Trama of Kindergarden - please help !?

Question

My granddaughter is just turning 5 in late September and started kindergarden last week. She is very, very bright but socially behind, very shy. She is totally bored at home (new baby and mom is suddenly busy with baby - think she also is feeling a little left out) and has not friends close by to play with. The first day did not go to bad but it has gone down hill from there. She is waking up crying during the night, begging her parents (my daughter) to please don't make her go, crying often during the day. My son-in-law and daughter are heart broken along with me and don't know what to do. Is this normal? How can we make it easier for her or should we have held her back a year. She has always been a home raised child so we felt this would be a very healthy thing for her. Please help - we are open to any and all suggestions from other parents. Thanks so much !

Answer 1

Kindergarten is always hard ... I know my 8 year old was extremely shy and it can be overwhelming. We did however decided to keep Jared out one more year because I didn't feel he was ready for it. To us it was the best decision. But since she has already started I don't think it would be the best decision to take her out right now.. because next year you are facing the same thing. Things to help, open communication with the teacher, volunteering in the class rooms, hold play dates with other students in the class, maybe throw a little party to get to know other people .. make it exciting, a reward system for good behavior about going to school. There are many ways to move forward and even your teacher has been faced with this before. Therefore should have other suggestions .. but always let your little girl know that you are proud of her when she goes to school willingly.

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 2

First when combined with a new sibling this response is very VERY normal. There is suddenly a little person in her space, and worse - she's being shuffled off away from mom / dad while that person gets to stay home (from her point of view).

Do NOT give in - that sets a horrible precidence. However, I would try several things:

1. If mom or dad can go to school with her even for an hour or so to observe it might give you ideas on how to better integrate her with classmates (don't be afraid to ask the teacher's advice and help too!)

2. Verbally focus on how proud you are of her - that she's so grown up and school is such a great thing ! You kind of have to play cheerleader for a while.

3. Set up a reward system - little things that she wouldn't normally get when she has a good day. After a while, up the reward system to having good full weeks.

4. set aside some special mom/dad time without the baby as practicable. She needs to feel that she's not being left out.

Hope this helps.!

Answer 3

My honest opinion is that if you allow her to not go to school she will have learned that this is how you get mommy, daddy and grandma to do things for me. Just reassure her that school is a good and fun place to be, send her off in the morning and she will eventually get over it.

But you also need to find out if there are any kids bothering her at school. That may be the problem. At that point a sit down with the teacher is necessary to talk about your concerns (actually talking to the teacher may be a good way to get him/her involved in making the kid feel more comfortable at school as well) so that the teacher can in turn talk with the parents of the bully child.

I remember when my son started daycare he cried the first couple of times but he got over it. And it was heartbreaking, but I didn't coddle him and neither did the day care workers too much. It took about a week.

Answer 4

This reminds me of what I went through starting kindergarten. For children who are shy, large social situations can be extremely intimidating and if it is her first time going to school she is going to need time to adjust. Let the teacher know what is going on so that she is aware and can help her feel more secure with her new surroundings. Your granddaughter has not yet realized that kindergarten is a safe place to be and when she enters the classroom she immediately wants to retreat into the safe harbor of home back with mom and the baby. This is normal, although difficult to watch her experience. Be understanding when she cries, but it is necessary that she learns to socialize and begin her education and she is ready to go to school. Encourage her to find an activity that she enjoys such as painting or jumping rope and join a nice kid who is playing the same activity. When she makes some friends, she will feel happier and want to attend school.
I know this a tough experience. When I entered the kindergarten 18 years ago, my parents had recently divorced. I was very shy at first and refused to speak with anyone even the teacher which led her to believe I was emotionally behind and she recommended that I repeat the kindergarten year. My Dad pulled me out of that school in the middle of the year and enrolled me somewhere else but I had started making friends with kids at my first school and I missed them so much that Mom put me back in the first school. There was still the threat that I would have to repeat the year, but what the teacher had not known was that I taught myself to read at the age of 4 and was very proficient for a kindergartener. When she realized I could read, there was no more discussion of retaining me in kindergarten and I graduated to the first grade.
Long story short- you mentioned that your granddaughter is very bright. Her abilities in other areas can help her to deal with her socialization issues. With the teacher's help, you can build this girl's confidence in the classroom. It will take time, but don't give up!! School was an uphill climb for me, but I am graduating college this spring with a degree in Liberal Studies for teaching. My early shyness and troubles in school gave me an understanding and love for children that I would not have had unless I persevered through the struggle. I know your granddaughter can do it! Show her you believe in her so that she will believe in herself.
Good Luck and God Bless,
Melissa

Answer 5

the first thing you can do is to cheer her up and at least make her stop her constant crying. when she gets into a good mood, (which would hopefully happen soon) it might help to try to introduce her to kids of the same age, perhaps the chileren of your friends or maybe some neighbors. one friend would do for now, just to make her open up a bit. it would be great if this new friend also goes to the same school, so he/she can accompany your granddaughter to diminish her feeling of being left out. talking to the teacher will can also help, so he/she will know how to treat your kid in school without making her feel alienated by others.

hope this helps.

Answer 6

I merely went with the help of this example very last year- my daughter had many days and nights of crying, injuries in college, and bigger... the instructor should be notified and in touch as a lot as plausible. there is in worry-free words a lot you could do- you at the prompt are not there w/ her in college. It helped that my daughter presented something from domicile and saved it in her backpack as a reminder of domicile. It also helped to (i hate to assert bribe) yet when she had a strong day of no crying, we would pass to Chuck E. Cheese or she ought to get the leap rope she needed. i imagine the biggest ingredient although is to be certain a strong courting w/ the instructor, that can help your daughter paintings with the help of it and perchance pair her up with some pals for the period of classtime. i don't think of it change right into a nasty theory to positioned her in Kindergarden now.

Answer 7

Talk to her about this situation. Set up playdates with the other children and parents. Soon, she'll be more socially active and can make friends on her own. Good luck

Answer 8

Wish I could help with this one...but I have never faced this type of situation. My feeling is that it may be even harder if she is held back a year, and she may be even further behind socially and in other ways as well.

Answer 9

Separation anxiety can be as much a parental thing as a child thing...

if staying at the school a little longer is possible...do so...
hang out and play.

the newness and new kids can be uncomfortable...
but your grand daughter will grow accustomed to it ...
she'll have to adapt...
giving in to her pleas would be catastrophic.

Sure it's heartbreaking...but it has to be done and it has to be accomplished soon...sooner the better.

Best of success

Answer 10

Try to talk to her and see why she is so upset. I would not home school her . That is not the answer. She needs to go to school. Have her mom talk to the teacher for advice.