I have been with my bf for 6 1/2 years, have lived together (renting) 2 months after we started dating & are looking at buying a house. If we buy a house he says that it is going under his name, so if we break up the house is his & I get nothing. We r not married & he said if we were it would be different with the whole house thing. I said if that is the case I am not buying a house with him until we r married. He said if I want to get married then I can pay 4 my own ring because it is a waste of money and I am the one wearing it. IF we buy this house, he expects me to pay for half of the mortgage, half of the utilities but wants me to sign an agreement that he gets the house if we break up. I am not ok with this AT ALL. I don't think that is right, I work fulltime, all of my money goes 2 half of everything, if we split I get nothing. He said he is just protecting himself, & I said that I'm just protecting myself. What do you think about this and what do you think that I should do?
2006-09-03 16:19:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
1) Don't pay for something that you don't get to have ownership in. He pays the house payment and you pay half the utilities.
2) This guy is planning for the divorce before you get married. Taking this into consideration I would not consider marrying him anyways.
3) If he doesn't think you are worth the money to give you an engagement ring then that just reenforces my thoughts on #2. I bet you get some really nice christmas presents. (LOL)
4) Lastly this guy is way too hung up on money. You know this now so if you stick with him and get married you will have no one to blame to but yourself. He will want to control your money and you will always come second to money issues. Tell him Hell is really nice this time of year and that he should go check it out.
2006-09-03 16:29:54 · answer #1 · answered by M T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG...I can't believe that guy just told you not to worry about it. That is a very big concern. You have every right to worry about it. Guys just come from different places in relation to things like that but your gut feeling is telling you the right thing. Don't pay a cent towards "his" house. If he truly respected you he would never say that. The thing about the ring was just rude. I know this is horrible, but perhaps you are in a point in your relationship where you are on different tracks and you need to seriously think about going elsewhere. If marriage is what you want and its been 6.5 years it may never get there.
2006-09-03 23:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by its me! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your man is on some bs...First of all, for him to tell you that if you buy a house only his name will go on it so if you break up he can have the house...That's a bunch of mess. But it would be easier. My friend and her fiance bought a house together with both their names on it and then broke up and he had to buy out her share. It was a big hassle, but he is already making plans for stuff not to work out.
Then for him to tell you that if you guys get married that you have to buy your own ring!!! That's crazy. With this whole conversation, he is telling you something...it's just up to you to decide if you are trying to hear what he has to say or not.
I definitely think you should lose him, but since you have so much time invested in this relationship and whatnot, you probably won't, so I say definitely to not buy a house with this creep.
2006-09-03 23:24:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, in the words of Dan Savage, DTMFA! (Dump the Mother Flinker Already.)
There's a thing that used to exist in America called "chivalry." It basically means that a man should do his best to provide for his woman and defend her etc etc etc...
It's his job to provide for you. Sexist? Undoubtedly. But noble in the same way. If this is how the relationship is starting, how do you think it'll end up? F' him.
What's going to happen if you have kids? Are you still going to have to come up with half of everything? Or maybe a third because it'll be split 3 ways with the kid?
He's a loser, so go find a man that'll take care of you. I take pride in the fact that I provide for my wife, and I ask for nothing in return.
2006-09-03 23:26:52 · answer #4 · answered by The Angry Scotsman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is a loser and you should move on. If he's worried about the two of you breaking up at this point and time and being so selfish, he probably just thinks of himself in more than this situation. Get someone who's a better, more caring, compassionate, and will put you first.
2006-09-03 23:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by Lil b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the house!!! Kick him out of there NOW!!! Break up with his selfish ***. Tell him that you will find a man who will not only buy you a ring, but will gladly buy you a house in both of your names. He's a loser!
2006-09-03 23:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by nkg0515 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babyblue, I think he is screwing you several different ways. It is not fair and if he acts this way now, don't expect him to make changes after you marry. Expect more out of him and more out of yourself - sounds like you deserve better. Lay down the law and if he doesn't budge - invest your money and time into someone else.
2006-09-03 23:27:45 · answer #7 · answered by ur_ave_joe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you. I don't think that's a fair compromise. If you can't come to an agreement with him then I would just continue renting. If you do get married, I would get a pre-nuptial agreement.
2006-09-03 23:22:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy s***, he's a f***ing a**hole to tell you to buy your own ring. I would think long and hard about continuing a relationship with someone like that, but you're better off asking someone you know in real life.
2006-09-03 23:23:04 · answer #9 · answered by Señor Badass 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should wait till you get married. or put the house under both of your names
2006-09-03 23:35:42 · answer #10 · answered by GNR Sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋