Will someone please help me out?

Question

Give me the step by step psychology I am to use on my future 4 year old girl that is acting up in the store. I want to understand how to do what is proper and accepted, and not swat her bum for misdeeds in public like I have done my now well-behaved, 6 year old, who never acts up in the stores. Please enlighten me, so that I may see the light. Thanks. Wasn't aware a 5 year old and under could reason and respond to psychology, but I see the more enlightened parents here are hoarding the Force for themselves. Teach me the way, so that I too, may acquire the Force.

Answer 1

If you have a 6 year old who is well behaved in the store, it seems that you found an answer, why mess with success?

Answer 2

first, dont' raise your voice (this is hard)

tell her "i'll talk to you when your voice is as quiet as mine" repeat this over and over and over. If you have to - walk away. and wait so she can see you and come to you when you are ready. it is difficult to have an argument when you are both nearly whispering.

don't engage in a "why can't I" exchange. tell her you have your reasons and if she is interested in knowing them you will explain once you are home.

when she is calm and a few hours later- tell her that you didn't like her behavior and that in the future if she chooses to act in such a way your answer will always be contradictory to what she is requesting.

in the heat of the moment- dont' worry about what other people are thinking of you. you are raising your daughter and that is hard enough; the other people will be in your life for moments, don't give into her just to satisfy strangers.

you may also try repeating back to her what she wants... calmly, this tells her that you hear her and she doesn't have to keep demanding it.

don't ask her questions about the argument... just move on.

then tell her you love her... keep telling her. (this is just as much for you as it is for her and heck... for the crowd too)

and you should know this: when you are out and about- most of the people around you are parents and have had the same experience. If they are staring, it isn't necessarily that they are critical, but maybe they are looking to see if you have some tricks that they can use.
best wishes

Answer 3

Its pretty simply, no light saber required. Simply explain to your daughter that if she misbehaves in public, that she will be taken home. THEN DO IT. Take her right home. While this will be hard on your older child for a while, you need to explain that until the younger learns, that's what is going to happen.

When mine were little I applied this method. Once when they had friends staying the day with us, we all went to the grocery store. I sat them at a little table at the front of the store to wait for me (activity books provided), since I was just picking up a few things. I overheard one of my daughters tell her friends "Now behave yourself because she will take us home if you don't".

Letting kids know there are consequences to their actions and making them deal with them is the one true way.

Answer 4

oooooh looks like you've scared away the 'experts' and now your just left with me.

You are to ignore her acting up, just ignore it. If she has a hissy fit and throws herself on the floor just say, "no honey , you're not going to get the junky cereal, it's bad for you and now we are going to the next aisle, are you coming with us or are you going to stay there on the floor' ? Stay extremely calm and just move to the next aisle, YES every eye in the store will be on you but that's too bad.

Whatever the acting up is you must use the 'ignore' tactic

Answer 5

Its not how you react in the store, but how you teach them at home.

children have to learn the most basic of principals. How to communicate their feelings, and how to deal with disapointment. the good news is that by 2-3 you can start to reason with a child, to explain things to them and expect them deduct things from it.

Start at home by helping your child to learn how to communicate with you, instead of acting out physically. And also how to deal with disapointment without reacting in anger.

"honey, i cant understand you unless you use words." or "please tell mommy what you want or i cant help you" instead of listening to the fit or screaming or whining, just ingore it and explain that you will have to wait until theyre ready to discuss it with you like a big kid.

also, learning how to not be angry when disapointed is a hard concept to learn.

"i know its sad that the toy broke, but you did have fun with it, and now you can play with other toys too." or "i know you wanted to go here, but we cant, although some time we will, so we can wait until then."

You have to explain to your child whats expected of them before you ever leave the house.

"today mommy has to go to the store, that means we have to ride in the cart and act like a good girl. I expect you to be well bahaved."

and take time to point out good and bad behavior in other children.

"look at that boy who's crying, dont you feel sad for him? he doesnt know how to use words like a big kid. Iam so glad you can tell mommy things instead of screaming and crying like a little kid." or "look at how well behaved that little boy is, he is holding is mommys hand and waiting in line without fidgeting. He must be so proud. Iam so glad you know how to be as patient as that little boy."

Kids emulate eachother, and pointing out things like that really sets in their minds.

Also, learn to avoid public situations during the tired parts of the day. Children simply cannot reason or behave when theyre tierd, sick, or irritated by other outside sources. Its best not to push any punishment when i child is in a mind set like that, but to ignore the behavior and get them to bed as soon as possible.

Also, if kids know at home that "one two three" ends in a spanking EVERY TIME, or in a time out EVERY TIME, then in public they know that by "two" they better have themselves straight. And should you arive at three, leave your shopping cart where it stands, pick up your child, and head for home. or the car for a time out, but end the day there. You can survive shopping another day, but that day ends up being a day for a lesson that will result in many unbroken grocery events afterward.

A situation with a screaming out of control child is not the fault of the child, its the fault of the parent for not being consistant in teaching the child how to behave in public. The shame of peoples reactions is far more harmful to that child then the lessons learned on how to behave.

:)

Its a process.