My 8 yr old son wanted his ear pierced so I got it done for him by a friend. My husband whom is deployed to Iraq said that he did not want it done "because he said so" and "its good to be king" no other reason. My son however wanted it done and is capable of taking care of it. My daughter has 3 piercings in each of her ears. My son has only one in his left ear. When he was having his ear pierced 2 other girls and 1 other 8 yr old boy were having their ears pierced so I felt that I could not give a good reason (other than dad said because I said so) personally I thought it was fine. If his best friend was having it done, what reason can I find not to let him have one. What message am I sending my son if I allow my husband to dictate everything. Am I teaching my kids that just because men say so thats the end of it? Or did I do both of my children a disservice by disrespecting their fathers request?This all makes me feel like I don't have a say so. So bottom line is did I handle this ok?
2006-09-03 07:12:53 · 17 answers · asked by GRISSIOM PURE GENIUS 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
His father made the because you said so comment while he was home for 2 weeks leave. My husband also has no true beliefs it is just what time period our kids live in versus what period we were raised in. Times have changed! I am not saying that we r super old just that we were raised with some old fashioned beliefs. There is no spirtual or religious side to his desire for not wanting his childs ear pierced either. Lastly I asked this question to see what other people thought! My husband and I are disagreeing at this time and I wanted some input so I was able to see both sides of the fence.
2006-09-03 08:19:21 · update #1
His father made the because you said so comment while he was home for 2 weeks leave. My husband also has no true beliefs it is just what time period our kids live in versus what period we were raised in. Times have changed! I am not saying that we r super old just that we were raised with some old fashioned beliefs. There is no spirtual or religious side to his desire for not wanting his childs ear pierced either. Lastly I asked this question to see what other people thought! My husband and I are disagreeing at this time and I wanted some input so I was able to see both sides of the fence.
2006-09-03 08:19:42 · update #2
No, you disrespected his father right in front of him. A more appropriate response is that his father said he does not want him too, but you will talk to his dad and make a decision together when he gets back. Explain that his father is in a stressful situation right now and that you want to show him respect, so the piercing will have to be put on hold. That shows that you and dad are a team and the divide and conquer tactics won't fly. Also, the fact that his bf got one has no bearing on your situation. I hope his best friend doesn't get interested in heroin.
2006-09-03 07:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
What the hell are you thinking letting an 8 year old boy get his ear pierced. Are you wanting to raise a wussy? Ugh! Or do you think if he's cool, you'll be cool. What is wrong with parents these days? And ya, I've raised 4 so I know what it is like to say no to something and have your kid keep bugging you.
You have an even bigger problem due to the fact that you totally went against your husband's wishes. Now, I am not saying that you should just let your husband have his way. What you should have done was wait until he gets home (and has time to adjust, and that is a long time, I know my oldest got home from Iraq 2 months ago and is still adjusting) but my point is the you and your husband need to parent together. That is hard for you right now with your husband gone but piercing an 8 year old's ear could certainly wait! Now your son will know that is Daddy says "No" he can get Mom to undermine Dad. Good luck with that.
2006-09-04 09:59:20 · answer #2 · answered by BlueSea 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you handled the situation well. It sounds like your husband can be very controlling. This is typical of a number of people that serve in the military, as well as law enforcement. Don't allow yourself to be controlled, or for your children to be. Parenting should be a democracy, not a dictatorship. When the best reason you can come up with is "because I said so" and "it's good to be king" that just doesn't stick.
2006-09-03 07:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did just fine. Everything in marriage has to be a compromise if there are two opposing views. Since he did not give good reason to his view or was he open to futher discussion, I think you were right in using your own judgement. As long as you explain to your son that because you thought his father did not have a good reason to let him get his ear pierced you went ahead and let him because you thought it was okay. This way he knows that no matter what there will be some sort of control in situations and he won't disregard what either of you say.
2006-09-03 07:18:39 · answer #4 · answered by Rx 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An eight-year-old boy is still learning about life. By giving in to his request, you're showing him that he gets what he wants from you.
The father isn't dictating everything. He's saying no because of his beliefs. Not only did you show that the father's opinion doesn't matter, but that by not having the father discuss the issue with the son, that it's ok to do things behind the dad's back.
You screwed up. Bottom line.
2006-09-03 07:20:29 · answer #5 · answered by Jim I 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You did the right thing the son should have his ear pierced Dad has no say so it is just a stage he is going through anyway and if he does not like it it can always grow back.
2006-09-03 07:22:20 · answer #6 · answered by Carol W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you did fine. you are also his parent and should have equal say in everything. your husband will be upset but he will also get over it. i see know reason why any child should be told no because i said so. if he was dead set against it he should have given a better reason. tell him that when you tell him about taking your son to get his ear pierced. tell him you have the right to make dicisions too and if he really didn't want him to get his ear pierced he should have given a better reason.
2006-09-03 07:22:01 · answer #7 · answered by storm_magus3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wouldn't be asking this question if you were confident that you made the right decision. Your husbands in Iraq risking his life and you disregard his wishes. What do you think is the answer?
You could take authority and let it grow back and tell your husband your sorry or not. It's up to you.
2006-09-03 07:34:20 · answer #8 · answered by yourdayscoming 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you did fine. Whatever men say is not the end of question! You needed to teach your boy that you had control too! I'm proud of you! But just make sure he pierced the right ear. You don't wanna make him look gay. lol.
2006-09-03 07:22:08 · answer #9 · answered by Kirsti 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are suppose to obey. You did it well. Point to note : Imagine if you can't handle an 8-year old, how can you control your kids before they turn 18 and face the world ? Its time to teach them whilst they are still young.
2006-09-03 07:20:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋