Why does my ex want to remain friends?

Question

I have finally come to the point of accepting that my ex, my 8 year love of my life since high school has left me. She needs to "find herself (whatever!) and do things she has never had the chance to do in our relationship. She has told me she still loves me and that just screws with my head but now she says she still wants to be my friend and be able to talk to me.

That just makes me feel like i can still be her back up plan if nothing better comes along. Am i mis reading the situation and does it sound genuine or not. Unfortunately, as much as she has hurt me a part of me is still holding on and this friends things does interest me as a means of maybe getting back together some day. Your thoughts on the meaning of this and what i should do would be great.

Answer 1

because women alway say they want the perfect man and when they finally get him they are never ready. it pisses me off to because i'm in a similar situation myself. but do whatever you feel is the best for you. if you want to remain friends and not let your feeling get hurt than go ahead, if you can handle it.

Answer 2

You should be glad that she wants to remain friends, especially if there are children involved. So many divorced couples are at eachother's throats, or never want to have anything to do with one another. From what you're telling me, it sounds as though there may be a chance at reconciliation, but don't get your hopes up too high, so you don't suffer any disappointments again.

Whether you do get back together or just remain good friends, the thing to do right now is give her the space she wants, and see if she eventually comes around. Meantime, get on with your own life and do some of the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't because you had the responsibility of married life. It works both ways. Good luck, my friend.....

Answer 3

Okay, grab a pen and paper. Make the following headings: Things Good in our Marriage, Things Bad in our marriage, Short Term Goals, Long Term Goals, Dreams and Wishes, and Feelings.

By doing this exercise, you will be able to answer your own question. You must be completely honest with your answers, even if you think they are minor faults. Because you and/or your mate may have one very big, obvious fault, but also have many small ones that you may not consider. The smaller ones can add up to one very large one before you know it.

Also, you must trust your own feelings and instincts. Long before civilization, humans have always trusted their instincts for survival. This built in mechanism is what makes us who we are and what gets us through this hectic, modern world we live in.

In your second paragraph, you have answered your own question. Obviously, you have an intuition that is very strong and it is one you can and must rely on. Denying our intuition and instinct is what gets us in trouble, including unhealthy relationships.

I would not want to be the "fall back or back up" person. This is grounds for lowering your self esteem and self worth. YOU deserve to have a happy life and you should not wait around for something that may never happen. We all have dreams and hopes that are simply just that, dreams and hopes.

You deserve somebody who has the same wants and needs in life, as well as similar goals. Good luck, and I hope this advice has helped.

Answer 4

Well in my opinion, you say you were sweethearts since high school and for 8 years later, think about it all school romances don't last eight years and a good percentage of them end up in marriage and divorce BECAUSE as she says she has to find herself, she is being 100% realistic and in stead of just dumping you and saying as most young girls do, I don't want to have-contact with for awhile so I can get my head together, she WANTS to remain friends and if you loved her as much as it seems you do, you would just step up to the plate and say OK

Answer 5

i anticipate you mean NEW better half, no longer "knew"! If somebody is safeguard in a relationship, there might desire to be no clarification for them to resent his/her better half's friendships. that's ridiculous for absolutely everyone to anticipate the only individual on planet earth of the different gender you could enjoy employer with is your self. i won't be able to communicate for the girls, yet many adult males have this tendency to be possessive of their relationships with women individuals. possibly they regard it as an offshoot of being loving, conserving, or committed; yet while it comes all the way down to it, in my opinion, that's extra possessive than something, and is a demonstration of lack of self assurance. yet you at the instant are not his possession. He would not very own you, and you could desire to have the liberty interior of a relationship to journey & persue what's maximum had to you in existence - consisting of alternative relationships. possibly he has some misconceptions approximately your friendship with your ex. perhaps he thinks issues are occurring that truly are not, or which you're doing this to make him jealous. Or, your strikes deliver the message he's not doing adequate to make you happy or is failing in one in all his roles as your boyfriend. set up a time to communicate on your bf. attempt to be certain the source of his unhappiness. Then supply him the coverage the relationship you have and want with your ex has no longer something to do with him or any mess united stateson his section. point out how important that's which you will experience depended on by ability of him and journey the liberty to enjoy relationships outdoors of what the two one in all you proportion, understanding you will proceed to be basic. Has he ever met your ex? If no longer, introduce them in an casual putting. possibly even proportion a meal or interest at the same time. with any luck he will have the potential to be certain your ex would not pose plausible on your relationship, and he will experience extra gentle with regard to the friendship you 2 have earlier too long. wish this works out. solid luck.

Answer 6

It is difficult to lose one's hopes and dreams with the breakup of a relationship. Maybe she feels sort of guilty for the past. Maybe she doesn't want you to hate her and hold things against her. It is always difficult to let go, but unless you have children together, it is best for both of you to discover new friendships.

Answer 7

You need to talk to her and tell her that it will be hard for you to just be friends after you both had a 8 year relationship.

Answer 8

She enjoys your company and wants you around as a friend. Just accept the relationship is over and be there as a friend to provide her with support.

Answer 9

She probably feels guilty about breaking up with you and doesn't want it to end bad. And she probably just wants to experience life a little bit. If it hurts too much to be her friend, just tell her.

Answer 10

If you love her that much and can handle being friends then you should, If it hurts to much then obviously you cant. It all depends on you. I think it would hurt me more not to talk to them at all but then again it would make it so much harder to move on if you stay friends.