How do I get my bf's 12 yr old sister to treat me better?

Question

I’m 23; I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and finally living together. His sister is 12 & for 4 days she cried every night that he wasn’t home. We live maybe 5 miles away. (He stayed at college before so there were yrs where he wasn’t home). Throughout the years I tried acting like a big sister. Sticking up for her bc of bullies, talking to her about friends, boys, & shopping.
However, there are plenty of days where she treats me like crap. She has a bad attitude at times and thinks its okay. Because no one really tells her its not, or when they do they don’t discipline her. When she is together with us, he does tell her to stop with being cocky and such. And we don’t take her places with us for a while bc of her attitude. I’ve realized her parents won’t say anything… (they do but she doesn't listen) but my feelings get hurt. I understand she’s 12. But when I was 12 – I could not talk back.

Answer 1

JUST KEEP ON BEING NICE.....SHELL LEARN TO LOVE YOU

Answer 2

First thing do not take the way she behaves personally.....her attitude is not a reflection of you as a person. Your feeling should not be hurt. She is expressing herself and when she is with you and your boyfriend it is up to you as adults to set boundaries and to have consequences in place when she is behaving badly. She will soon realize that all her actions come with a consequence this may be good or bad.......so when she is behaving apporpriately reward her through verbal praise. And when she is mouthing off give her a warning and then take her home! If itis not possible to take her home, take away a privledge, just be sure to be consistent. Follow through is key!
I teach grade 7 and 8 and I have so much fun but I am firm and consistent and the students respect this, we have a great time together but only because we show each other mutal respect. Good luck!

Answer 3

Unless someone settles down on this young lady, she's just going to continue her behavior because.....she can.
Yes, she's 12, and she's growing up & things are happening quickly both inside & out, but that still doesn't allow for disrespect. Your fiance needs to tell his sister that she needs to fly right. That he won't stand for her ill-treatment of you. No, she won't get to do things, just plain & simple it won't be tolerated. She'll have a smart answer no doubt, but in the long run, most kids this age realize they need discipline. She'll appreciate it.

Ps. And if he doesn't or won't then I'd wonder what else this man won't stick up for you on.

Answer 4

first of all she is jealous of you being with her brother. she doesn't know how to handle it, and it doesn't seem like her parents know how to handle it either. you catch more flys with honey than with vinegar. always being nice to someone that is being a little brat is tough, but you are supposedly an adult, and i assume you want to have kids someday......don't be so egotistical to think there is no way your kids won't act the same when they reach that age. every kid is different in how they take rejection and discipline. try different tactics, but always be a nice person to her and she will grow out of this phase. if you become a biotch about it she will grow up despising you for the way you treated her. no one ever thinks there actions are uncalled for.....especially a child.

Answer 5

I was a pain in the @$$ at 12 hopefully she will grow out if it, but it took me till about 16 before I did. Be a positive example. She needs one and some one she can turn to.

Answer 6

Jesus! what is happening with parents these days? They are forgetting their responsibilities. If I have a kid, he sure is gonna get diciplined. And not by taking his Nintendo away. The old fashioned way. Spare the rod, Spoil the child. That's one thing any parent needs to go by.

Answer 7

Ask her if she feels threatened by your relationship with her brother. Sounds like not only does she have a bad attitude but it also sounds like she has an Oedipus type complex over her brother. I am not saying she wants him but she probably feels like your are trying to drive a wedge between their relationship and that makes her defensive.

Answer 8

have u told your boyfriend how u feel about her and maybe this 12 yr old girl is missing your brother or has somethin goin on and takes it out on u so you should try talking more with her and if your about to explode just calmly forget about it because if u get mad at her or show fear she will want to do it more. hopeally that helps.

Answer 9

Chin up, sister. You said it yourself, she's 12. Hopefully she'll grow up. Upon meeting my hubby's family, my then-7 yr old nephew promptly sprouted, "I give you three months. He goes through women like water." Well, it's 22 yrs later, and we all got a kick out sharing this prize tidbit at my nephew's wedding.

Answer 10

Your boyfriend needs to understand how much she upsets you. He is her focus so he needs to be the bad guy in this and stick up for you by telling her there are consequences for her actions. One of them should be his extended absence from her company. He should see less and less of her the more she persists with her actions. It has to be him making the move to teach her you're special to him as well. Make him stand up for you more intently. Good luck.

Answer 11

At twelve she knows what she is doing! I say don't let her under your skin, and be around her as little as possible. At least until she grows up a little. She will come around!