Black tie vs. black tie optional for a wedding. What's better?

Question

My niece is getting married and really wants everyone to look fancy. She has been getting some heat about dicatating black tie. She wants to do the right thing. What do you think?

My niece is having a Saturday night wedding at a hotel in a major city. She wants to have a black-tie wedding but she's getting some heat on this. Some people think that she shouldn't dictate what people where when it requires people to spend more money than they already are spending.

Answer 1

Your niece sounds like she is trying hard to balance her vision of the wedding of her dreams with the reality of "people being themselves". People are unpredictable and therefore may need prodding in this case. Those who are close to her will be less likely to disappoint her. Those that don't know her well are the ones who will disappoint. My suggestions are as follows:
1. Get the tom toms beating with word of the formality of the affair, especially to friends of likely "offenders". 2. Offer to go shopping with the Aunts who may have bad taste. 4. Send sale ads for inexpensive tuxedo sales to those college buddies of both bride and groom who forget that they're grown up now. 5. Explain that the wedding will not be marred by a few items of clothing that are not to her taste. 6. She could of course not invite likely "offenders"- but that would be unforgivably shallow. 7. Explain that she could seriously offensive by being too insensitive about her concerns. 8. Tell her that you can dress some people up, but you can't take them anywhere. 9. Try to explain that nobody appreciates a 'bridezilla". 10. Remind her that the small less substantive things fade from our memories over time. 11. Ask her to ask herself what she really wants to remember from her wedding day.

Answer 2

Black tie optional would probably be enough of a hint to get people to dress up. She could also spread the word through the bridal party and close family. Most people will dress up for wedding anyway. Just make sure all the guests realize how fancy the location is and that the wedding is very formal.

Answer 3

I would say to make it black tie optional because it is expensive to find a tux/black tie dress (ball gown), however everyone will still be very fancy in black formal suits and formal dresses. Has she really looked at the differences? Can she see all of her female guests in formal ball gowns-- these are not prom dresses or what you wear to the opera or even what stars wear on the red carpet, but strapless or long sleeve gowns that they would really never wear again. They cost about $300 each. If she wants to impose that on her guests, she can, but she better be prepared that not all will dress accordingly or will come.

See: http://www.lhj.com/lhj/story.jhtml?storyid=/templatedata/lhj/story/data/PartyDressCodes_10232003.xml
(please note, in major cities black tie is more formal than this. For weddings it means a long, dark dress. Does she really want people wearing black to her wedding?)

Answer 4

Here's an explanation that people should follow. I think if your niece wants everyone fancy then she should. But rather than cause a bigger stink that what's being done, I'd opt for 'Black-tie Optional'. Most women have a least one dress and a man, one suit, they can wear.

http://www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetPath=/templates/Articles/NonContentSet/Guests/article_1152.vm

Answer 5

Even if you say "black tie", a fair number of people will dress down -- suits, or whatnot. If you add "optional" even more people will dress down (and further). I'd suggest that you call it for black tie, and if folks inquire, tell them that most people are wearing tuxes, but a few will inevitably wear dark suits. Then, they'll wear what they're comfortable in.

Good luck!

Answer 6

you can be dressy appropriately without black tie also depends on the scene of the wedding if its outside black tie optional is in order.