Long Distance Relationship involving a baby?

Question

Right, stay with me on this one!
My partners family all live in Essex, we live in the SW. We have a 10 month old daughter and every month he takes her up to stay with his family for 4 days. He works in London and his mother looks after our baby during the day, she is 65 and has given me cause for concern. Do you think a lady of 65 is capable of looking after such a young child? I once nearly caught her putting our baby in a boiling hot bath, she said it was an honest mistake but what if there are more "mistakes" that she doesn't tell me about? I hate letting her go up there, the mother hates her town and says she's frightened to go out sometimes so why take my child out? From here I am powerless to stop anything from happening. I don't know what to do as it'll come between my partner and I soon.

I don't go up with him as I cannon stand his family. He leaves every Sunday and works in London then comes back Tuesdays then works from home. He does this every week.

Answer 1

If your feeling worried u should go with ur child no matter ur feelings towards the family because your child health is more important then a dislike you have for people,

Answer 2

You should seriously reconcider leaving your baby with a personwho could have burned your child. It is insane to continue to use this person for babysitting. as a parent your prime concern should be the wellfare of your child and if you just keep taking her to her grandmas and leaving her there you are being a bad mother. I would suggest finding an alternative person to watch her and just bringing the baby to see her when you will be there at all times.

Now to let you know why i say this... I am a mother of a 4 month old baby girl. My husband is a Marine who is deployed in Iraq and has been since Feb 2006 and i am hoping with return home this coming february. I am lucky to have a mother who is healthy and willing to help watch my daughter when I need her to. Now my mother inlaw was never the greatest mother and i only take the baby to her when I will be around, I never leave my child unattened with her. So I can understand where you are coming from. But as a mother we need to watch our kids closely. I hope this works out well for you.

Answer 3

I think being 65 is no the issue, as it depends on how well or active some one is.. the point is, there seems to be cause for concern... I would reduce the visits, or just go for a couple days at the weekend... not sure I would want my child to go away in the week..? do you work or drive? could you not go up just for a short weekend visit? take the baby then return home with her while hubby goes off to London to work?

Answer 4

i think your very trusting to allow ur child out of ur sight 4 a number of days especially at a very young age doesnt sound like the father wants full responsibilty if he is allowing his mother 2 be the minder whilst he is working why not come 2 some other arrangements after all ur the childs mother im from essex and some parts are rough but it doesnt matter where u live all have there good and bad good luck with this think it through doesnt matter what the father wants should be at your decresion

Answer 5

You need to sit down with your partner and voice your concerns,its better to do it now before there is an accident.Explain to him that it`s your child's welfare that's the issue and that his mum has already admitted the area in which she lives in is not safe.It is questionable if a lady of 65 is capable of looking after a baby...but then again she might be capable of this.Don`t let this come between you both act now before there are honest mistakes are made...........Good luck.

Answer 6

well you may go too and keep take care of your baby...there's no reason that your average 65 year old can't take care of a baby, but if you don't feel you can trust his mother then the pair of you need to come to an arrangement.....
is he always working when he goes to see them? seems to defeat the purpose of visiting his family if he's just using them as a childminding service while he's at work....
if you can't both go then why can he not just go for the weekend and HE takes charge if HIS baby and gets to properly visit his family too....handling how you say this has got to be delicate though...
don't ever go between him and his family but try and get him to see that it must be tiring for him, his daughter and his mother if he spends this visiting time working ...
.the change to him being in charge is not then a criticism of his mother but put as being a way of spending more time with them... good luck

Answer 7

i totally understand and if you think your child has a possibility of getting hurt then as a mother you would be worried! for your mother in law.. essex is not that bad! ( i liv in essex!) the babies father side of the family has a right to see his child but maybe they could come up and visit you in the SW!?

Answer 8

You need to put your baby first, if it causes trouble between you and the baby's father then so be it, ask yourself this question

'if something happened to the child while your partner and your child where down in London and you could have prevented, but you didn't for fear of causing trouble could you forgive yourself?'

I know I couldn't.

Answer 9

I understand your worry.

I am living something similar with my own mother. Now, I make sure my children are not alone with her. She is a good and caring person but she acts differently I would.

If you are worried for your daughter's security, I think you should definitely talk to your partner about it.

May be you can find a daycare for your daughter in Essex.

You should definitely have a serious discussion about it. We are talking about your daughter's life here.

Good luck.

Answer 10

your child's health and well being are foremost. have a serious discussion with her father, who should be concerned as well. it NEEDS to come between your partner and you....this is your child!