Am I too strick with my family?

Question

I have a loving wife and 2 children, a son 13 and a daughter 16. I am an old fashioned and strict man. I believe my house rules are fair for my children. Afew examples are that the children are to tell me when and where they are going each day and must be home for dinner with the family 6:30 if they are not home they are punished and recieve no dinner. I do not tolerate back talked to and require my children to address any adult as Sir or ma'am including their parents. The daily chores are divided equally among my children and if they are not done when told they they are to stay in their room for the rest of the day. My daughter is not to wear makeup of any sort unless it is a formal occasion and is dressed as a respectable young lady should be dressed. My daughter is also not allowed to date or to be alone with boys until she is 18 years of age. The same goes for my son in the correct respects. They do not have cell phones or televisions in their rooms.please let me know your thoughts

Answer 1

no, ur being a good dad, and dont let anybody tell u different

Answer 2

In this day and age it is a hard thing to keep track of children some of your rules are a bit over the top I hear all your rules for your daughter but nothing about your son other than he is required to be home for dinner and do his chores your daughter is 16 and know matter how hard you try to protect her she is going to grow up on you. If you keep your rules as they are now I forsee her turning 18 going off to college or just moving out on her own and turning totally nuts... I suggest you allow a little more adjustment on the dating rule 1) You have made her an outcast amongst her friends at school 2) As for the boys all you are doing is making her more of a challenge Remember we all want what we can't have and this includes dating and boys. Trust me as a women who had a very strict father I still found a way the results were not prety and I could not even talk to the ones I should have(PARENTS) because of that gap or wall of fear that had been instilled in me because of the rules. You asked for honesty well honestly you need to lighten up just a bit not alot but a wee bit be involved make the boy come to the door meet him have a curfew know where and always ALWAYS let them know they need to be were they say because you can choose at any time to check on them and you can ask my daughter she will tell you I DO CHECK AND I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO CHECK 2 OR 3 TIMES DURING A DATE.

Answer 3

My dad was that strict with me and it caused me to rebel. Also, to this day I do not have a good relationship with my dad. I like that you want to know where they are. That is a good rule. However holding dinner from them is not. They are growing and NEED the nutrients they get from EVERY meal. The sir and ma'am thing is good. It is very respectful and I wish more parents would teach their children to do it. Maybe you could let your daughter wear foundation, or another kind of makeup that you can't really see but she will know it is there. She is at the age where looks are a big thing and a little bit of makeup can give her a boost of confidence. I was allowed to wear lip gloss and clear mascara. Children that young do not need cell phones and it is a bad idea to put a tv in their room because it interferes with homework and sleep.

I think you do need to lighten up a little.It is important to have a disciplined family but there is a line and I think you have crossed it. I hardly ever visit home anymore because I learned to dislike my dad when I was growing up.

Answer 4

Uh maybe your a little to strict such as if they are not home by a certain time they don't eat. Let up man. This is 2006. I'm 25 yrs old and a parent of a 7 yr old...times are different and i understand you're trying to be the best parent but some of the old school rules do not apply towards children in this day and age..they will rebel from you..you will lose a respectable relationship w/them and they will turn from you..i say let loose just a tad bit..it's okay for them not to have a tv b/c tv does make children lazy but i turned out alright lol..but if you want your children to be around, I think you need to loosen up..what does your wife say..is she a submissive wife? I'm pretty sure the children complain all the time and probably can't wait to leave home..but hopefully, you'll loosen up just a tad bit....also try communicating w/ your children allowing them some space...hopefully you all can come to some type of agreement between parents and children and hopefully things will go smoothly..good luck and lighten up!

Answer 5

thats a little to much ok first Ok yes u should know where they r going and when but if they come home past 6:30 ok say u can't go out tomorrow until 5:00 or the rest of the day butno dinner? Thats too much. Ok sir and Ma'ma are ok to others but to you and your Wife No say Mother and Father or Dad and Mom. You Son and Little girl should have a t.v. there is nothing worng with that a cellphone is ok for your son and maybe little girl at 14. Also your girl should be able to go to dinner with the family and a boy. Your son too with a girl.Make-up for days like Birthday and Christmas and others but it is ok if she wears a skirt and a shirt to the mall.

Answer 6

being a 16 year old boy I think that you are both right and wrong!
I do have a cell phone but do have to pay for my own phone and text messages (everything but the minuets). I do not have a TV in my room and do not have any type of gaming system. I am allowed to miss dinner with my family 2 times a week (except sunday). I am allowed to date but not too serious and obviously not allowed to be alone with her! I do have some chores but not a whole lot they very by my grades in school and summer time or school year. I think that they should not be punnished by not eating (I would not like that at all) and I think that may be against the law?? I think that your daughter should be allowed to wear makeup only if she doesn't look like a whore! I think that you should talk to them to see if what they should be allowed to do.

Answer 7

Just a little advice...The shorter the leash, the crazier the dog when he chews through it. A cell phone these days is a good idea so you know your children can get help if they need it. To punish a kid by not giving them dinner is cruel. Nutritional needs shouldn't be compromised to prove a point. I agree that kids should have chores. I also agree that kids should tell their parents where they are going, who they'll be with and things like that. I will suggest that kids will be more available and open to advice from a parent that "gets" them instead of one that has closed his ears to reason. Families should be democracies, not dictatorships. I am curious about two things:
1) How does your wife feel about this?
2) Are you just as strict with her?

Answer 8

Some of the rules you have established are correct and overall you are too strict and controlling. It will cause serious problems down the road and the children surely already have resentments. There is a difference between being a concerned and responsible parent and being a controlling tyrant who is out of sink with the rest of the world. Discipline without a relationship does not work. You will alienate these kids because you are living in a world that is about fifty years behind the times.

Answer 9

16 yrs ,she is ready to date. give her a curfew but dont stop her. remember at that age kids need a friend as well as a parent. if u become too much of a parent she will rebel and do something just to hurt u. blame only urself if she comes home pregnant!!!!!!!!!! kids need disipline and chores so they know their their responsiblities but as a parent our job also includes teaching them to be independent and be able to make their decisions so they know the differnce between right and wrong on their own. they canno come to u every time they have a problem when they r out of the house, dont be surprised if ur daughter goes outside ut house and puts make up and b4 she she comes homeshe removes it. she is a teenager. experimenting with makeup and hair styles is a job almost.r they in militry for them to say sir and mam. its good to have respect but to a limit. be a friend and they will let u know more abt their lives and be more obident and love and respect u from there heart not because u tell them too.

Answer 10

I imagine your relationships with your children are not very close.They probably harbor a lot of resentment towards you.I imagine that they also break your rules.I know by experience that when I was teenager that my friends with the strictest of parents were behaving the worst out of all of us.Doing things that were wrong to feel some freedom and rebel.I also noticed that the were having sex at a younger age and doing drugs more often also.The more you try to keep them in strict compliance the more they push back.You have to show some trust to them at some level.I imagine you have instilled in them the morals and expectations you expect out of them.1 big problem-you are not letting them put any of these morals into action. You are saying to them that you don't trust them.It hurts to not be trusted.I have a 16 year old boy who is driving.I know that all the qualities I tried to instill in him are there and we have open conversations about what is going on in his life.Of course he is not perfect, but he is trying to do the next right thing.When he messes up he knows he can come to me,But I also know that he keeps some stuff to himself and thats ok.He is responsible,honest and does well in school.I understand why you worry but you do have to let them make their own mistakes.I think the best learning tool has been for me to tell them that they are gonna mess up doing something their way and sure enough I will be right.I earn parent respect points.They have to make their own mistakes and when they do make their own mistakes,it sticks with them.You want to send them into the world with some street smarts.You are sheltering them to the point of harm.The need to learn how to make the good decisions before they are adults.You don't want them to rely on someone else making their decisions when they are older,THEY need to know how.If you keep up this environment they will rebel and not learn to make smart choices.It was hard for me too.I wasnt as strict but I let out the rope little by little.I would give them an opurtunity to screw up on the little things and keep my foot down on the big things,and slowly we got to the big things and he is making good choices 95% of the time.They need your love and support.Not a Corrections officer.I'm not trying to sound rude.If you show some faith in them,they will show some faith in you. God bless

Answer 11

I agree. I am 24 years old and wish my parents had been a little more strict with me. I had too much freedom and got into a lot more than I should have at a young age. I just think children need discipline and rules. They also should have respect for others. I think manners are very important. No I don't think your being too harsh. You're just raising your children to be responsible adults. Besides there's no manual for child rearing. You just do what you feel is best.