my daughter who is 2&1/2 yrs old is very very hyper, very violent and aggressive, what should I do?

Question

If we go to reataurant with her, she starts throwing plates and glasses on the florr, at someone's house, she ripps off magazines and brings the whole house down, walking on the street, if I try to control her from running, she lying down on the street and wouldn't get up,embarassing.

Answer 1

All young children can be difficult, and many go through ‘terrible twos’(and threes') where tantrums play a frequent part in daily living. However sometimes the poor parent who is looking after a child who displays frequent and aggressive outbursts can feel like they have done ten rounds with the world boxing champion!

Often it helps to accept that tantrums are caused by a child being unable to communicate words and feelings. At this age they cannot explain just what is upsetting them or describe the feelings they are having at the time.

Often toddlers get so giddy or over stimulated they do not, or can not convey what they want in an appropriate manner, and it is never easy trying to find ways to alleviate these ituations, as something which seems to work one day, has no effect whatsoever the next.

However, following are a few suggestions which just MAY work from time to time. Some are more suited to the younger child, but you may have to deal with tantrums in children who should be well past them, for example when children have behavioural disorders. Please don’t come back to me if they don’t work! I am still dealing with tantrums in an twelve year old, and often I don’t have the answer, however some the following ideas may be worth a try;
Prevention.

Can you spot early warning signs which indicate your child is building up to a tantrum? If so, try to step in and calm them before it escalates into full scale war. If you see a pattern emerging to these outbursts, keep the child away from the same scenario next time if possible. For example, if your child plays up in the supermarket or mall, try to make alternative arrangements. Could a friend or neighbour look after them while you get your shopping?

Distraction.

Does the child have a favourite book, toy or cuddly animal? If so, it is sometimes possible to distract them enough in the early stages to stop it becoming a full tantrum.

Reassurance.

Talk in a soothing voice throughout, and promise that they are safe and that they are going to be OK. Keep doing this until they have regained control of their emotions. If the child wants a cuddle and a good cry after calming down, let them.

Talking.

Afterwards explain that you understand that they were upset and it is all right to be upset from time to time. Don't make the child feel that their feelings are 'bad' but that they are normal feelings that we all feel from time to time .

Stay calm.

A difficult one this admittedly, as some tantrums are downright distressing to experience. Staying calm however, helps you to stay in control of the situation. It is never a good idea to match aggression with aggression. You’ll just lose it!

Stand your ground.

Try not to give in to a screaming child, even though it is very tempting ‘for a quiet life.’ If you do, it will just give the message that if the child screams long and hard enough they will eventually get what they want.

Good luck!

Answer 2

First you need to take her to your doctor, to make sure she is ok. Im saying ADHD or anything like that but sometimes kids act certain ways when they are allergic to things.

She also might be bored and the first thing she wants to do is to distory things. i would get her into an activity. Get her out of the house for a few hours a day. Try tireing her out during the day doing things if you can.

Also remember she is 2 1/2 you are stronger then her. Dont worry that you might hurt her, It would be better that you be a little embarred by smaking her on her fanny if she goes in the street then her get hit by a car.

As for the resturants when she start acting that way, get up and leave, Pay what you have to if you ordered food but leave right away and tell her that is why you are leaving and if she does not act better she will not go with the next time you are out.

Answer 3

Is she in day care? NICHD studies predict early use of day care dramatically increases aggression in children. If she is in day care, you may need to start raising her yourself.

Regardless of how she spends her days, every single time she acts like this, she needs to go. If she starts throwing anything a a rest - out she goes. If she rips a magazine, it's taken from her and outside she goes. If she lies down on the street, pick her up and lay her down on the sidewalk. Who cares, let her lay there. When she gains nothing by these behaviors, she'll choose different ones.
You should go now and buy the little paperback, "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen an dListen So Kids Will Talk." Very practical, easy to read, lots of pictures - and it works great! When children are bonded to mommy, they want to please her and want to be taught how to control their overwhelming emotions. Hitting only makes it worse, yelling only makes it worse, you acting helpless definitely makes it worse.

Good luck and hopefully you'll be enjoying her more soon.

Answer 4

You have to be more stubborn than she for example... my daughter is the same age

the restaurant tantrum would get her a seat facing away from the table and the family would ignore her for 2 whole minutes then if she had stopped screaming we would turn her around we tell her why she is in time out when she goes and when she gets out... I take the fork away when she throws it and if it lands in the floor it stays in the floor and i tell her it is dirty.... at a friends house she would sit in time out for two minutes and then she would go to the owner of the house and say sorry and tell them what she did that she is apologizing for
a laying down kicking screaming fit I just step over her and walk far enough away that I can see her and she is not in danger but its not obvious that she is with me- at home she is sent to her room until she is finished then she can come back to the family room and talk to me like a big girl that is the only way she gets what she wants if she wants milk she can scream herself purple but to get it she needs to say may i please and thank you.

I know its embarrassing but watch nanny 911 on TV its worth it we use those techniques on my daughter and my niece and about the only fits we get now .... at least from mine are when she is tired.

Answer 5

I think you need a lobotomy for asking this. This is absolutely disgusting. Maybe your daughter is really aggressive and acts out because you seriously are considering performing brain surgery on her for being a typical 17 year old girl. Its a phase she`ll get over it. I`m actually fuming reading this. Some people should not be aloud to reproduce. I feel so bad for your daughter.

Answer 6

What your daughter is doing at this age is very normal believe it or not. She is experiencing the "terrible twos". Some children are not as terrible as others. She is also at a point where she needs to push her limitations, she is trying to be dependant. Therefore, it makes life a little rough at times. I know I am going through this as well. Here is a website that I get a lt of my information, other parents give advice as well. Good Luck

Answer 7

These are normal behavior of a kid. It will gradually change as they grow older. If you have a nanny who can look after her, its better to keep her at home. She will spoil the day when she's with you and doing such things. If you don't have, I believed, there are nursery homes for the kids nearby, where you can leave her for a couple of hours. They have professional staff's for this purpose for a few dollars, at least, you and the rest of the family will enjoy an evening of get together.

Answer 8

I can understand your problem very well. I have a brother who used to do all this in his childhood and went out of control when he grew up. Trust me... my parents gave him everything he needed as he turns violent. He still is this way. Nowadays he demands big things. I would suggest you to take control of your daughter and don't agree to her wishes. Show her that you are her mom. She is just 2 1/2 years old. She can't be that violent. But just imagine a 18 year old violent daughter. You dont wanna see that....do you? So act now....Its now or never.........my experience says this.

Answer 9

I've got two words for you Super Nanny or Nanny 911...
My niece tries to hit my son a lot she will hit him in his face and just come up and smack him for no reason but my god she gets hit right back. I wouldn't put up with what you are dealing with if my son decided he was going to lay down in the middle of the road I would jerk his butt up and leave an impression he wouldn't be able to forget about. Forget that your the mommy start acting like it...

P.S were is her father does he put up with it too.

Answer 10

try limiting her sugar intake and when she does act out have her stand in the corner facing you and tell her that what she did was very bad and not to do it again, you will need to raise your voice if that doesn't work try a pat on the bottom my rule of thumb is one pat both my grand babies(age 2&21/2) listen more often than not sending them to their room or standing in the corner works everytime. good luck