my brother's friend came to visit him and is staying at his house. today my brother invited my husband and i to lunch. his friend, after ony a few minutes of talking to us, asked us when he could come see our house. he asked very directly, and in such a way that it would have seemed rude to decline. his girlfriend was there and of course he implied that she come along too. we've never met her before and we don't really know the guy himself too well, only met him a couple of times and never had a personal relationship with him, but he 's very close to my brother. is his directness rude. how should i have handled the situation? I am uncomfortable with them visiting but have already told them they can come over, what do i do? i don't want to be rude or ruin the relationship between my brother and his friend.
2006-09-03 17:26:22 · 24 answers · asked by Luki 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Yes, he's rude, but it's very easy to solve.
Did you give him a date / time to show up? If not, then it's a "generic" invitation, and if he shows up at the front door, greet him, let him know that he's picked a bad time to come, and don't give him another time to come.
For example, he shows up. You open the door and say "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you, and we're not accepting company right now". If he insists on coming in, repeat your sentence a second time, and then close the door. You do not have to let someone in just because they knock on your door.
If they're supposed to come Thursday at 7, call them up and tell them you're sorry, but you won't be able to accomodate them, and again, do not provide an additional time.
If they say they want to see your house, ask them why? If he says because he's interested, just smile and say that you're flattered by his interest, but the house isn't available for viewing at this time.
Trust me, if the relationship between the brother and friend occur, it has nothing to do with you refusing to be a doormat for this guy.
2006-09-03 17:55:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So incredibly out of line and rude, not to mention a total lack of class. Hint or invite yourself, and you have just alienated the other person. Expect never to be invited in the future by that person anywhere, especially to their home. If someone suggests or tries to invite themselves anywhere with you (or worse-at your expense) shake your head or say, "No". Offer no excuses or explanation. That person will rant on about you to others or try to find fault with you. Have no fear, the other people can see through that. They know why you didn't take them up on their low-class behavior, and such a generous offer to stay with you. What a laugh! An idiot can see right through them. Let them rent a room somewhere.
2015-12-06 10:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you already agreed to allow them to come over talk with your brother and explain the whole thing to him and ask your brother to be there also.I didn't see in your response if you are married or not but if you are next time your in a situation like this say " I like to talk these type of things over with my husband before making commitments". If you husband is right there with you at the time add " privatley talk these things over with my husband". I have found myself in positions where people with "strong personalitys" will ask something of me and me and my "shy personality" feels like a deer caught in head lights. I have often wondered what those with "strong personalitys" would say ( in a situation such as yours for example ) directly " I don't feel comfortable with that". I probably would never say something like that out right but I would be wanting to and also be wondering " WHY does he want to come to my house when I don't even know him". Hope things work out well for you though
2006-09-03 17:46:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was rude but I'm sure it was well-intentioned. If you were talking about buying or remodeling the house recently, it's a natural thing to want to see it. It's also possible that he just doesn't know how to make friends very well. It's too late to get out of seeing him and his girlfriend but you can tell him the house is a wreck or being worked on or something and offer to meet them elsewhere.
2006-09-03 17:33:40 · answer #4 · answered by Kuji 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His behavior was extremely rude and a good way to handle it might have been to say--I'd like to have you over soon, however right now we are so busy. Or you could say, I'll need to check my calendar we have so much going I'll call you.
He could just be interested in being better friends and felt comfortable with you but this is very forward behavior and not everyone likes such aggressiveness.
2006-09-03 17:33:27 · answer #5 · answered by charmingchatty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds a little wierd to me, and definitely rude. sometimes it is hard to say no when we are put on the spot like that. do you know when he is planning to come? if so, can you contact him to let him know you have other plans? if you don't know when he's coming, it might be more awkward. when he shows up at the door, tell him you are going out the door, sorry, but can you please call next time before stopping by? if he says but i dont have your phone #, grab your coat & head out (walking him back towards his car) and say well you can call my brother & he'll check with me. i know it is a sticky situation, which sometimes calls for a little white lie. You Can renig if you were pushed into in the first place...Always trust your instincts-that is Very Important!
2006-09-03 17:40:32 · answer #6 · answered by bonbon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel he was rude, then he was rude. Before you agreed to his visit, you should have taken your brother aside and told him how you felt and maybe he could have repaired the situation. Now that you have said he can come over, you are obligated to have him over. You would not have been rude to have denied him, in my opinion.
2006-09-03 17:29:27 · answer #7 · answered by AuroraDawn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you liked them and the feelings were mutual then it would not be rude, but if you thought it rude you must not have liked them much so it was rude. Soooooo I would call your brother and tell him to get rid of his friends and that would be that, if he doesn't do it and you feel bad about doing it have your husband do it. and if you want to be really nicey nice about it you could tell them something came up and it is impossible for you to have company at this time and that you will call them later, then of course lose their number, so to speak. good luck girl.
2006-09-03 17:36:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hy gay partners stteevie and daveeey why our home is not for you too sit around take your shoes of reach for the remote control on our plasma tv raid the referigator ful of beer, foood etc, our some godam grey hound bus station hey we work 70- 80 hours a week, etc, and are paying for itt if you want a flop house go sit around the grey hound terminals with the old bag ladies, if your in desperate measure gay bros we might consider but you en dare enter our bedromm theres a double barreel, shot gun up your wazoo and we warn you theres plenty of moaning goroaningat late night except it or hit the highway hons!!
2006-09-03 17:33:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have met gang buster people
like that!! Don't you just hate
them?? I feel like if they can
be rude, so can I. You have
to have a ready made excuse
to tell people like that -
"I will be out of town, or we
have plans for that day," etc.
As a last ditch thing, you
can just say you don't feel
like company, you have
worked hard and have
to rest. Good luck.
Why don't you call your
brother and tell HIM to tell
them that you had completely
forgotten but you had accepted
an invitation from 'what's his
name' to go to a surprise
birthday party, blah blah blah.
2006-09-03 17:35:41 · answer #10 · answered by NANCY K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋