My boyfriend and I sometimes get in big fights, and once I was standing in the way of the door because he was threatening to go to his moms (like he always does) and I wouldnt move, so he grabbed me with both arms ( my arms were at my sides) and threw me on the floor and i got a rug burn on my elbow and my arm was sore the next day...is it considered abuse? should I leave? i really love him, but I don't know what to do...I dont want to end up like those girls on TV that are like "he beats me, but I love him" Please help!
2006-09-03 17:19:22 · 17 answers · asked by Julie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
P.s.
When we fight I never am the one yelling or bitching, I'm always the calm one...
2006-09-03 17:23:48 · update #1
Men are bigger then we are - therefore they NEVER EVER FOR ANY REASON get to put their hands on us!!! Did you see that correctly? NEVER! EVER! FOR ANY REASON!!! He has an anger management problem - DUMP HIM!!! Good luck.
2006-09-03 17:22:19 · answer #1 · answered by doc 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Grabbing you by both arms and throwing you on the floor to get out of his way is most definitely a sign of abusive behavior, and you ABSOLUTELY MUST take this as a warning. This may be a sign of things to come in the future, and if you ignore it now you could wind up being like those women on TV who stay in abusive relationships because they love their partners. How do I know? I have been there. PAY ATTENTION NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
Let me share...My former husband had an explosive temper (even though he was a quiet sort), and when I first learned of it when we were engaged, I chose to ignore what my instincts told me: NOT TO PROCEED WITH MARRIAGE. Despite being well educated, smart, and worldy wise, I ignored the warnings that were right in front of me and married him anyway. I didn't want to be alone and I thought I could change him. Ha! I learned the lesson the hard way. One time he punched me so hard in my left arm (because I didn't want to go some place) it left such a painful black bruise it took weeks to go away. Why did he do it? Because I "frustrated" him. When we fought he ran around the house and shut all the windows so the neighbors wouldn't hear us, and then he would corner me. I felt like a caged animal and would run like hell to the bathroom so I could lock myself in. When I finally could do so,he tried to take the hinges off the door. When he couldn't, he'd lie down on the floor outside the bathroom and wail like a baby. The last time he pulled me down a flight of steps in our house - after I had surgery - and he slammed me into the front door and then to the floor. He tried to strangle me. That was more than 12 years ago, and I was lucky to get out alive. But it took ten years to do so. I thought it was all my fault. He convinced me that it was. And I thought I would never be one of those women...but I was. I just believed in myself enough to get out before I got hurt more or worse, killed.
You could stay or you could go. The choice is completely yours. But you do need to think about his reaction and carefully consider your options now before you decide to progress further into your relationship. If you stay together you both need to find more productive ways to voice your anger than screaming and yelling. Barring him from leaving the house is not productive either because it obviously fuels his rage. Do that again and something worse could happen. Next time you fight - and if you can't work it through sensibly, let him go to his mother's house. You both must learn to actively listen to one another in a calm, measured way, rather than attacking each other. Do not blame. Take responsibility. LISTEN.
But remember....abuse escalates..one shove becomes one punch until one punch becomes three more punches and a shove into a wall or down the steps. BE careful. The life you save could be your own. Take it from one who knows.
2006-09-04 01:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Pea 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not abuse because you were keeping him from leaving (kidnapping) and he had every right to leave. While I think most men would have tried to be more gentle moving you, he did have a right to move you, and could actually have called the cops on you for preventing him from leaving.
2006-09-04 00:23:20 · answer #3 · answered by Boo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
to be absolutely honest with you
both of you were abusive.
it is concidered abuse to not let someone leave a situation because it is concidered controlling
however he should not have used physical force he could have used a different door or waited untill you moved
2006-09-04 00:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it was abuse because he used force with u but at the same time, he was trying 2 walk away from you and you wouldnt let him. i have to at least say good for him for trying to walk away before he did something to you, and i have 2 tell you that maybe next time ( if there is one) you shouldnt get in his way and let him walk out.
2006-09-04 00:25:14 · answer #5 · answered by J R 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is not abuse it's you being so stupid that you would not get out of his way! Men don't have to put up with this stupid stuff from women. Women are less then a dime a dozen. If anything the man is being abuse by your childish actions. Learn to live with him are let him go so he can get his next bed warmer.
2006-09-04 00:26:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
If he was the "right" guy he would stop threating u and try to work things out, and YES THAT IS ABUSE!!!! Over time Abuse gets worse when they know that your going to take it and still come running back to them. you need to get out before you really get hurt!!
xoxoxox
-emily
(i'll pray 4 u, babe)
2006-09-04 01:09:34 · answer #7 · answered by Emily S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, it's abuse, but it takes 2 to Tango and although I'm not condoning that he laid hands on you, why didn't you just move out of the way and let him go...
2006-09-04 00:23:19 · answer #8 · answered by sweet ivy lyn 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Things are obviously out of control. I don't blame him for getting you the hell out of his face, whatever works, but this relationship, from where I'm sitting, sounds like it's got nowhere to go but South.
2006-09-04 00:22:29 · answer #9 · answered by rocken_heimer 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i feel that u should leave even though it wasnt that bad he still put his hands on u he knows he stronger than u...and my mother was abused and it started with little pushes then him throwin her to the ground and then him hittin her......who knows what else he is capable of i think u should leave him
2006-09-04 00:25:28 · answer #10 · answered by Theresa J 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
GET... OUT... NOW!
If you let him get away with that, the next time it will be a little more, and then a little more and before you know it you are wearing sunglasses on cloudy days saying "When he hits me, its because I deserve it."
2006-09-04 00:24:52 · answer #11 · answered by robbet03 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋