How can I get my step daughter and daughter to get along.?

Question

They dont see eye to eye. (ages are 10 and 8) My 10yr stepdaughter see my daughter as a step-sister, but my daughter doesnt see it that way. My 8 yr daughter sees everyone as ONE big family. What can I do to have both of them to get along.

Answer 1

1. Let them sleep in the same room - this will remove the "this is my room/stuff" mentality and learn that they have to share.
2. Make them do activities that they will both enjoy - Martial arts, ballet, soccer.
3. Do outside activities together (hiking, beach, surfing, walking, etc) - the more family activities you do, the more family-like they will treat each other.
4. Give the older one a responsibilty of "taking care" of the younger one - this will give her a sense of responsibility ownership and being sucessful at her duties will give her pride of caring for the younger one.
5. Finally, do volunteer activities (habitat for humanity, soup kitchen, special olympics, etc) - this will remove the focus on themselves and instead teach them how to think of others. Once you've instilled this concept to them albeit it might take a year or two, this will help them become closer.

Answer 2

Your question doesn't make sense. Where is the sibling rivalry. Your daughter sees everyone as one big family. Okay, that's it. You can't foist family relationships on children who know that their parents obviously couldn't make it as parents and so they moved on and brought more children into the picture. Your credibility with your daughter and stepdaughter is shot when they see their parent(s) changing partners. Nothing seems permanent to either child. The stepdaughter apparently makes family with anyone brought into the family. Your daughter doesn't want to risk losing a sister, so she just looks at everyone as family - for as long as it lasts. She doesn't want to get close adult relationships succeed in making their children a little frazzled around the edges.
Step back and just expect both girls to be civil, respect each other's right to privacy, etc. and get on with helping the girls gain a sense of security. Counseling thru school or local community agency - perhaps a group situation is available.
I've always wondered why it is that we expect children to "get along" with another child when we adults often can't get along with other adults. And with good reason, sometimes, right?

Answer 3

Show them that they are both important to you. Then show them something fun that only sister can be a part of. A sisters movie night, each picks a movie every other time. Make a tradition that only sister can share. Ask them if they could both only do something and no one else what would it be with in reason and let them do that. Let them start a family scrapbook together with lots of stickers and stamps. Kids that age love stuff like that. Make it a secret to be shared at Christmas with everyone else. Good luck. Don't stop trying.

Answer 4

They may never get along as well as you would like them to. However, you can get them to improve the relationship. Explain to your daughter that your stepdaughter may not be ready yet to be "one big family" and that she may need some more time to adjust. You can also explain to your stepdaughter that your daughter cares for her and wants to think of her as a sister, not stepsister. Find something that they have in common and have them focus on doing that activity together. They can have different interests and their own separate lives and still be a family. I have a "mixed" family myself with a stepsister, stepbrother, half-sister, and half-brother. We never had any problems getting along as kids...I always considered all of them to be "whole" siblings, but my mom explained that my stepbrother & stepsister had a harder time adjusting to the "one big family" because they still lived with their mom, and we had their dad living with us. To me, blood is not what makes a family, it is love that makes a family. Your stepdaughter may have a hard time with this depending on the situation you are in (does she live with you, where is the biological parent you have "replaced", how is her relationship with her parents and other family members). You may want to look for a local support group for kids who are in similar families; you can usually find something at a church, youth center, through school, or even a local hospital. Good luck, I know what a tough situation you are in.

Answer 5

YOU.. need to figure out what they have in common, and use that to bring them together. At their ages it should not be too hard, make them feel equally important. Sibling rivalry is normal and it is probably harder for step-sisters. Talk to them a lot, let them get their feelings out. It may be harder for the 10yr old because she is a little older and maybe has different expectations. Give them time and try not to push them too much. Good Luck!

Answer 6

You can't force them to see eye to eye. You just have to treat them both equally and show your step daughter that you are one big family. Take them out places together where they can bond, once they bond and really like eachother things will get a bit easier. You might also want to have your hubby talk to his daughter and tell her that she should be treating her step-sister like she would treat a full sister.

Answer 7

sister, whether brough together by birth or marriage, always fight. 2 yrs is a big spread at that age. I would suggest to both of them that they at least respect each other, each others stuff, and each others rooms. A year from now they could be just fine. Try not to become to involved in their pettiness. Girls will pull hard on daddy's heartstrings! hugs

Answer 8

You can try to talk to them, but they're young and no matter what you say they'll probably stay feeling the way they do.
You can't force someone to feel like they're a family if they don't want to.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

Put them both in a padded room for 8 hours while they're both restrained together in a double-fitted straight jacket.

Answer 10

the one that is the meanest! tell her that the doctor said that the other daughter haves 2 yrs to leave 'god 4 give' cause she haves something wrong in her blood and we should be nice cause we wont see her anymore but not to tell her cause you want her to be happy her last days! see what she does ,i no this isnt good but will work if she haves a heart!