OK, I need to get some sound advice. I need to know if I need to get out of this relationship. I am a 26 year old single mother and I have been dating a responsible 34 yr old man for almost three years. He sounds great to start with....he has a good job, makes good money, owns his own home, never been married, no kids, takes care of his mom....However, in the midst of all this great stuff, he also has never really hung out with my family or friends and he has never said I love you. I try to get him to hang out with friends or family and he always cannot or does not want to. I have never met his family. I would like to think tha t he cares because we actually do go out on dates, he brings me presents on my birthday, Valentine's Day, and other holidays. He always pays when we go out and he has lent me money on occasions that I have been in financial trouble. We have always had sex since day one and I am afraid that is all he stays around for. Please help! Advice please!
2006-09-03 15:25:39 · 20 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Maybe this guy is hideing something and he thinks your family/friends will figure him out.How does he respond when you tell him you love him?Could he be afraid of a serious commetment?Something is going on with this man and you need to find out what it is.I would tell him to come clean with you on all aspects or it is over.
2006-09-03 15:33:48 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eros Love is between man and woman a give and take relationship in marriage-committed format with shared responsibilities.
Obsession is about possession. Ownership relationship. Slave type or submissive type relationship usually without marriage, which is wrong. Most of the time it is an "I will not give it up” repeat" IT UP" type relationship with one-sided responsibilities Or an" I got to have her" lust relationship with no responsibilities. Usually a Selfish one-sided relationship.
First off Jessica. You had sex outside of marriage. Second there was no courting value involved.
There is an old saying." Why bye the Milk when you can have the cow for free."
I think its time to fix him down and shoot straight with him as to what you want out of the relationship with commitment . Let him know what you expect and see where it goes. If he stops seeing you then you will have your feeling confirmed. If not and he feels threaten let him know that is not what your after. If he becomes very affectionate then he is your guy and marry him.
2006-09-03 15:37:16 · answer #2 · answered by Michael JENKINS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and have a long talk with him. Tell him that you you are concerned that he doesn't like your family or friends. Ask him what you can do to make him more willing to meet them. Try to not make him defensive - don't say things like "why won't you meet my friends?"
Also ask him what he does to show that he cares for you (don't use the L-word). Chances are he'll say something like that he gets you lots of gifts, and makes love to you frequently, or maybe even he does your dishes and you didn't realize it. There are many ways to express love, and while you and I may prefer words, our partners prefer other methods and we might not even realize they're doing it. Take a look at the "love languages quiz" linked below, that might help.
Good luck, and do see if you can sit down and talk with him. Couples counselling is another thing to consider, if you're into that sort of thing, but suggesting it could backfire horribly if he's against therapy.
2006-09-03 15:34:31 · answer #3 · answered by zandyandi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some guys are shyer than others- as well as some guys dont like to be so social. If he is doing all that for you, he sounds like a great guy and just because u guys dont hang out with other people or family so much dosent mean its bad and that stuff is all he wants. try talking to him about meetinig family- start slow. dont push friends before or at the same time as family. it is very possible he is shy or nervous or not a social kind of guy. truth is, it cant hurt to talk to him openly and honestly about how u feel just try it, it will be worth it.
2006-09-03 15:43:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds a bit like he is nervous about commiting to your realtionship. Just because he is single doesn't mean that he has not been in a serious relationship before. I would say that he is less interested in you than you are in him just because he doesn't want to deal with your family. It's not as bad leaving when you don't have to leave a whole family. The sex may always be good, but that may be where it ends.
2006-09-03 15:29:35 · answer #5 · answered by Cattlemanbob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are putting more into it than he is. Emotionally you are more committed than he is and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have him hang out with you or friends/family...IT'S NORMAL...but what is not normal is him not wanting to know all sides of your life for him being in a committed relationship. He may not even know that he's guilty of this behavior...have you pointed it out to him that It's "getting on your nerves now!"
Most people rely on input from friends or family when in a relationship....(this for some reason...gives us the OK..and a second set of eyes, where love is blind) I think it would be important for you want him to mesh with people in your life. Point this out to him that it bothers you, if it doesn't change, move on.
Cause............sweetheart.........It's obviously important for you or you wouldn't mention it here.
It's important to others as well...like your MOM or your Aunt Besty if you have one....You know what I mean. Good luck honey
2006-09-03 15:34:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems that most people are just automatically assuming the worst, but what if that's not the case? is this guy an outgoing person? maybe he's just not much of a socializer and doesn't want to go associate himself with new people. personally, i hate trying to do things with the inlaws, but that doesn't make me love my wife any less. as for saying what you want to hear...... well... perhaps he's just having difficulty getting the words out. they are words i rarely say even after 10 years of marriage. the 2 things could even go together. someone who is kinda shy could be described with both of the things you are complaining about. i'm not saying that there isn't a problem there. i'm just saying that there might not be.
2006-09-03 15:42:58 · answer #7 · answered by Roger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a good guy,lots of guys don't like being a around a group of people,family or other wise.What I can't understand is why he is not saying he loves you if he cares for you.Lot's of time we get tied up in the everyday thing thats and we take things for granted,I sure hope he comes around for you.
2006-09-03 15:34:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a sugar daddy to me. Something is going on if he doesnt want to meet your family and friends and he doesnt want you to meet his. I would watch out if I were you. Something is very fishy about this guy. He must be hideing something. Maybe he is married or in a lot of trouble for something. I would get out and find someone else you are still very young. why would you want such a secret guy.
2006-09-03 15:33:07 · answer #9 · answered by JAYNE C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-06 09:14:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋