Im having trouble at home with my family?

Question

Im 14 and iv had problems with my mum for years we just clash and dont really get on we have tryed but everything i d ring or not her way she go up the wall and out into space. I was really close to my dad but recently his parents came to stay for a minth and things started going downhill my sister started getting all the attention and i was all on my own. Even my grandparents prefere her. i dont know if its cuz she younger but all of this is getting me dwon i sometimes cry myself to sleep its getting really bad and i have tryed speaking to my friends but the dont really know what to do has someone got any advice. xxx

i have tryed to tell them they listen but dont do anything about it iv done this several times.

Thankyou for all your posts i really appreciate it x

Answer 1

I understand you. I went through something similar.
Write them a letter about how you feel. What you find is wrong with this situation.
Don't forget that being 14 is not easy to start with. I am sure things will come back to normal. It's a phase you guys (you and your family) are going through.

Learn to communicate your feelings and problems. It's very important to keep good relationships with people around. Don't worry, it will get better, I promise.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Calm down. While it may seem like the end of the world, it's not. Try to get hold of yourself. Start thinking about everything that has happened in the past month or so that has helped to change things in your house.

1. You and your mom don't get along, and never have. Figure out why. Are you disobeying her? Do you talk back when she tells you to do something? Does she have to nag to get you to clean your room? You need to have a one on one talk with her. Nobody else should be involved or around for this conversation. Ask her what you do, or don't do, that makes her so mad. Ask what you can do to make things better. Then make your own suggestions about what she could do to be more supportive of you. Tell her how left out you are feeling right now. Be reasonable, she is the mom, you are the child. You should be following her rules as long as you are in the house.

2. Talk to your dad one on one. Do the same with him as your mom. Tell him how you feel. Ask what you can do to make things better. Suggest some things that you would like to see happen.

If talking to your parents individually doesn't help, then suggest family counseling. The teenage years are hard enough without having to feel like you are unloved, unwanted, or that your sister is the favorite. You should be talking to your family, not your friends. They can't help the situation, they don't live there. Communication is always the key to a good relationship. Family, friends, romantic, it doesn't matter. You have to be the one to step up and take responsibility. Initate the conversation, stay clam, don't loose your temper, and try your best to be as mature as possible.

Answer 3

Hi there,

I understand what you mean. I tried my best to get along with my mom. I grew up with 3 brothers and me being the only girl, you'd think I'd get along with her great. Wrong. We would fight and butt heads often. Even to this day I tried to make things work, but eventually you determine whether or not trying to build a relationship is worth that trouble/heartache. I'm 25 now and all that happened was burning bridges.

In your case, you're a lot younger than I am. Usually the younger siblings get the attention. Have you tried to voice your concerns with your grandparents, and letting them know how you feel? Grandparents are usually unbiased and will listen if your mom won't.

The best way to get your point across is to have them all sit down, and express how you feel without them cutting you off/interrupting you. It may be hard to get the courage to let them know, but sometimes they need to know...even if the truth will hurt them.

Don't keep things bottled up inside dear. Keep a journal to help release the stress, talk to friends, blog about it, but don't keep it all inside because one day you just might explode. I too have done my fair share of crying. It's good to cry once and a while, but not if you keep everything you feel bottled up.

I hope this bit of my 2 cents is somewhat useful. I'm not an expert on these things, but this is how I dealt with my mom. Things will get better with time. You hang in there.


Take care,
Karen

Answer 4

14 is a terrible age it is as if some one just got hold of all your emotions and hormones put them in a bag shook them about then threw them all up in the air, you just do not know where you are from one moment to the next, if you have tried speaking to them but have not been able to get through to them,, then the best thing you can do is to put down how you feel on paper, write them all a letter, explain how you feel, how they sometimes make you feel, how you would like things to be better and happier for all of the family and what you think you can contribute to make this happen. it is very easy not to be heard when there is a lot going on in a family but it is virtually impossible to not see what is happening when you read it in a letter. so give it a try and you may find that people are only to happy to listen and help you.

Answer 5

Why dont you try ringing childline and speaking to someone who is used to talking to people of your age. They will give you sound advice and try to help you. In the meantime, stop thinking that eveyone prefers your sister. Try and be nice to your family and you will probably find that they will be nice to you. Do things around the house for your mum, keep your room tidy, make her a cup of tea now and again, without being asked. Fourteen is a difficult age, you arent a child and you're not quite grown up. You could even try sitting down with your mum and asking her what you can do to make things better between you. Tell her you love her and only want to make things better. Good luck.

Answer 6

it's hard when you're your age, b/c hormones make everything seem worse than it is, and it's hard to realize someday you'll be far away from it all, and it won't matter or hurt so much.
Do your part to keep the relationship calm. Don't yell or scream; speak calmly about stuff. Never use name calling. If you are comfortable writing, write out or journal how you feel about it all, without blaming anyone. if you are comfortable, you could share this with your mom. and/or try talking calmly with her about it. explain that you want to have a good relationship, but you aren't sure what is going wrong.
also, if your friends don't know, try talking to a guidance counselor about it. or your family doctor, minister, etc. there are even teen counseling lines you can call, where people are glad to listen and try to help you out. I know you feel alone sometimes when stuff goes wrong, but you're not. Your parents probably love you as much as your sister, and may not even realize they seem to prefer her. Same with your grandparents, I'm sure.
good luck!

Answer 7

i was the same when i was young. my mum just work all the time,they divorce so i was with my mum but she never home so i end up at my granny, and she hate my dad so she hate me too!never can answer my mum back or she beat me up, sound like she abused me but now i grown up and have children of my own,i do know now she care for me,its just someone different to anyone and some people control their temper better than the other. just try to be happy,dont let it bother you so much, like have fun at school with friend,try not to row with ur mum,it help.
and i was close to my dad too but he have new wife and a son so i was left out-just not only feel it-its the fact that he only concetrate on his new family. but hey, i was married at 18 and happy that i have my own family to taking care of so, you;ll be like that soon, dont worry too much! you still young so enjoy it!xx all the best sweetie....

Answer 8

see i had the same problem what i did i stayed 2 my self or hanged out with my friends 4 about 2 or 3 weeks into things cooled down and thin i went and got something really nice 4 my mom and dad and that made them really happy maybe u can try try it it mite worke

Answer 9

You poor thing! I hate arguing with my family, and it sounds like you're having a really tough time. Don't worry though, it happens to all of us sometimes.

Frankly, I think it's best to ignore them all. Shut them out. Just leave them to themselves for a few months, and in the meantime keep yourself busy. If nothing gets better you should talk to them and tell them how you feel, and if nothing else works, you can always blow up in their faces and blame it on hormones.

Answer 10

sweetie don't be all down. Jesus Loves You. He has provided you with your parents, and your grandparents. Don't begin living your life closed up wihtout communicating with your family, talk to them, with love and respect from your heart. Keep in mind that you and your sister are 2 different individuals, but share the same amount of love, both with different personalities and needs. We all have needs that need to be met, in different areas in life, but when they are needing more attention and feeling left out @ home, a great way to replace the emotion with a positive one is to get involved with activities that they are involved in, you will grow closer to them, and get attention @ the same time. Show your interest in them, and they will more than likely show their intrest in you.kinda like do onto other as you would have them do unto you.I pray this helps , i really do.