Being controlled?

Question

I hate this... I can't do anything without my damn stepfather getting into my business... until I'm 18 (in a few months), I still have to put up with it... Whenever I use the phone, I have to take both of them to make sure no one's listening one the other line... and until I got my own computer, I couldn't do anything on the family computer without him violating my privacy.
Does anyone else have intrusive step-parents like this? How can I deal with it until I can move out? I feel trapped, and I hate it.

Answer 1

Well you should have privacy I agree. Have you ever given them any reason to mistrust you? If so, you have nothing to complain about till after you are 18. They are responsible for you and you will have to put up with it.

Answer 2

Step parents most always feel insecure for some reason. I was a step father but did not do such things to the children. Where my problem came was from the mother. She was raised rather haphazardly and had to do a lot of work when young so firmly believe the children should not have to be made to work when young. Needless to say we finally had to part. There is this something about being a step parent that will always cause problems in the family. Just the fact that one parent was not the one that helped to produce the child is enough to make many marriages break apart. Mothers especially have the idea that because the man was not the one that had sex with her to make the child he does not know anything about children. you are nearing 18 and say you are going to leave the home. I do hope you are prepared for such a move. Unless you go far enough so that your parents cant just come over when ever they want, you will not be rid of the problem. Plan carefully and make a life for yourself. Good luck to you. I am not going to tell you that you are or are not doing the right thing. That is what you have to decide.

Answer 3

Have you ever given him a reason to question your behavior and lose trust in you? If not there is really not much you can do.

1. You can sit down with him Man to Man. You must lose the attitude and any type of vulgar language and just ask as an adult, "Why do you feel the need the get into my business and be so intrusive?" If he gives you the old, "It's my house"....answer then there isn't much that you can do except start making plans to move out.

Tell him how it makes you feel when he spies on you, eaves drops, and invades your personal privacy. Be an adult try to control your emotions and ask him what agreement the 2 of you can work on together to bring about change.

Unfortunately kids sometimes end up more mature than their parents.

Answer 4

U simply have to deal with it until U move out. No matter how old U R If ur living under someone else's roof U follow their rules. Now granted, there is suppose to be a certain amount of respect given to ones privacy, but have U done anything to bring about such mistrust? If so, then U brought it on ur self. And don't be to anxious to move out, there will be a whole new set of rules to play by. U'll soon be paying ur own way and it ain't easy. Giving up a little privacy may be worth the free ride. Think about it.

Answer 5

Your a minor in another adults house. Just have to deal with it. I'm sure your not complaining to the fact that he is your mothers financial partner, helps pay bills, food, etc. He is also looking out for his WIFE's son and any decent husband would. What's your mom have to say about it. Face it, your a minor and if you screw up it falls mostly on your parents. Your almost 18 and can move out, which is what you will have to do to get the level of privacy you seek. Just turning 18 solves nothing as long as your living under their roof!

Answer 6

Have a word with your mother and explain the situation to her. Telling her that your near eighteen and an adult and need some privacy. As you said he your step-father maybe you don't have a good relationship with him? but that beside the point. I think you need to air your views and put your foot down. I don't mean have huge row or anything like that. That would be playing into your step-father hand and he have more excuse to be even more controlling. Hang on your near eighteen in few month and you could get your own place.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are dealing with this just fine (out smarting him by taking both phones) Don't let his overbearing ways stress you out.. let your smarter ways stress him out. It is probably driving him crazy that you are such a good kid. I don't know how anyone at the age of 18 moves out on their own and makes it. It seems putting up with his nonsense is actually an easier way to go, until you get an education and a good paying job.

Answer 8

I'm going to answer this as a parent of 3 children, if he is checking up on you that much then he must love you and care about you to some degree. I check my daughter's emails, websites, phone convo's, not to an extensive degree and not because I don't trust her but because I know what kind of people are in this world and I worry about them and I worry about her being taken advantage of and deceived. I know how it felt when I was 18 and I had huge arguments with my mom over curfew and what not but it wasn't until I had kids of my own that I realized that she did what did beause she loved me and wanted to protect me. Maybe you could talk to him, CALMLY, and tell him how you feel, you'd be suprised how open to this some parents can be. Best of Luck.

Answer 9

My ex was like that with my daughter from a previous marriage. Step-families continue to have problems like this arise and it is difficult to find a balance in the power-struggle. All I have learned is that the biological parent does have a say in the communication that is happening between step-parent and step-child, and should take the initiative to assert his or herself for the respect of the child. I feel for you, and pretty soon you won't have to put up with it anymore. Talk with your mom about it in a heart-to-heart if you can. Take care. :-)

Answer 10

Hang in there....18 will be here before you know it. And then the real fun starts: paying bills, rent, food, clothes, work, more work, responsibility for everything, work, more work.

Need I say more?