What would you say to someone who has brought of the subject of death?

Question

A women that i just met told me how her son died 20 years ago ?
what would you say to her?i told her how my cousin who was 23
died suddenly ! what would you have said?

she started to cry !

she said that their will always be a whole in her heart ! i

Answer 1

I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 2

When it's a death that occurred that long ago, perhaps they just began to think about it for some reason. It may be close to his birthday or the anniversary of his death. She may have just felt the need to talk to someone about it. It's always good just to be a listener for a while. Provide comfort. Let her know that you're sorry for her loss. It was a good idea to share the experience you had too. It shows you had been through the loss of a loved one too and helps her feel like she's not alone. It sounds like you handled it well.

Answer 3

That I am sorry for her loss, as well I am sorry for yours, death is so final.

I had been spared the loss of people that were close to me until I lost my sister in 2003, ever since I have suffered and endured the loss of many close family members including my spouse of 35 years, I cannot believe that he is gone and I can no longer share my adventures while shopping, or share how much we love our chidren and grandchild. I will always miss him and I'm sure the woman you just met will always miss her son, as my mother in law will always miss her son.

Answer 4

I have lost 3 children in my lifetime. I think that sharing your own loss was good in that it let the woman know that you understood what she was feeling. So many times people say they understand how someone feels when they really don't. That kind of loss or any loss for that matter brings hurt that needs healing so that we can go on in life. I have shared my loss with others that are grieving and I tell them that God can comfort them as he has comforted me. At times I cry when I think about my children and at those times I turn to God to give me relief from the hurt. To answer your question I would have done what you did and shared my experience with losing someone. I then would have shared with her how I got through my grieving process.

Answer 5

Death, unfortunately, is a part of life. I would have just said "I'm sorry for your loss" even if it was 20 years ago as clearly she still remembers. Your response seems perfectly normal to me.

Answer 6

I would have been sympathetic and then tried to make a positive statement about it, following her cue. For example, if she had let me know if she was religious, I'd make a comment about Heaven. usually though, just a kind look and even holding her hand, etc. says enough. She is still in pain. Let her know she is not alone. I think you did that.

Answer 7

I feel she just needed someone to "listen". They don't really expect great words of wisdom. I worked with a man whose young daughter died 25 years ago and he still talked about it as though it was yesterday. I just listened and gave him a hug. That is about all you can do unless they ask you something specific.

Answer 8

I agree with TJMiler. That's a sensitive, and sensible, approach.
Azhdeha, I thought her question was perfectly appropriate. Good thing you're not the Answers Police.

Answer 9

Death is the equalizer of all the living, and the destination of all that live. It is sorrow, and loss, but the soul lives on; and those who have passed in this life time, will again walk under the sun.

Answer 10

I just think that she was trying to get rid of the pain by talking about it.

I don't know until the need arises, I seem to get the answer then.

Answer 11

She brought it up. She wanted someone to understand, as she still didn't. You understood. She cried because some remnants of her guilt had been assuaged. You did good.