Clean ,dirty, anyyhing that isn't too corney.
2006-09-03 16:29:49 · 12 answers · asked by LeeLee 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
There was an airplane on the runway about to take off, when the stewardess asks everyone to take off there electrical equipment, but there was a blonde that just sat there and listened to her CD Player. The stewardess asked her personally to take it off, but still she wouldn't. The pilot came out and told her she needed to take off her earphones because she was holding the flight behind. She still didn't listen.
The stewardess reached over to her and pulled off her earphones and the blonde died. The pilot gasped and said, "I don't know what happened! She just died!"
The stewardess says, "I wonder what was so important she wouldn't take off her earphones."
She puts them on and she hears, "Breathe in....Breathe out....Breathe in....."
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
why would you want 2 ride w/ a blonde in a car w/ u??
so u can park in the handicapped zone!!!
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.
The blonde follows the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she'd indeed lost twenty pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it, and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."
2006-09-03 16:36:03 · answer #1 · answered by just tht kid over there 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
2. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.
10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.
11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
15. You! Know Y ou're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear?"
2006-09-03 16:53:25 · answer #2 · answered by Denise C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An old lady is having trouble with her pet dog snoring every night and keeping her awake. So she goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog's penis he'll roll over and stop snoring.
The next night her dog is snoring so she gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis. His snoring stopped.
Later on that night her dog is snoring again, so she gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis, and he stops snoring.
The next morning the dog wakes up, looks down at himself, and says: "I don't know what kind of freaky perverted dog-show you entered me into last night lady, but it appears I came in first and second."
2006-09-03 16:32:52 · answer #3 · answered by Pd 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why doesn't Michael Jackson want the never-land ranch anymore?
Its older than 15...
2006-09-03 17:07:09 · answer #4 · answered by Sleep deprived 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: What is the best time of day to go to the dentist?
A; Tooth-hurty (get it... 2:30)
Corny as all get out, but I love it.
2006-09-03 16:32:09 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah! I know this AWESOME joke about how to keep someone in suspence for a week!... ... uhh, I don't remember what it was though. I'll get back to you in a week...
2006-09-03 16:41:57 · answer #6 · answered by supershadowsniper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yah. Nice hair style on your avatar.
2006-09-03 16:32:40 · answer #7 · answered by EdnRder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man found a magic lamp on a beach he rubbed it, and out came a genie she told him he had one wish, he wished he was smarter than any man on earth so she turned him into a women.
2006-09-03 16:32:30 · answer #8 · answered by starlight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.
You will have to look for my picture to read them.
2006-09-03 18:56:25 · answer #9 · answered by Dew Drop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, my ex-husband!!! lol oops! not what you meant huh? sorry!! Take care!
2006-09-03 16:31:41 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋