what is your most crudest / dirtiest joke?

Question

make me smile or cring

Answer 1

Vaseline Market Research

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline.
Have you ever used the product?"
She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all.
My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

(AND YOU THOUGHT WHAT? )

Answer 2

After a bad accident skiing the doctor approached the patient and stated , I have some bad news and I have some good news . The patient said OK doc give me the bad news first . The doc said I'm sorry but those legs have to come off . With a glimmer of hope the patient replied "oh please now doc" I could really use some good news just about now. The doctor say's well the good news is the guy in the next bed wants to buy your shoes !

Answer 3

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He looks down the Bar and see's a leprechaun there. The leprechaun runs over and sticks out his tongue and goes thhh and spits all over him. The man is mad and tells him that if he does that one more time he'll chop off his Thingy. The Leprechaun laughs at this . The man gets even more mad and picks him up face to face and says whats so funny I'm gonna chop off your thing man the leprechaun laughs again and says I ain't got one the man says then how do you pee the leprechaun goes thhhh all in his face again and says that's how. Corney I know

Answer 4

This isn't a joke but it is a poam.
There was a young woman from Ealing who had a peculair feeling she laid on her back opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling. I heard it in a film.

Answer 5

2 little boys stood across the street from a drunk prostitute sitting down with her legs wide open looking at her p*ssy the first little boy said i bet it hair on it the second little boy said i bet its fur the first little boy said ill go see he walked across the street and came back the second little boy said which 1 was it the first little boy said neither it was flies

Answer 6

the story of cherr hill.the story goes like this every body's in school and a boy walks in five minutes late with no shirt and the teacher says "where have you been?" and the boy says "on top of cherry hill."then another boy walks in ten minutes late with no pants on and the teacher asks "where you been?"and he said on the bottom of cherry hill." the a girl walks in 20 minutes with nothing on the teacher says" where have you let me guess on of cherry hill ?"the girl says " i 'm cherry hill.''

Answer 7

My dirty joke from my great grandpa: The White Horse Fell in the Mud! Get it. The horse got dirty. It's a dirty joke.

My other dirty joke is: Q: What's green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit's fingers.

Get it!

Answer 8

There were 3 tampons walking down the road which one of them spoke?













None they were all stuck up c*nts!

Answer 9

this is hilarious!!!!


Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

Answer 10

Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes for today.

You will have to look for my picture to read them.