I met both guys around the same time a year ago. (Later I found out they knew each other from highschool but weren't friends) I had been steady friends w/ them...until a month ago.. I knew that guy #1 liked me to be his gf,but at the time I wasn't ready for a relationship. Guy #2 liked me & I liked him but he wasn't ready for a relationship because he was going through some hard times..an addiction. I knew he needed help so I stuck by his side because I really cared for him & wanted him to get better. We grew closer & 6 months after later we had sex, but didn't emphasize that we were bf/gf. We just got caught up in the moment. Anyway, he got moody sometimes because of his problem, so I started hanging w/guy #1 again. Well the same thing happened..& 1 night I called both of them, & to my shock they were hanging out together! I was caught, but again I was never bf/gf w/either of them. So to get guy#2 back I kinda talked bad about guy#1 to guy#2. But I like them both, so what should I do?
2006-09-03 05:47:08 · 13 answers · asked by feisty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What do you think they think of everything that happened? I don't want them to hate me, but geez like I said I wasn't officially bf/gf with them.
2006-09-03 05:48:05 · update #1
Yes I know alot of guys, but I still want to be friends with these 2.
2006-09-03 05:54:00 · update #2
What you do with both of these men is your own business and since you have no official attachment any unspoken assumptions they make about your relationship with them doesn't count.
As the female, you have the luxury of being able to choose. Some would call it leading guys on, but I don't think so. Since when did you have to be accountable to every guy you're with, how you spend your time with them, and whether you have or haven't had sex with them.
As you well know, having sexual relations with them complicates matters because most people aren't mature enough to separate sex and love. They treat them as one in the same and that's where you can get feelings of jealousy. Sex is a physical and the act of giving pleasure to someone in a way that is intimate can sometimes become a turf war for males.
The most important thing is that you decide for yourself what you want out of those relationships and stick to them. If you want them both as friends, then keep them as friends. If there are future sexual encounters with either of them, it should remain discreet if they ask you. If they share that information between themselves, that's their business and any harbored feelings of resentment, suspicion, and jealousy is something that they bring upon themselves.
I don't think there's anything wrong with being caught up in the moment. That's what life is about. You made a wise decision in distancing yourself from the individual who had an addiction.
It seems that you also developed the Florence Nightengale Syndrome with Guy #2 where you were helping him or being his "nurse" and bond that you shared caring for him resulted in the development of such feelings.
My main concern with any relationship with the guy who has the addiction is whether he will revert back to his condition. If you end up getting deeply involved with him, that could put you in a position of having to play nurse to him again. While there's nothing wrong with that, it's nice being with someone who has kicked the habit.
I don't know if talking badly about Guy #1 to get Guy #2 was really necessary. If that's a reflection of what you must do to soothe or pacify Guy #2, that could end up coming back on you in the end. Once again, it hints that maybe Guy #2 may be a "High Maintenance Friend."
It doesn't reflect well if you have to maintain a friendship with someone by badtalking someone else. Are you sure that guy is worth maintaining a friendship with? His Addiction is already one strike against them. There should be certain limits you place on what you'll do to keep a friendship as well as having a way of measuring the quality of that friendship.
You may also want to figure out what your definition of "like" is. You said that you wanted Guy #1 liked you, but you weren't ready for a relationship. However, you tilted things in the Guy #2's favor even though he's the one with the Addiction.
From a general standpoint, it looks like you lean more toward Guy #2 who has that Bad Boy Quality and you chose to maintain your relationship with the Bad Boy #2 by speaking ill about Guy #1 who was interested in you.
You may want to examine what draws you to certain personality types. Are you the "Fix-It" Type where that need to nurture or help Guy #2 as a "wounded animal" stirred yoru compassion? What is it that draws you to Guy #2? Will Guy #1 ever find out that you dissed him to maintain your friendship with Guy #2.
In the whole balance of things, it seems like your feelings toward Guy #1 are Luke Warm but your feelings for Guy #2 run much stronger. However, because Guy #2 is beset with problems, that makes him "less attractive," which in turns lowers his "attractive rating" so that he's in par with Guy #1.
Then we come back to your previous question I answered where you're talking about the types of girlfriends you have hating on you because you're pretty.
It sounds to me like you may need some stability when it comes to friendship and some good friends to lean on. However, beauty tends to be a curse as well making most guys who would normally be good confidantes poor candidates because they're physically attracted to you and girlfriends poor confidantes because they're insecure about being less attractive than you.
That's how you end up floating with no real friends with exception to guys. However, we come back to "When Harry Met Sally" where Harry Burns (Bill Crystal) says that "Men and Women can never be friends because the Men want to have sex with the Woman."
That sounds like the rut you're stuck in.
2006-09-03 19:01:19 · answer #1 · answered by "IRonIC" by Alanis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a choice that will make you happy, without hurting anyone of them! If you genuinely love both, be with both. Live your life the way you like. Don't look at what the society might say. The most important thing in life is to be happy, so do things that makes you happy. But b sure that while doing things for your happiness, you aren't hurting or taking anyone's happiness away!
Be a good girl
2006-09-03 12:54:37 · answer #2 · answered by Goldenheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is who do u like better? Are any of them ur "type"? My answer would be who do u like better? Who is more into u? And who likes you for what you are not just because of your looks?You chances would better off be don't date either one of them. R u sure you like them that much that your willing to spend time together. I'm guessing they both r ur friends. Have you ever thought about what guy#1 guy will do when he sees you with guy #2? think about do you want to reck you friendship with them?
2006-09-03 12:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by Vanessa~Yeah!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all like most girls you like the bad boy with the problem that needs to be fixed. Which is a problem in itself and i think he should be dumped anyway. I know nothing of either of these peopel but i would say to be honest if you are gonna be with either person take guy 1 but honestly i would dump them both and start fresh with a clean slate.
2006-09-03 12:58:08 · answer #4 · answered by Chass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get with either one you like more, but don't make the mistake of doing anymore trash talking because it will only make you look bad! Plus if there friends then #2 will tell #1 and they'll just make fun of you, and talk behind your back. Choose wisely.
2006-09-03 12:53:14 · answer #5 · answered by bluegenie41 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, maybe you need to take a break from them. You need to decide what you want before you hurt both of them and lose them forever. Cootos for sticking and helping guy number 2
2006-09-03 16:12:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good u better wait 4 some time- keep both guys
2006-09-03 12:51:57 · answer #7 · answered by smartcamal1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that you should choose either. Being with someone with addiction problems can be very hard from what I understand.
Is there a guy #3?
2006-09-03 12:50:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think neither of them will go out with you know.due to emotional pain.
2006-09-03 12:50:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. isn't that something....
make the best of friends with these guys. don't be in a hurry to know which one you should choose. you'll get there... you'll know when you're ready.
follow your heart.
2006-09-03 13:03:10 · answer #10 · answered by di_ako_guapo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋