His parents promised us remainder of $$$ in wedding expense account -- do we ask for it?

Question

Hi all,

I could really use some input. In our culture, the bride's family pays for the engagement party, while the groom's family pays for the wedding.

My family threw a large (250 ppl) engagement party at an upscale hotel. His family had $$$ set aside to pay for our wedding, as they have money set aside for their other child who is not yet married. The $$$ was in an account that we had access to. They told us to use whatever we needed to pay for the wedding, and that whatever we didn't use on the wedding would be ours for a down payment on a home.

Well, we were careful and ended up using only about half of the money in the account. It's been 6 months, and his parents haven't said anything about the rest of the money. My husband doesn't want to ask them about it, since they always complain about how their business isn't doing great; he feels guilty, esp. since we are now making our own $$. I see it as a gift, and that it doesn't matter. Help!!!

Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

Just wanted to make clear -- his parents don't have it "bad" -- they live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, take lots of vacations, and live pretty well (but they probably live beyond their means). But they do have an issue of cash flow with their business -- it's not as profitable as they need it to be -- I know that a couple of months ago they dipped into their savings to pay their employees.

Answer 1

I'm confused. Since you had access to the account, why not just proceed according to their instructions and use the $$$? But now it sounds like you are waiting... or expecting them to do or say something else about the rest of the money. Which is it? Either way, you need to clear this up, or it will be hanging around your neck forever. You can say " About that money...is that still on the table?"...or..." how are you feeling about that now...?" But perhaps they are wondering why you haven't accepted their offer and taken the money. For everyone's sake, deal up front about this ASAP. This isn't going to go away by itself, and the longer you take, the more difficult it becomes.

Answer 2

I would politely bring it up with them and let them know that you would love to go ahead and put a down payment on the house with the remainder of the money set aside for the two of you.
Also saying, that it was very thoughtful of them to allow you to have full access to the account and allowing you to have the remanding balance to start your marriage off of the right foot with a home.

Answer 3

Your husband definitely needs to ask them, or you two together need to ask them. They already told you the rest of the money would be yours to use for a down payment on a home. So... if you have a home you are wanting to purchase, then by all means, that money is yours, so ask them about it. You may want to check the balance to see if they've been using money out of that account to help out with their business problems, as that money was promised to be yours. If you are just wanting the money to have it, then you shouldn't ask until you are getting ready to buy a home.

It is a wedding gift to the both of you, in my opinion. It doesn't matter if you are making your own money, as long as you are purchasing a home. That is what they designated the money for, so you need to use it for that.

Good luck.

Answer 4

if everything is payed for then don't dwell on it.. what u should've done was taken it all out and put it into u and ur husbands acct so then u wouldnt' have to worry about going back to the parents to get the $$$...

but their his parents so he should definitely talk to them if u need the $$ and say i don't want to impose but is ur offer still on the table re: the remainder $$ for the down payment of me and my wifes home.. and if they say yes then he can also mention how is business anyway.. and see if they need it.. if they need it then don't bother taking it and just keep it moving.. like u said u both make ur own $$ now anyway...

Answer 5

I don't think they would expect you to give the money back, particularly if it was a gift. Are you thinking about buying a home soon? Maybe you could tell them that you are wanting to buy a home shortly and bring the conversation around that topic?

Answer 6

i'm in basic terms guffawing on the "functioning stoner" being in comparison to a "functioning alcoholic". there is not any such element. As a convalescing alcoholic, enable me provide help to realize - you're a drunk. And your toddlers will understand and the two persist with your footsteps or think of you're pathetic. Get sober now. for each individual's sake.

Answer 7

If you are making your own money and his parents are having it kind of bad, let them have the money and try helping them out. Don't be greedy...didn't they help all they could? Give his parents a break....don't mess up your relationship with them over money. But if you have to have it so bad you go ask them for it yourself....don't put a stick between your husband and his parents.

Answer 8

It appears they are tight on money and hope to keep those funds
which were promised to you...
They are your funds but you know there may be long term hurt feelings if you ask for them...
I believe you can find a very diplomatic way of asking the question without much danger of any long term hurt feelings...

Answer 9

If they gave it to you then it is a gift. From what you say, it seems as if it was clear at the outset.


Keep saving for the house.