helppppppppp?

Question

I want to move back to Iowa, hubby likes NC,a nd i hate it here, i have tried everything to convince him to go back, but he refuses every time, i have with held sex, moved out of our bdrm, cried, whined, nothing it working. I am almost ready to divorce him cause of this

Answer 1

To make it brief, seems to me you have hidden reasons of your own that makes you want so badly to move back to Iowa.
Consider the advice from two helping friends out here: 1) a_sexualasianangel, 2) Fun Lovin Girl.
Anyway, honestly I don't think you will accept the advices posted here, cos, to me your mind is set.
You're living your own life, you make your own choice hope you won't regret later.

Answer 2

I don't think crying, whining, withholding sex, etc. is the way to go. You are acting like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum, and any good parent knows you don't give in to that; you don't reward the bad behavior by giving in to what the tantrum-thrower wants. So, from that perspective, I don't blame your husband for saying no to you.

What you need to do is have a *rational* conversation with him. Both of you need to discuss the pluses and minuses of living in NC vs. Iowa, then make a joint decision as to where is the best place to live. What is it you feel is lacking in NC that you will have fulfilled in Iowa? Is there some way you can make it happen in NC?

Without more info on your situation, it's hard to help further. But, with the info you did provide, it seems like you're not really going about it the right way if you want to move back home.

Good luck.

Answer 3

WHY is it that you're so determined to move to IA? What is wrong with NC? How long have you lived there and have you really given the new environment a chance? If you can HONESTLY answer yes, then you have a valid reason for wanting to leave. However, if your husband has a good paying job doing something he loves that allows him to support you in the way that you enjoy and it is known that he cannot get a similar position in IA, then I think you may need to consider putting your big-girl panties on and dealing with it.

The fact of the matter is, EVERY marriage is a work in progress and every marriage requires compromise. If you think there is any help for your marriage, you should seriously consider getting you and your husband into counseling. You two need to find a happy medium.

Frankly, your approach is exceedingly childish. You are in essence, throwing an adult-sized tantrum over whether or not you can get your own way. Withholding sex, moving out of the shared bedroom, etc are just your ways of trying to make his life miserable and get what you want regardless of the right or wrong of it.

You need to make a list of all the pros and cons of living in both states and approach a discussion on the matter in a controlled, non-hysterical way.

If you continue to antagonize your husband, all he's going to do is continue to dig in his heals and make the situation unbearable for you both.

Get counseling, discuss this matter in an adult fashion, stop acting like a spoiled brat and come to an adult resolution.

Answer 4

What is the reason that you want to move back to Iowa? Do you miss your family and friends there? You can talk to them for free with Yahoo Messenger and headphones. You could arrange to visit around Thanksgiving or Christmas.

What is the reason that you dislike North Carolina? Is it because you have difficulty making new friends? Join a group activity like aerobics where you will have contact with other people but will not be pressured into a face to face confrontation.

Why did your husband want to live in North Carolina? Is he from there? Did he get a job there and have to move? Are you even considering his wants and needs?

You have withheld sex? Moved out of the bedroom? Whined? Cried? And nothing worked? Did you expect it to "work"? Who taught you to behave like this? Did you learn it from a soap opera? Truly you should try to make your husband happy and he will try to make you happy. It sounds like you are willing for him to be miserable just so you can be happy. That is not a healthy relationship.

You say that you are almost ready to divorce him over this. Why did you marry him? Maybe you should work and go to school so that you can be in a position to support yourself because if you continue your present behavior I would not be surprised if the decision to divorce your husband will not be left up to you. He will divorce you first.

You say that you want help, but probably what you were really looking for was confirmation that what you want is right and advice on how to get your way. Helping you would be to assist you in overcoming your lack of maturity and setting you on a path to happiness and success. The answers you have had so far have pointed you in that direction.

Imagine that you have a child who always is whining and crying to get his or her way. Would you be a patient mother? Would you give your child a time out? Or punishment? Well, how do you expect your husband to act?

Be grateful that your husband is not in the military and that you have to live on a military base while he is overseas. Be grateful that you are not living in some third world country where women have no rights and are treated abominably. In another country a woman who whined and cried to get her own way would have a sorry end.

You really ought to take a deep breath and think seriously of the consequences of your actions. Since school is starting now, at least take some classes so that you can have a little more knowledge to guide you through life. With knowledge and reflection comes wisdom.

You have never answered any questions. You asked three questions all about this topic. In one of your questions you indicate that you and your husband have lived in North Carolina for 5 years, you have no friends, no job and your health is getting worse. This is serious. Five years is surely enough time to make friends and find a job. Your mental health is affecting your physical health and perhaps you should have your physician refer you to a psychiatrist to determine whether you need medication as a crutch to get you going again. Apparently, you just feel sorry for yourself all daylong. This is horrible. You need more help than advice from Yahoo users.

There is a syndrome called seasonal affective disorder that is caused when the days become longer in the fall. It usually occurs later in the year, but if you are generally OK and now you have these feelings of unhappiness, perhaps that is what is affecting you. In your other question you said that you miss the seasons.

Do you really think that you can go back home, get a job and have your old friends back (who are probably married) and you will be single? If your husband has refused to move back for the last 5 years, there must be a strong reason for it, like his job.

These are my suggestions:
Talk to your physician about your unhappiness with your life. Let him know whether you feel better at other times of the year.

Take an aerobics class. Exercise helps you feel better and be healthier. You will also be in a social group but you will not be pressured to make friends. For a couple of months, eat a raw diet (mostly vegetables) for energy and to control your weight so you will feel better and be healthier.

Go to the North Carolina department of vocational rehabilitation. See the link below for your closest office. Get a job and take at maybe take one class in school.

Get headphones and download Yahoo messenger with voice so you can talk to your family for free.

Talk to your husband and tell him you are making some changes in your habits so he might be supportive of you because you are going to adapt to living in North Carolina.

Answer 5

You married your husband for better or for worse. If where you live is going to break up your marriage then you don't sound like you love your hubby to much. If you keep withholding sex and whining and crying, (which by the way is very immature), you are going to lose him anyway. I suggest you rethink your relationship and if you're not happy, then leave and stop making your husband miserable.

Answer 6

You need to decide if living in Iowa alone is better than living with your spouse in North Carolina. He is not going to buckle under to tantrums and being bullied. There is no communication in the relationship. I suggest you grow up, decide what you want and make a decision regarding your own life and where you want to live. Good luck!

Answer 7

I know how it feels to be homesick, but the best way to cure it is exploring the city and taking a tour of it. Give it a couple of months and if you still dont like him tell him how you feel, just remember that you have to support your husband, I dont think you should get a divorce over something like this, pray about it, god will make a way.

Answer 8

Wow, i do no longer even comprehend the place to start. i'm so sorry on your loss. That pal absolutly do not have taken the style of exclusive secret and used it to start gossip. i think of the perfect element which you will do is while human beings call you (that's rude first of all) ask them to comprehend you privateness in this confusing time. Your mom has to comprehend which you mandatory to speak to somebody approximately this so of direction you perfect pal could be the guy to speak to. or you should merely play it off and tell them which you have been out sick and the place might they get such an theory from. this might all pass quickly. I want you the perfect God bless you and your loved ones.

Answer 9

If you can afford it maintain a home in both places...if not then you better work to getting two places in the near future if not... COMPROMISE, COMPROMISE, COMPROMISE. Divorce I feel at this time is definitely an immature solution...please seek counseling from a marital counselor.

Answer 10

try to find something good about NC if for nothing else then for the sake of your husband. If you truly love him you will do this