen, how to be better, you and your kids.
You have to stop the negative thinking and start thinking on how are you gonna go on with your life.
We cannot have any opinion on your break up, but you have the facts, and if that is something with no solutions, then go ahead and work it out. Take your life, and you childrens life ahead. Do it.
Stop even thinking how bad mother you are when you are afraid, use that fears to find solutions. You can do it, but you won't get anything blaming your self or feeling sorry for your self.
2006-09-04 07:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by Popocatepetl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going though a rough time right now and you did the right thing if he was hitting you.... You and your kids need to be in a safe place, and that wasn't the place for you to be..... Now it is time to look into the future and see what you can offer this unborn child as well as your 3 year old. And resenting the unborn baby is not what you should be doing.... it is not the babies fault that he/she is coming into the world... So, snap out of your negative thoughts and be the loving parent that you know you can be.... These kids depend on you, now don't let them down...... YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
2006-09-04 04:33:58 · answer #4 · answered by Couple of Cents 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're better off without him. If he started hitting on you, how long before he would start on your 3 yr old and your unborn child? You did the right thing. I'd go one step further and get a restraining order against that sob.
You're not a bad mother either. You're pregnant and you have a ton of hormones going off kilter. On top of being pregnant, you're also a single mom who has to support 2 kids so I can only imagine what you're going through. The future looks uncertain, but it will get better after you give birth.
If you have a lot of family and friends, now is the time to go to them for support, whether to watch your 3 yr old or for emotional support. Do what you have to do to help your 2 kids and yourself survive. But whatever you do, do not go back to your husband.
Hang in there.
Hugs
2006-09-04 02:54:06 · answer #5 · answered by pidpit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are feeling threatened. Not knowing the circumstances behind your breakup with your husband, it is hard to say if that is directly influencing the way you feel, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with it, even if only indirectly.
You are going through a stage of depression. You are feeling overwhelmed and your thoughts are turning toward your unborn child because that is your most immediate influence on your future lifestyle.
I only hope the father of those children is going to willingly support them the way they deserve. It isn't their fault that the two of you have separated and they shouldn't be made to suffer for it.
Because of your depression you need to seek professional help. I've been there, I know. This professional help will aid you in deeling with your feelings. It will make all the difference in the world as to how you look at things, how you look at your future and how you will take control of your life and that of your children.
Please don't wait any longer. There is no shame in asking for help when you are depressed. The stigma of being "crazy" associated with seeing a psycologist or psychiatrist is no longer the norm. Get assistance as soon as possible, you will feel much better about yourself, your unborn baby and life in general. It will help you deal with what is ahead of you in the future.
Good luck and God bless.
2006-09-04 02:10:17 · answer #6 · answered by wetsaway 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I resented my unborn baby but for a very different reason - I was very sick throughout my pregnancy and I felt that I had lost my life - I couldnt eat, I couldnt go out to work or for any other reason all I could do was lie in bed, throw up heaps and when I wasnt at home I was at the hospital for drips or to be admitted - I hated this thing growing inside me and making me as sick as I was - but I can tell you something as soon as she was born I wasnt sick any more and I loved her more than anything - I never realised such a strong love could be formed - you can do it without your ex - take it one day at a time and stop punishing yourself - you will love this child just as much as you do your current child.
2006-09-04 02:06:24 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Kazz♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not a bad mother. When you have such an event in your life it is normal to have all kinds of feelings. Just remember it is not impossible to raise a child alone. And if he is a real man he will be there for the baby regardless
2006-09-04 02:07:16 · answer #8 · answered by just me and my crew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think having this second child is not such a good idea. I would give it up for adoption. Keep in mind,ITS NOT THE CHILDS FAULT. This child didnt ask to be born!!! If you can not come to terms with your situation, then I would seriously consider, adoption..many women out there can not have children and would love to be a parent.. Good luck
2006-09-04 08:35:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that having 2 little kids on your own would scare pretty much anyone. It's important for you to get some help so that you'll be in better emotional shape by the time your baby is born. Also make sure to build up a good support system for after s/he is born.
It's important for you to be strong for your little girl and for your unborn baby! If you start having scary thoughts, make sure to get help - it is amazing how much talking to someone who isn't emotionally involved can help change the way you look at things.
2006-09-04 02:05:08 · answer #10 · answered by IVF Expert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋