Help! I need parenting advice!?

Question

My 8 year old is very spoiled and I don't know what to do! He throws fits still, in public and private. It is very embarrassing! I stopped taking him to stores because when I don't buy him exactly what he wants he throws one of his fits.
Today, we took him to see his Grandma and got him a toy that he has wanted for a long time. After that, we went out to dinner. He said that this was his best day ever and you could tell that he was having this incredible day!!! Then, he wanted to play some arcade games, we didn't have the $ on us and he threw this major fit. Yelling at us a crying a bunch! He even tried to hit me! Several times!!! He hit his brother and told him that he always hated him and that his brother had ruined his life. We sent him to his romm, when we got home and took away the toy, we'll give it back in 3 days and told him so. I don't know what to do about this one and I would really appreciate any help.

Answer 1

Have you tried a reward system instead of a punishment? We LOVE charts in our house, you can easily make one on your computer. We reward both behavior and jobs around the house.

For you I would suggest tackling just the behavior first and money might be the right reward for his age. You have to be persistant with the chart and once he's earned something....don't take it away.
Say, for every day he doesn't throw a fit, he gets a dollar (or what ever you can afford), if there is a single fit...that dollar is gone, no second chances. Tape the daily money above the chart so he can see it. Once he has earned the money, it's his to keep and spend as he wishes. DO NOT BUY HIM ANYTHING...make him earn it...even the quaters for the games and machines. OF course you will have to do this with his brother as well.

Since going out with him is difficult, make that a reward too. Say if he makes it 3 days in a row (set your own limit here but make sure it's obtainable!) you'll take him to spend the money. To ease the situation, take him alone (without brother) and early in the morning (he's in a better mood and there is less people out).

Slowly increase the demands on him to include chores and respect and once you have your son back...take the reward to teach him about money, having him split the money he earns into 3 jars...spend, save, donate (let him pick the charity, my kids like going to wal-mart and buying pet food and toys to donate to the local shelter!)

Good luck

Answer 2

set down the rules and consequences before you leave to go out. Don't buy him anything unless it is Christmas or Birthday and warn him if he continues this behaviour even no presents for Christmas ( only do this if you are willing to follow through) NEVER EVER GIVE IN TO THE TANTRUM! Taking away the toy was the right thing to do but i would not give it back until you have had many trips of no tantrum throwing. Take away everything he owns if you have to and make his good behaviour earn it back and at the first temper tantrum take it all back again.
Get on top of this now because an 8 year old doing this is embarrassing enough but imagine a 10 year old doing it

Answer 3

well, don't send him to his room, because i'm sure his room is full of other things he can play with. put him somewhere that has nothing fun for him, like the laundry room or the corner of the dining room. just make sure there are no toys or television. when he has calmed down, tell him why he is being punished and make sure he understands and get him to apologize. because he's behaviour is so unacceptable, you should not buy him any toys until his behaviour changes and advice his grandma to do the same. every time he throws a fit in public, pack him up in the car and leave and send him to his designated punishment spot. go back on your own when someone is able to stay at home with him. if his behaviour persist, start taking away privledges like playing video games, watching t.v. or his favorite toy. if he tries to hit you, remember, you are stronger than him, so restrain him and make it loud and clear that he is not to ever hit you. if you spank, make sure you save the spankings for exceptionally bad behaviour, because if you spank for every little thing, you child will become desensitized. same with yelling. try not to yell at all, but instead use a firm strong voice. whatever the punishment method you chose to use, make sure once things have calmed down, that you tell him why he was punished and that you love him. and most importantly, BE CONSISTENT! do not give in to trantrums and do not deviate from the punishment, because that will just send you back to square one each time.

if nothing works, he may be acting out. talk to him about his feelings and if anything has been bothering him. perhaps a school counselor would be of some help in trying bridge communication.
good luck

Answer 4

at 8 years old your dealing with a master manipulator he's gonna want to get his way come hell or high water. First u did the right thing in giving him a consequence for his actions for every action is a consequence even a 2 year old understand this really they don't like it but they understand it so talk to him before if you don't have the money tell him Tyler (just an example) We are going to the store I have to buy milk etc. I can only buy u some thing worth 50cents if u don't like it I'm going to take u home with dad.I have a 6 year old and every isle we go down he wants a new item and at that point I ask him ok do u want the cereal or this toy so u give them the power to choose and make his own choices it works girl. choose your battles u are the adult not him I don't know if u believe in spanking but let me tell u one good swat to get his attention could do it firm no more stop.your face has to say your serious. hope this has helped oh and p.s. get up early before he wakes up and pray ask God to help you to have wisdom in dealing with your children for they are the future leaders of tomorrow.

Answer 5

The Naughty Spot is a good one - one minute for each year of age. Explain why you put him there and ask for an apology when you go to get him off. Don't speak to him while he's throwing his tanty except to say that he is going on the spot and he can come off in x minutes. When he does come off, see if he can tell you why you put him there, if he can't, explain to him that you don't like the way he was behaving, you love the boy but dislike the behavior. Keep in mind that nothing will work over night, you'll need to do any new changes a few times for them to start taking effect. Most importantly, be consistent. And I agree with answer 1 - they don't need new toys each time you go out, that's what birthdays and christmases are for! Good luck.

Answer 6

First of all I think you have given him what he wants from the day he was born and spoilt him. You let him make the rules in your home and control you. You are a bad parent to do that. You should dicipline your child and not let him get him get away with anything. If he says he wants something don't give it to him unless he stops throwing a fit and ground him for his bad behavior. You have to be consistent about this. Your husband and you both need to be on the same page. If this continues he will be impossible as time goes by and it will be a nightmare! He will go out into the world thinking everyone should cater to him instead of being a respectful, humble, giving and understanding person.not to mention a good citizen. You have to stop giving in. Start saying no immediatly. no to everything for weeks until he understands who is in charge and let him know that bad behavior will not be rewarded. he needs to learn to be respectful towards you and obey you both. good luck.

Answer 7

Lady, your issues started a long time ago! Instead of raising your child, you let it do what it wanted to do and you rewarded it for negative behavior. Now you do not seem to like the product that YOU have created.

I do not think that you are prepared to do what it takes to straighten your child out!

The child does ion public exactly what you allow in the home!

Stop the issues at home and you will not have them in public!

NEVER let a child hit you are even give the impression that it would hit you. NEVER! That is butt time!

if no positive response, take every toy out of the bed room, give them away to some other family!

The TV does not come on! If there is a computer, that comes out of the room too!

He cleans his room to YOUR satisfaction, windows floors and all.

He washes out the toilet, face bowel and wash the floor. You show how but he does it, EVERY WEEK!

Answer 8

This son of yours sounds like a handful, despite all your efforts, huh. If all parents had to do was give their kids a lot of space, treat them like adults, and if absolutely necessary, explain why they might want to behave better. How nice that would be, if that were true! All this mumbo-jumbo talk about " positive discipline " or the " positive parenting ", it sounds good, but in actuality it is more like repackaged permissiveness. These techniques simply allow the child power over his behaviour.
What ridiculous advice! What is wrong with explaining to your kid exactly what you want him to do, and expect obedience in return? The answer, is nothing! A parent who never takes charge firmly is depriving them of understanding their authority. Sooner or later your son will meet a teacher, a police officer or someone who is going to expect orders to be carried out as specified. The child who has heard only " suggestions " for their behaviour through the years is not prepared for the real world.
It is difficult to struggle for control every day and it probably leaves you frustrated and worn out. Willfil children can be a handful and difficult to manage, even when you handle your responsibilities as best as you can.
It may take several years to bring your son to a point of relative obedience and cooperation within the family unit, and your son may be strong-willed all his life, but you can with work, gain control back. Your son can and must be taught to respect authority and get along in the family. No doubt, he will always have an assertive temperment. This is not a bad thing, it just simply is.
You will not and you shouldn't try to fix your son overnight. Treat him with love, but require him to follow your leadership. When he's spoiling for war, make sure the matter is worthy of confrontation, and accept his challenge on those issues and win decisively. When his behaviour warrants praise, it's a good thing.
The bottom line here is to establish your position as " I'm the adult here and your the child ". Once your son knows that your in charge, he can be held accountable for behaving in a respectful manner. But it is extremely important for you to sift through his challenges and select the ones that warrant confrontation, and meet his challenge, but you have to win and win confidently. Do not back down or give in or it could prove destructive to your leadership. When you resort to tears, yelling or some other evidence of frustration, your son will notice your weakness and he will don't kid yourself, he will see you become some spineless jelly-fish who is unworthy of respect or allegiance from him.
You cannot approach your strong-willed son with harshness or gruffiness, it will not be effective. Any kind of bartering, whacking, threats, criticizing, are also destructive and counterproductive. Besides all that resentment your storing up will hit you in the face when your soon reaches his teen years or even beyond.
Show your son that you are a confident leader and that you are definetly in charge and that you do love him.

Answer 9

You might look into behavior modification therapy. This involves privileges being given as they are earned. The child gets "points" for good behaviors and loses privileges in response to bad behaviors.

Immediately during a bad behavior, put him in a time-out corner. (It is better than spanking. How do you teach a child with siblings not to hit by hitting?)

The next time he wants something significant--say, for example, a toy...Or even the right to use that toy that you already got him, lay out certain criteria for him to earn it.

1. Must go 24 hours without temper tantrum
2. Treat siblings with respect.

In fact, to make this an active process, you can set up a chart for that 24 hour period, (or at least the next 12 waking hours)
Every hour of good behavior will earn 1 point. Even ONE bad behavior and you tear up the chart and start over on the NEXT day and spend the rest of the day in a time out in his room.

(note: Does anyone have a camera? Next time he has a temper tantrum, film it, and let him see how it looks. He will be embarrassed. When he's having that tantrum, he's only thinking about what he wants. Does he have any "Heroes?" If he likes--say...spiderman--ask him if he thinks spiderman would act that way? Is that the way a hero behaves? )

Encourage him to talk to you about things he wants--and rather than always giving him a "no," think of a behavior-modification style way for him to earn what he wants.

In fact, you can do an individual "chart" for all your children at the same time, so none of them feel neglected or harassed.

You might go to your library and see if you have any of these books available: http://www.webehave.com/beast.htm

about.com article on behavior mod:
http://specialed.about.com/od/behavioremotional/a/5step.htm

Good luck.

(Though none of it is luck. It is all about being firm, consistent and providing a good example with your own behavior.)

Answer 10

Control is what is ultimately lacking. You're not alone. I've got a 3, a 7 , & an 8.

When you discipline - be stern. Don't let them talk you out of it. It's hard to "punish" 8 year olds - I know.

For a laugh to ease your worries: Today, my 8 year old son and 7 year old daughter repeatedly ignored me while I was telling them to hush. And it was loud, loud, loud. Anyway, I put the girl on the couch and told the boy to go back to his room. The girl is very disciplined and silences immediately once you really get serious about it. After about 5 minutes my son comes to me and asks to get out - I said no. Another 5 and another no. And so on for another 20 minutes. Finally, he came and I said go back to your room and count to a thousand and then you can come out. To this he stormed out of the den stomping his feet and hitting the walls. I laughed the whole time. Anyway, after a few minutes I went to his room and asked what number he was on. He looked at me and sighed that he hadn't even started yet. Well, at least I know he's honest and wasn't thinking about fibbing about counting. Once I let him in on the fact that he never really had to count, "and" that there was no way I could tell if he did or didn't, I cracked on him about swallowing my "hook, line, and sinker". We had a good laugh and that's a good way them.