Trama of kindergarden - please help !?

Question

My granddaughter is just turning 5 in late September and started kindergarden last week. She is very, very bright but socially behind, very shy. She is totally bored at home (new baby and mom is suddenly busy with baby - think she also is feeling a little left out) and has not friends close by to play with. The first day did not go to bad but it has gone down hill from there. She is waking up crying during the night, begging her parents (my daughter) to please don't make her go, crying often during the day. My son-in-law and daughter are heart broken along with me and don't know what to do. Is this normal? How can we make it easier for her or should we have held her back a year. She has always been a home raised child so we felt this would be a very healthy thing for her. Please help - we are open to any and all suggestions from other parents. Thanks so much !

Answer 1

I would take the time to watch the baby so the mother can have special time with her. Then I ( as the parent) would go to the school and talk with the teacher and brainstorm on different things that can be done at home to help her feel better about school. School is so important. You want to take the time to ingrain that feeling of fun and how imprtant school is now so later down the road other problems don't pop up. Maybe you or her mom could take her to places with lots of other kids, like playgrounds, indoor play places and take the time to make friends with parents of other children and make playdates. Take the time and make the extra effort by example to help her get over her shyness. If you're really concerned about her being behind socially have her tested for a type of autism called asperger's. It's really rare in girls, but it could help explain why she shies away from people and situations. My son has asperger's and he has a hard time understanding peoples different facial expressions. But to tell the truth - it really sounds like she needs that extra attention because of the baby.

Answer 2

I just went through this scenario last year- my daughter had many days and nights of crying, accidents in class, and more...

The teacher should be notified and involved as much as possible. There is only so much you can do- you are not there w/ her in class. It helped that my daughter brought something from home and kept it in her backpack as a reminder of home. It also helped to (i hate to say bribe) but if she had a good day of no crying, we would go to Chuck E. Cheese or she could get the jump rope she wanted.

I think the most important thing though is to establish a good relationship w/ the teacher, that will help your daughter work through it and maybe pair her up with some friends during classtime. I don't think it was a bad idea to put her in Kindergarden now.

Answer 3

My daughter when she started school she was very upset and cried often...if I dropped her off at school it was even worse. SHe went to head start and preschool and the entire first year she was shy. She made freinds with a few kids but wasn't very talkative. The next year she was more talkative and made conversation with other kids. My daughter also starts kindergarten on Tuesday and I am hoping for the best.

If there is a way for your granddaughter to ride the bus to school that is the best idea. Some one could ride with her the first few days so she knows where shes going on it. And then afterwards she will get used to it. Also maybe mom or dad or even you could volunteer in the class and help her make freinds. She needs to be given more time than just a week too get adjusted. Also have mom talk to the teacher...they are wonderful at helping the children adjust. And she can also ask the teacher how is she acting while she's at school.

She is just crying alot because she has to leave her parents. She is used to being homebound and now that she has to leave her every day routine she is scared. IT happens with change.

Answer 4

No, it's not normal. Pull her out now! She is far too young to be starting kindergarten. I bet she is the youngest in the class. Think about what she is going through right now. She has a new sibling and has started a new school. She’s stressed!

Many parents feel that children should be sent to school when they are ready academically. This has little to do with kindergarten readiness and success. Academic success has nothing with her readiness. What are most important are her social and emotional skills. She is not ready!

If she continues, things will only get worse. She will most likely be held back another year. How would that make her feel? She feels something is wrong with her because she has stayed behind and her peers have moved on. If she moves on to first grade, she will always be the youngest throughout her schooling. She'll miss the cut off age for sports if she is interested. She will also be a 16 year old girl in high school with 18 year old boys. She will end up being a follower.

I teach preschool and always advise late summer born and fall born parents to wait another year to start kindergarten. The parents who decided to send them on anyway regretted their decision. Every child was held back. These children also went through the same problems listed above.

Take her out now, give it a few weeks and put her in preschool (4 or 5 days a week no more than 3 hours per day). Check into Montessori schools. Many offer this option. Arrange many play dates to help her socially. After a year, she will be well prepared for kindergarten. If her parents cannot put her in preschool, start her classes, take her to the park, anything so that she can interact with children one on one and in groups several times a week. Here’s a list of some kindergarten readiness skills. http://www.srvusd.k12.ca.us/schools/REGISTRATION_INFORMATION/KINDERGARTEN/Kindergarten_Readiness_Skills/

She needs to be supported a little bit more emotionally now. She was the center of your and her parent’s world for nearly 5 years and now she has to share you all. Have her parents take time everyday to show their love. She can help with the baby, help with dinner, read her a book….Also, to help her gain some confidence say thing like “Look how high you can climb! You did that without help! Look how many colors you used on your picture!” These phrases are great confidence builders and will help her to feel powerful in a positive way. I get off my soapbox now. Please take my advice and give her the gift of another year. Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm a parent of 4 young adult children (17 - 25) and I work in an elementary school for the past 11 years. From my experience:

#1 Don't make a big deal about her crying. Don't. That is the worst thing we see at school, the parents fawning over the child instead of being firm and telling them that this is their school, they are SAFE, to have a good time, say "I Love You and I'll see you at whatever time," and LEAVE THE CLASSROOM! Eventually they should try to say goodbye to her outside the classroom and then outside the building. This is what I did with my 2nd oldest. He was very insecure about the new school and new kids situation, but he got over it within the week. My kids trusted me and my husband and if we were fine with something, then they were too because they saw our confidence and comfort in the situation. Kids definitely sense our energy and feelings.

#2 It is NORMAL that she cry, she hasn't been with other kids. This is totally expected by the teacher for a child that hasn't been in nursery school or play groups with other kids. She's been with her mother all day every day. But she will realize that being with her peers is WAY MORE FUN than being with her mom and her new sibling.

#3 The waking up at night and crying bit needs to be taken in hand by the parents. I know they must feel devastated and think they are torturing their child by sending her to the evil school with all those crazy kids :~) but they would do her a disservice if they gave in to her by taking her out of school or keeping her home for a day or two. They will pay the price in the future if they don't nip it in the bud now.

We had a parent who homeschooled her girls until 2nd grade. They were in total control of the mother and screamed and cried every day until the mother withdrew them from the school. After a half dozen meetings, the principal and school psychologist tried to convince the parents to keep them in school, that they needed socialization skills, that they were not the bosses, etc., but to no avail. When I see the mother around town she STILL says it was the biggest mistake she ever made - not putting her foot down and making her girls attend school. Now the girls are in their teens and they have been to 6 different private schools. This is the extreme, I know, as there were other issues at play in the home, but not taking a firm stand against young children is the biggest error of parents today. Children need direction and told what to do because they are little and they don't know what to do. I am amazed when parents give in to kids' demands, and I see it every day.

Your daughter should ask the teacher as teacher's have plenty of experience with these situations. If the teacher is mature enough she can be trusted to give good advice. If not, then she should speak to the Child Study Team or School Psychologist for advice. These professionals see these situations all the time and they know how to handle them.

What your granddaughter is going through is not unique. Good luck to you and your daughter and son-in-law. And good luck to your granddaughter, too!

Answer 6

Is she in full day or half day KG? Can she get in a half day program instead if she is in full day right now?

What does her teacher say? Does the teacher feel it is beyond the normal upset that some KG kids have? My middle daughter is in KG right now. There is a girl in her class who tried to go last year but wasn't ready. That little girl is doing GREAT now this year.

I would seriously consider holding her back and sending her to KG next fall -OR- homeschooling her for KG and trying to start her in 1st grade next year.

Answer 7

Did she go to a preschool program at all? If she were my child I would have put her in a preschool program first especially if she has been at home all of her life. Kids need to learn to interact with other children. I have a son who will turn 4 in 2 weeks he has been in daycare and now he is in Head Start, H.S. is a program to ready children for Kindergarten. You might think about maybe pulling her out of Kindergarten and putting her in a preschool program.

Answer 8

HOMESCHOOL ALL THE WAY!!!!! She is pretty clear, she doesn't want to go. She should not go. There is no earthly reason for her to suffer like this.

K is far too young for most kids to leave home. My sons were 5 and newborn - if I'd sent the oldest off to school, they wouldn't have had the wonderful opportunities to bond. I think it would feel horrible to have a new babe in the house and get sent away every day. Especially to school. UGH.

HOMESCHOOL is wonderful! we unschool and wouldn't do it any other way. Rescue this girl.

Answer 9

Put her in half day pre school for this year. Start kindrgarten next year when she is more socially ready.

Answer 10

i bet shes jealous of having her baby sibling home while she is in school. just make sure she knows that no one will take her place, she is just going to have to share mommy. all of my sisters and my self (10 girls) were jealous now #9 is starting preschool and she is jealous of #10 kids are like that, they get jealous.