Roll up roll up... you have 4.5 minutes to submit your best joke ever.... on your marks.... get set.....?

Question

GO!

Answer 1

A woman sitting at a roadhouse in Top Springs, NT, suddenly
began to cough while eating a giant outback steak.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real
distress and two Jackaroos at the next table turned to look at her. "Can ya swalla?", asked one Jackaroo.
The woman signalled "No", desperately shaking her head.
"Can ya breathe?", asked the other.
The woman, beginning to turn blue, shook her head "No".
With that, the first Jackaroo raced over to her, lifted up the
back of her skirt, yanked down her panties, and slowly ran his tongue up and down the woman's butt crack.
This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the
obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
The Jackaroo walked back over to his mate and proudly took another drink of his VB. His mate said in admiration,
"Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but I
ain't never seen nobody do it before".

:)

Answer 2

Barbecue

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-*** grill for one little weenie?

Answer 3

Why did the blonde change her baby's diaper once a week?

The box said "Up to 20 pounds".

Answer 4

I like water melon flavored lollipops

Answer 5

one day i'ma gonna to Malta bigga hotel. Ina morin i go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress i wann two pissis toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her i want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say u no understand i wannna piss on my plate. She ay u better not piss onna plate, u sonna ma bitcha. I dont even know the lady and she calls me sonna ma bitcha!! Later i go to big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fock. I tella her i wanna fock. She say everybody wanna fock. I tella her u no understand, i wanna fock on the table. She say u better not fock on the table u sonna ma bitcha. So i got back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits on the bed . i call the manager and say I wanna ****. He tell me to go to the toilet. I say u no understand I wanna **** onna my bed. He say u better not **** onn bed u sonna ma bitcha. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say, peace on u. I say piss on u too, u sonna ma bitcha. I gonna back to italy!!.