Are You American?

Question

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day,

If you'll come to my funeral I'll freaking go to yours!

Are You American?

1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are leaving?

(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreeds on national television.

2. You and your pals decide to have a game of football in the park. What do you need to take?

(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
(c) Ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armor, 20 cheerleaders a marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopedic surgeons specializing in spinal injuries.

3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do?

(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died quickly
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.

4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?

(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses.
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on your head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreeds.

5. What do you have for breakfast

(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug  of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer.

6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?

(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.

7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?

(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a youth club.
(c) Take him to an armory and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.

8. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's dressing table. What do you do?

(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and sue your wife's ***.

9. There is a war in another part of the world, do you:

(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in when necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the culprits to justice
(c) Invade the country flattening all buildings, fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no matter which side they're on after all, a kill is a kill.

10. Your city has been the victim of a terrorist attack you should:

(a) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible
(b) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible and bring them to justice
(c) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible, but continue to support and fund terrorist activities abroad.

11. You're on holiday abroad, do you:

(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home
(c) Complain and whine that the country that you are visiting is nothing like home.

12. There is a popular Black leader in your country. What do you do?

(a) Welcome him with open arms
(b) Listen to what he has to say
(c) Assassinate him.

Answers...

If you answered mostly (a)'s & (b)'s then you are a normal well balanced individual...... If you answered mostly c's then sorry, you are an American.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

From; WILLYS JOKES 9/4/06 Are You American?

Answer 1

i am sad to say and kinda proud
I AM AN AMERICAN!!!!!!

Answer 2

It's a mix. It's like African-American or Japanese-American. You are one part one race and one part american, (being american doesn't mean necessarily being a legal citizen of the U.S. If both parents were born in Mexico, then the child is Mexican. A peach tree is still a peach tree whether its' planted in Texas or in China, right?) So to answer your question, when someone says they are Mexican-American, it means they are a mix of both nationalities. One parent is from Mexico and the other parent is American (in most cases, the other parent is Mexican-American as well). A slang, more technical term is chicano. BUT IT ONLY APPLIES TO MEXICANS, not puerto ricans, brazilians, columbians, etc. Just because they speak the same language doesn't mean they're the same country. (Britian isn't called America....)

Answer 3

Mostly 'A's, with a couple 'B's. And then there's # 7. The kid wants to go to college for a degree in Pyro Engineering! Well, ya know...we are still Outlaws at heart! LOL!!!
Good one Willy! Keep up the good work! ; )

Answer 4

I am an American, but I know where you are coming from. I guess due to economic and cultural globalization, we feel it is easier to dumb ourselves down a bit, instead of waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.

Answer 5

Thank goodness I'm a well balanced normal ate up individual ! Thanks for setting me straight cause I thought I was lost in deep dark depression and excessive misery! :)

Answer 6

if that really is the case, i m glad i m not a american, cuz i didn't even got 1 b

Answer 7

you Americans have way too much time on your hands.....turn off the computer and think about burning off some of that energy in the form of exercise.

Answer 8

lol....what if I answered mostly b and c's..lol...
I guess that would make me a well balanced American!!

Answer 9

Hmmm.. I still have a heart?!?

Answer 10

nope - I am British

Answer 11

I answered mostly a's and b's