Should we have a Catholic wedding just to please family?

Question

My girlfriend and I are both from Catholic families but neither of us practice or are religious at all.

When we get married we would like a civil ceremony but no one in either of our families have ever got married anywhere other than a Catholic church. Should we get married in the church just to keep everyone happy? Its not what either of us want and would be pretending, but we dont want to upset our families.

I like the idea of having a Catholic wedding outside or in a castle, however the church does not! Catholic weddings MUST take place in a church and MUST be conducted by a Priest. We would also be required to promise to bring any children we have up Catholic.

We are paying for almost everything-not parents.

Answer 1

I think it would be a bad idea to start out your married life by doing what your parents and other family members want you to do, rather than doing what you are your wife-to-be feel is best for you. It would be setting a very bad precedent, and they would expect you to subsume your wishes to theirs in future matters as well.

You need to firmly but lovingly tell them what you've told us here, that it's not what you or your fiance want, that you'd prefer a simple civil ceremony, and that you hope that they will be there at your civil ceremony to share in this very important day in your lives.

Good luck! And congrats on your upcoming marriage!

Answer 2

Your families are upset because they know a civil union is nothing more than a legal proceeding to satisfy the government for tax purposes.

The union of a man and a woman was not meant to be a mere legal proceeding. It is a Sacred union bound by God, not some civil law.

God's Law transcends all earthly law. That's why a civil union means nothing to a Catholic. You and your girlfriend will live and bear children in sin. Even if society doesn't have a problem with this, it's still a problem because God does not approve of living in sin.

Even if you do get married in a Catholic Church, what exactly is it you will be "pretending" there that you will not also be pretending in a court house? A marriage in a Catholic Church is real. The only pretend marriages come from Justices of the Peace.

The Church feels, as proper Catholics do, a Church is the perfect place to conduct the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony. Why have it anywhere else? Perhaps you could compromise by having your wedding photos taken outside or in a castle? Oh yes, only a priest can preside over the marriage ceremony. And yes, any children you have will be taught the Catholic Faith.

If this is too much to ask of you and your girlfriend, perhaps you're not ready to be married, for real. It might do you well to learn why the Catholic Church is so adament about the issues you've raised here. The Catechism of the Catholic Church will explain why things are the way they are in the Church.

Answer 3

WELL... now for the truth of it all. If you get married in a Catholic ceremoney ie with a priest then it is binding under Catholic law. however, if you have a civil ceremony i is not recognised as a marriage by the Catholic Church. So if you have children have you discussed what religion they might be brought up with as in get baptized etc. This would have a bearing. Also if for any reason way down the line the marriage broke up then within the eyes of the Catholic Church it would be easy enough to remarry because the civil ceremony not considered as the sacrament ofmarriage. So all in all maybe talk it through with each other and ask advice from a priest or other if need be for it would involve more than just pleasing the family. Best to please yourselves at the end of the day with all the facts in hand.

Answer 4

I like what everyone here is saying. No, you shouldn't get married in a Catholic church, if you are not religious and don't plan on being religious. Your wedding would be a total lie. I have seen it happen so many times in the past. The girl wants a big church wedding cause the church is so beautiful, and she can have it decorated with this and that, and everything will be wonderful. And because that is what her parents want. Don't do it! Have a wedding that is about you and your fiancee, its your day have it the way you want it. Your family will understand.

Congratulations!!

Answer 5

No you should not. If you have no religious beliefs, you should not play out a farce and get married in a church. You wouldn't make it past the pre-marital counselling and the agreement to raise your children Catholic. Obviously your families must know that you are not practicing Catholics, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to them. They may be really, really disappointed that you didn't accept the Sacraments as you were taught, but you are going your own way. You know it's going to upset the families anyway, but don't make a mockery out of a religion to appease someone else. Tell them what you want, since you are paying for it anyway that part shouldn't matter. They'll get over it.

Answer 6

Why not find someone that will perform some of the rites associated with the Catholic religion? You could have a special Catholic reading, communion or something else that pleases you and would help suffice the family concerns.

The Church will probably not recognize the marriage, which doesn't seem to bother you, but it will be LEGAL.

A civil ceremony can be just as "religious" as you want it to be, along with it being heartfelt, meaningful & solemn.


Ps. write to me & tell me where you're located. I'll send you to a couple places that can do the ceremony you'd like.

Answer 7

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a Catholic wedding just to please your family. If it matters more to them than you, why not?

As far as the promising to raise your children Catholic...are you 100% sure? Plenty of Catholics don't go to church. If you think you'll be ok teaching your kids about Christmas and Easter, that is enough.

Also -- I know every church is different, but my cousin got a priest to officiate her outdoor wedding about 8 years ago. I know it is really uncommon, but you could ask around and maybe find a priest who would marry you outside a church.

I was married in a church bc we wanted to, but we are really not that into all the details of our religion (we are protestant) But when my daughter was born, we had a baptism at my parent's church bc it meant sooooo much to them, although very little to us.

Answer 8

Hi. One word: compromise. That's what marriage is all about anyway, so you might as well start practising. Claim this ceremony. It is for the two of you, and no one else. But, be flexible. Not all church weddings have to take place in a Hallmark card. Be creative. Talk about the possibilities (outside, at home, on a festive cruise). And lighten up! You don't want to start your life together feeling upset. It is smart to keep things balanced with the families. They will thank you later, believe me. But exercise a little maturity by being adult about this and innovative because you are who you are.

Answer 9

Since a church marriage is a sort of spiritual contract, promising God to raise the children produced from your union within the Church (for a Catholic ceremony), and you have no intention of doing so, I would say that you should go ahead and have a civil ceremony. Being dishonest in an agreement with God just to please your family members isn't really a good idea.

Answer 10

It is your wedding and the celebration of your love. Do what makes you relaxed and happy. In the whole sceme of life, it really doesn't matter where you get married as long as love and commitment are present. If your family gets upset that the ceremony wasn't in a Catholic church, then too bad. Your family will get over it in time.