how can I talk to my 13 years old douther who does not not want to talk?

Question

My daughter only wants to read books,or play on computer, or watch T.V.
She refuses to do choirs at home, has problems with classmates and teachers and is somehow isolated from his surroundings.
When we are invited to a party, she brings book with her and keeps reading until we come back home and refuses to communicate with others.

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to make some home rules. Be consistent and use discipline if you have too. You're not doing her any favors by letting her get by with this. It will get worse if you allow it to go on. It's your call mom. You are the adult she is the child.

Answer 2

Find something that you both will like. My mom and I like to cook together. I never thought I would LIKE to cook, but it's fun and rewarding to see my brother, the food critic, take a bite of my lasagna and watch his eyes close and a great MMMM erupt from his throat.

She likes reading, no? So find a great book you can stand to read that you would allow her to read too. Jodi Picoult's book, "My Sister's Keeper", is a good one if you don't mind her reading a few dirty words. It's a good way to start conversations.

Find something she likes to do you would be willing to do, too. Fly a kite. Bake some cookies. Take a weekend trip to wherever. Sooner or later she'll have to peek up from her books!

And chores? Let me tell you about a few little inventions called allowance and grounding. Refuse to buy her any more books, but offer her $10 a week for doing X amount of chores. If she doesn't do her chores, withhold her allowance. If it goes far, take away the T.V. and the computer mouse. She's sure to do something then!

Answer 3

Share with your daughter as much as you can. DO stuff together preferably anything that she enjoys or used to enjoy. She is probably going through a depressing moment (teenage years). Be the role model that you should be. I recomend to read a book called Reviving Opehlia by Pheiper. Have the school find an intervention for her problems. Talk to school councelors and come up with a plan. Give her choices like, wash dishes and doing laundry or cut the lawn and cook a meal.

Answer 4

The fact that your daughter is isolated not only from you but from classmates and teachers suggests that this may be time for professional intervention. See if the guidance counselor at school can give you a recommendation for a psychologist or family counselor. You may also have to check with your health insurance company to see if you have to go first to a psychiatrist, which is often the case, but try to get a referral to a good counselor. It is often typical that a teenager doesn't want to talk to her parents, but this sounds like it goes beyond that. She may be suffering from depression or from social anxiety or both.

Answer 5

Sounds like a typical 13yr old. Insist she do her chores and school work, take away her TV, computer and books if she doesn't. Don't give her privileges when she misbehaves.

Tell her that you are always there to talk when she is ready but don't push that. She'll get over it, its a phase. Talk to your doctor about what to expect from this age. She doesn't sound depressed since she has an avid interest in reading, watching tv and being on the computer. But watch for it and take it up with her doctor if you suspect she is depressed.

Answer 6

You could try getting to her level. Read the book she is currently reading and talk to her about it. Sign her up for a book club, let her be comfortable and she may emerge on her own. But not engaging with anyone is a problem. Maybe she just need to find friends she happy with.

Answer 7

if she likes to read so much, write her a letter so that you can try to communicate what it is that you expect of her. if she does not respond, then give her consequences that she will have to face if she does not comply. she is only 13 years old. if she doesn't listen, you have to have consequences ready to dish out. and go through with EVERYthing that you tell her you will do if she does NOT start listening to you or doing her chores.

Also, maybe you can try to go to the school counselor so that you and she and the counselor can talk about her best interests at hand. She needs to be "shaken" awake so that she understands WHO has the upper hand. you can NOT allow for her to run your household.

Answer 8

I can give you two answers.

FIRST:
I was like that. I bring a book with me to avoid having to talk with people. It's avoidance behavior. Personally, I think you might be better off leaving your child alone and let the child come out when of her shell when she's ready.

One of the things I kind of resented when I was growing up was when my mom would make me go to her parties with her friends. I never knew what to do with myself and I'd end up just sitting around waiting to go home.

While it's true that she may not be exercising her social, she'll be better prepared being independent-minded when it's time for her to graduate from high school. When everyone goes their separate ways, people who don't have ties to high school can emerge as new people.

All the children that focus so much time on socializing are usually into their friends. During that time period while your daughter appears to be closed off, it means that her mind is highly active. She's cerebral. She's developing her thinking and in sort of an Intellectual Coccoon.

If you leave her alone, she can focus on that. All you have to do is give her some space, make sure she doesn't do drugs, and get a mental assessment from her to make sure she's not suffering from any manic depression or spending too much time wrapped in thought to where it focuses on negativity.

Just tell your daughter you love her, you're giving her space, and want her to be happy. Be honest with her and tell her that you don't understand, but you'll try to be there for her when she really needs you.

SECOND:
If you're really concerned about the Social Aspect of your daughter's life, you can implement a system to her weekly routine where her monthly or weekly allowance is tied into the amount of chores, social events, and things she wants to do.

She should at least be doing her chores and may need to show her the reason why. Sometimes children can become ungrateful or unappreciative of the roof they live under because the parents fail to show their kids how much their upkeep of daily living costs the family.

If you don't tell your children how the food they eat, the clothes you buy for them, the electricity used to heat the home they live in, and the water they use to take a shower with costs money, children will take a superior attitude as if they don't owe the parents anything.

When people don't think they owe you anything, they'll be engage in rebellious or passive-aggressive behavior. Sadly enough, children who are cerebral and spend too much time dwelling on the wrong things can have negative side effects.

In order to enforce Parental Policy, you first have to establish rules and guidelines of proper behavior that is expected.If those conditions aren't met, start removing privileges from them. They may complain about how it's unfair, no one ever said life was fair.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind because the real world isn't going to be as forgiving as you are as parents.

Child Psychology can get complicated. Managing teenagers becomes especially difficult if the parents are young mothers or young fathers who had their children early in life. It sets those young parents up for rebellious teens because the teens will look at their parents meager accomplishments and fail to see why they should take advice from the parents.

Wealthy parents run into problems managing their kids because they don't know how to say no to their children that easily recognize that their parents are financially well off. So when the parents refuse to buy the child a toy, the child throws a tantrum or gets angry.

Wealthy parents need to run their households like a Corporation where their children are like employees. Even if the "Family Corporatin" is sitting on $5 million dollars, that doesn't mean that a new employee or employee who is a terrible worker is entitled to $1 million. They should be getting paid like the same as a regular employee in a "Family Corporation" where the Network is only workt $100,000.

I don't know what your financial situation is and how your daughter perceives her lifestyle, but when it comes to Intellectual Domination, your daughter is winning out by being passive. The more she defies you by not doing her chores and refusing to listen to you, the more she succeeds empowering her to continue engaging in rebellious behavior.

It would help if you develop some structure that has some Checks and Balances.

SIMPLE SOLUTION:
If you want a Simple Solution so that your daughter doesn't grade you as being unfair, buy a 20-sided dice.

Every time your daughter asks to do something or wants something, pull out the dice:

If the number rolled is 13 or lower for her age, give her what she wants

However, add "Modifiers"
- If she fails to do take out the Trash, +1
- If she doesn't go to the parties to socialize, +1
- If she doesn't listen to what you tell her to do, +1
- If she gets bad grades, +1

In this example, if she fails to do any of that stuff, that's Number rolled +5.

So it means that if the number rolled is 9 and her number is 13, the answer is still no because 9 + Modifier of 5 = 14.

So the answer is NO.

That way, if she there's something she wants, she'll have to learn that she has to satisfy all those other criteria to keep those Modifiers off so that she'll be able to do what she wants.

It shifts some of the Accountability off of you and places it on the 20-sided Dice. To be fair, you can even have it where she's the one who rolls the dice herself so that she doesn't think the dice is rigged.

I've worked in the Psychology Field and I'm developing an advanced version of this on a PDF File. So if you're ever interested in the Specific Version that breaks down everything,

It's really impressive.

Answer 9

read what she reads and discuss the book with her. Learn about the games she plays on the computer, in other words take an active interest in what she is interested in. Make the effort and it will pay off

Answer 10

Im 13, i know what its like. We grow further away from our parents. Try spending time with her. We are sometimes annoyed by our parents if they bug us a lot. Try going on walkes with her. I enjoy that. Try talking to her teachers to find out what kinda problems she might be having. I dont know what else to say but, just dont let your relationship with her fade away.