how do I overcome fear?

Question

Theres a high school dance coming up on this friday. I really want to ask this girl to go with me, but I always get way too nervous when it comes to stuff like that. I always wimp out at the last second. How do I overcome this fear? and please don't tell me to grow some balls, suck it up, or anything like that, it doesn't help... at all

I already know this girl pretty well as a friend. Forgot to mention that.

Answer 1

you have to build confindence, I found once I asked some guyfriends out for coffee or whatever asking a guy I would like to date became a bit easier and with each yes came more confidence.

Answer 2

Give yourself a time frame that you are going to ask this girl out by. Say by the end of today I am going to do it. Tell yourself you are going to stick to this no matter what. Then you have talk yourself into doing it earlier by reason of the fact that the sooner you do it, then it is over and done with and you wont have it hanging over your head. I am afraid that the only way to get over fears like this is to face them head on. Recognise that you are going to be nervous and realise that that is not a bad thing, just a natural reaction. Then make the decision not to let it get the better of you. I hope this helps. Also remember if she does say no it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you. And by then you will have had practise at asking someone out so just try again with another nice girl.

Answer 3

You have an approach avoidance conflict. Very common. Keep thinking of all the good things that will happen if she says yes. When they give you motivation to ask, than talk to her when she's alone or give her a note should email not be handy. If she says no find girl with better taste. Best to start with someone on your level looks and class status, but you could shot high remembering it's easier to build on successes than failure.
Just look how common your fleelings are not one DOOO answer so far, That might be record.

Answer 4

You have to ask yourself what is it you really fear. From your note, it sounds like what you are afraid of is... you.

Could it be that you are afraid that her saying "no" confirms your fear that "you are not good enough"? If so, this is really the issue and has nothing to do with the girl. You need to understand that your worth (and therefore your self confidence) is not determined by what other people think of you. It is defined by what YOU think of you.

If what I'm saying makes sense so far - I would advise you to become used to getting "no" for an answer (after asking politely of course) without thinking any less of yourself.

Why don't you think of any excuse (i.e. donations for a charitable cause) and start asking people to contribute? You will see how, if you ask politely, people can say "yes" or "no" and your self worth remains intact.

The same thing with this girl. If she wants to go with you - fine, if she doesn't, that doesn't mean you are worth anything less - nothing will happen to you. This is what you need to tell yourself over and over again - you will be FINE if she says "no".

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"

Good luck!

Answer 5

I have a hard time asking boys questions too. But after I ask them I don't feel as nervous. What I do is I tell myself that I can do it and then after I do I am glad I asked. try this method and I f it doesnt work try something else. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

wel think about this! how wuld you feel if someone else ask her and ends up dancing with her for every dance? that should tell you if you like her enough you would feel bad if someone else ended up w/ her than take a deep breath and walk over 2 her! Just ask her if she'd like to go 2 the dance with you!

Answer 7

you overcome fear by facing it. Everyone fears various things but once you face them down it becomes easier each time. Just force yourself to ask and odds are you will wonder why you thought this was so hard later

Answer 8

you could try starting a conversation with "can i ask for your advise?", then work in the question about he dance. If you don't ask you will always wonder if you would have had a great time, if you would have found the love of your life, if if if if if if... sweetie, just ask her. hugs

Answer 9

She may be afraid to ask you also. Go ahead and ask her and try to always have confidence in yourself. Everybody is afraid of rejection. If she is a good friend she won't say no anyway

Answer 10

try this it's easier. Go buy this real nice card and write inside it what you need to say . She will like this and also she can keep this for years to come to remind her of the dance and the nice person(you) who she went with.