Cosmetic Surgery not really helping meet better guys?

Question

I'm 27 going on 28 and have had trouble meeting men who meet my level of standards, I'm college educated with a masters degree, I have a very good income level and for a long time I wondered why I couldn't meet the right kinds of guys.

For a while I felt like perhaps my appearence was part of the problem though my friends and family told me it wasn't. Well, I've had a few cosmetic procedures done and it's been almost a year since I've had work done and I'm not really having any better luck.

I've tried dating sites, personals, being set up by friends and nothing really works, I haven't had a "serious" relationship since I was 19 and have had numerous bad experiences meeting people. Some have said that perhaps my standards are set too high on the kinds of men I'm willing to meet (this is in part due to some bad past experiences).

Does anyone have any other suggestions on what I should do to change my approach?

It was just minor stuff involving my nose which wasn't completely straight, it wasn't SERIOUS cosmetic surgery but I had the idea in my mind that it was part of the problem.

Answer 1

All in all you are an intimidating figure to most guys. Please don't get me wrong. Let me explain this further.

Just like the way you post yourself in here, you mention that you have an intelligent background, have a good job, and you know what you want in life. All this you know you have, but you never mention your personality traits, what is it that you can offer another person. Can you offer them your kindness, your understanding, your good heart, and your ability to listen and observe?

You must try not to wear your accomplishments on your sleeve. Try just to be yourself.

Like most of us, "good" guys look for a friend who can listen, observe, caring, and understanding.

Answer 2

Nobody on here is really able to be certain about what the problem is, but there are some general rules that usually apply; so here are some thoughts:

Unless someone is really, really, unattractive (mean as this may sound) it usually isn't their appearance.

A Master's degree and decent income don't usually mean much either when it comes to meeting someone good.

High standards don't usually get in the way either. If the people who think you're standards are too high think you should settle for any-old-body who is half-way reasonable their standards are too low. If by "standards" you mean of a certain intelligence, level of integrity, level of basic attractiveness, level of ambition, and/or level of niceness; those are reasonable. If by "standards" you mean some of the smaller issues, like what religion someone is or isn't, whether they have a similiar upbringing to yours, or whether they like to play tennis; then that's expecting a level of requirements that goes beyond the basic and important ones.

It seems to me the best thing you could do is go to places (organizations, activities, classes, social events, etc.) where it is most likely someone will have something in common with you when it comes to interests and preferences and level of whatever it is that's important to you. Maybe, too, you can find a different dating site and/or sign up with a match agency that you deal with in person.

From what I can tell, there's something about a person's personality that is usually the cause of someone's having trouble meeting men. The fact that you're apparently looking for a serious relationship may be part of it. Young men your age usually aren't particularly seeking out a serious relationship (although some are), so - right off the bat - you could be scaring them away. This is the one thing I think you may need to scale back on. You may need to put away the idea of finding a serious relationship and be willing to meet and date guys for the casual date. Serious relationships grow from those casual dates.

Answer 3

Maybe it's not appearance so much as personality? Since you have such high standards on who you're willing to meet, perhaps men may find you a bit arrogant. No one wants to fill out a financial portfolio or take a quiz before they date you.

It's good to have *some* standards obviouly, but you may be limiting yourself too much. You may find that a less educated man might be a lot more fun on a date than staying home alone.

Answer 4

Well Im not saying to lower your standards but its not always about looks and what kind of job they have. Personality is important too. Just be more open to some guys b/c maybe you dont like them on first appearance but take some time to really get to know them. You may surprise yourself. And if that doesnt work I've hear there are mail-order husbands these days :) j/k

Answer 5

You only get out of an experience what you put into it!

This saying works very well with your problem as well. If your standard includes the kind of guy that is a college professor, or young professional, or doctor, or whatever...you must put yourself into situations where you will meet these men in circumstances that encourage getting to know them.

So, if a college professor is what you want, network and get yourself invited to a college faculty mixer. If you want to meet young professionals, get yourself invited to a company function. For a doctor, the same kind of thing.

You might also want to place yourself in locales that these men would frequent...like dances at Golf Clubs. Or yacht parties. Or building dedications. Or political campaigns for your party's "guiding light".

There are all sorts of possibilities, you just have to pursue them!

Answer 6

That's the worst reason for cosmetic surgery I've EVER HEARD! Life is NOT about just getting a man. The way to get a good man is to become the best woman you can be, and I don't mean physically. I am talking about enriching your mind through education and experience. Enriching your soul through learning about art and music. If you only goal in live is to "meet better guys" you are doomed from the start.

Answer 7

Yes, drop your standards a bit/ or rather eliminate them and go with your feelings. If you already know what you're perfect guy looks like before you meet him: Then you have already set yourself up for dissapointment and in a perfect world You might meet him, but we do not live in a perfect world.

It is probably your percieved arrogance that makes you unattractive to them despite your attractive exterior (and do you really want people to like you solely for that reason?, I believe the exterior attracts but what's on the inside glues you there).

Be more accepting and give everyone a chance (I don't mean become a whore and sleep with every man you see, I mean just talk to them all, be a bit more social even with the guys who don't quite meet your standars). They may possess those tiny little qualities that you're looking for that outweight their flaws and may be able to make you very happy.

I won't give you any smart *** retort or righteous speeches about your reasons for cosmetic surgery and superficiality, partly because I believe yes looks are important but you should have plastic surgery for yourself not the world, you only have one face and it takes more than to please the world, and secondly because I am seeking cosmetic surgery myself because although I have had good luck with women they have been straight forward in telling me I am a great guy but they are not physically attracted to me, because I am not particularly desirable, and frankly, I knew that from the start anyway, so have been thinking about changing my outside to match my inside.

You've made the changes you felt you needed on the outside, whatever your reasons, now take care of the inside and be an all rounder.

But back to your question, yes you need to refine your approach by opening your eyes and heart to the possibilities/ Relationships and compatibility are negotiable and cannot function if made subject to rigorous standards. Approach people with this attitude and you will find there are more great men out there than you could have imagined. They are probably scared to approach you because they feel they cannot measure up to what you expect of them (80% of communication is non-verbal, that's what signals are).

Best of luck.

Answer 8

If you're focused on external appearances, you'll attract people who like fancy fascades. But do they really love you?

Deeper than that, do you really accept yourself? You can't possibly love someone else until you do.

Answer 9

it sounds to me that you have been hurt and that happens get over it move on expect more of it and and don't turn cold because of it most importantly be who you want to be not what the world would make of you

Answer 10

it exhibits a loss of self self assurance. i do no longer think of i might desire to have a relationship with somebody that would desire to mutilate their physique like that in basic terms so adult males will turn their head. do no longer knock small breasts. some individuals like them in basic terms positive. enormous breasts distract me from admiring your eyes, hair and positive butt.