child from hell?

Question

last month my husband 7 nephew came to live with us after his mother past away. And ever since the little boy been acting out in the worst ways possible, and have a very rude mouth. and my husband dont want to punish him or beat him what should we do

wait he was like this before his mother past away because when he did wrong she never punished him

I read everyone advice and trying to take it easy with the boy but it's tearing my marriage apart. The part that makes me mad is my husband have other family member he coulder stay with but they didn't want him. me and my husband have 4kids of our own his sisters and brothers maybe one of two the most and they was going to put the boy in frostcare and i told my husband in front of all of them I don't want to see this child go through the frost care system like us bring him. home but it hard for me to focus on work, home and the kids if i can't trust the lil boy to be left alone. meaning i got to keep every eye on him.

Answer 1

WAIT! How can you all say how this little boy is feeling if you have never been a 7 year old who lost a parent. Only defend this boy if you were 7 and your parent died! Now if this child was a problem before this happened then the death does not cause this! He needs to be disiplined or else he will learn to use it as an excuse everytime he gets in trouble. What I am saying is, this problem was pre-existing and should be corrected with disipline. Whether it be time out or taking a privilage away. Therapy would help since a death of a parent is now an issue (But not the cause) This boy needs structure & disipline and you can give this to him. He is lost and doesn't know what's right from wrong. This is from prior parental lack of disipline and it is harmful to this child. PLEASE do not give into him because his mother passed away, we all have to deal with death, it's just some of us experience it earlier in life and it sould not be used as an excuse for bad behavior! When my father passed away when I WAS 7, I didn't fully understand what death was. I didn't realize he was not coming back till I was around 12 - 13. So I went on with my child life with the help of family as it had never happened. I was not treated differently because I lost a parent, and it finally hit me when I was 12 and I got sad, not angry! Good Luck to you!

Answer 2

You do have lay down the rules of your house. Be consistant in what you expect from him. He might even be acting out more than usual so getting help would be advise.

He was already kind of spoil to deal with but at seven if you try physical discipline where they was none before it could back fire. On this I would probably say take it slow and build up. I know it's hard to be thrown into a parental role with a little stranger you didn't raise.

Remember it's hard on both of you. So you might have to create good moments. Nightly readings, teether ball competitions. New expriences that were outside of what he'd done previously.

I would suggest being firm but loving. Take a time out for yourself count to ten. Look at the situation differently and modify your approach. I had a lot of foster sibilings growing up, and they were all subjected to the same discipline of the entire family. Most of them felt extremely happy about that because they always felt like part of the family.

7 is a difficult age they are almost really beginning to understand the world. It is a big blow to lose your mother at that age.

Answer 3

Sounds to me like there may be several issues at hand. 1) It is your husbands nephew. Could you possibly have or show some resentment? Taking in a child that is not yours (even though you have good intentions) can sometimes show in your actions. 2) Could this child be causing a clash between you and your husband? This could be showing and creating more problems for the child. 3) He had discipline problems before he came to your house so obviously he does not know how to act. He could say & do as he pleased. Now he has to learn about disclipine and respect for you and your husband. 4) He has to deal with the loss of his mother. He is in different surroundings, different rules, possibly new friends (depends on how close you lived to his old home), possibly a new school, I'm sure he feels betrayed by his mother, he probably feels like he does not belong at your place, and many other issues going on in his head. My suggestion is some type of counseling for you and your husband so you can learn to deal with his problems, then both of your problems & issues, and finally with the little guy so he can get some help dealing with his frustration and behavioral problems. Good Luck to All Three of You.

Answer 4

Whelp if he was like This BEFORE he came to live with ya'll then take him to a counselor for meds .. sounds like he has had ADHD ... My Boy has it also he was diagnosed at 3 years (that's how bad he was) Hitting screaming banging his head on the floor wall even people not to mention biting ... My boy now (only when he gets mad now) breaks his own toys and sometimes through things .. It takes time for the meds to get in to the system and then to find the right dose ... Mine is on Stretera But there are LOTS of other meds out there look on Web MD to start off at looking at symptoms because it might also be Bipolar issue ...Which is all the more reason the have him seen by the correct Doctor that deals with mental problems ... Good Luck

Answer 5

poor poor dear boy. you need competent parenting help, plus help helping him grieve. the book "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" is a very practical guide to parenting that produces good results. no hitting, no yelling - you're right, the child has suffered enough. But, he'll suffer more if he can't get his behavior together so that people like him and he can meet his goals. You can't beat niceness and self-control into him. You can't shame him into self-confidence.

I have great respect for the task you're taking on. Your job will be very hard and you should expect it to be. Celebrate your achievements, find ways to make the three of you a unit and celebrate your tiny steps forward together. Be sure to find good times, make room for pleasure and joy, no matter how tiny. (Walk slowly through the woods and really look at some flowering plant for a long time.) Whenever you can, ask his opinions and ideas about things, without burdening him with the responsibilities he really needs grownups to take.

Play with him, do things he likes. Chutes and Ladders, Yahtzee, Monopoly, Twister, Mancala, Apples to Apples, Go Fish, tic tac toe, hangman -- all these are good games to try. You can't leave him to himself all the hours you're with him.

(I'm sure a lot of his acting out, tho he was rude before, is worsened by his mom's death. How could it not be?)

Get outside help soon - at least go get that book right now. It'll really help - it's a quick read with lots of illustrations.

Answer 6

Let's drop the notion of beating him, OK? All that accomplishes is that you teach him that, when something makes you mad, the solution is to beat someone smaller than you.

So, his mother had always let him get away with acting out and being rude. You're right to want to teach him otherwise. Do that. Explain the rules of the house to him, and explain the consequences of breaking those rules. When he breaks the rules, punish him. (BTW, the rules of the house should be observed by all -- therefore, no one bad-mouths anyone in the household, including him.)

Whenever possible, natural consequences are the best -- if he breaks something of his, don't replace it; if he makes a mess, make him clean it up, when he's rude, he owes an apology.

When there isn't a "natural consequences" method, you can punish him by giving him time-outs or by taking away privileges.

There are two big problems to deal with here: lack of parenting, and loss of parent.

I agree with those who say counseling is in order. You should also be in close touch with the counselor about what you can do to change his behavior.

Finally, I also agree with those who have said that, whenever possible, give him some of the positive experiences of good family life. Play with him, do fun things, talk to him about what's going on in his life and listen to what he has to say. Talk to him about yourself and your life.

Make a ritual of each person at dinner talking about their day. Build a relationship.

There's no quick fix here, but, I bet if you show him what true, pleasant family life is, he'll prefer it.

Answer 7

Please remember that the child's mother Passed Away. that was his mommy. he is acting out because he is going through an emotional period/trauma right now. you are very loving to take in the child, but put yourself in the child's place. he is dealing with grief and pain in a 7 year old mind. in his mind his world is torn apart. He is probably afraid that now you and your husband will leave him too!!! he needs love, tenderness, extra tlc. after a while when he figures out that you and your hubby are not going anywhere, then he will come around. he is trying to push you two away before you two leave him like his mother did. he may not really understand dealth. you should all have counseling because you and your hubby are still probably grieving too. if you and your nephew can see a therapist once a week, together, then the therapist can help him work through some of the grief, be able to express himself, and the adjustment to his new surroundings. peace and blessings to you and your husband, and nephew, phatbeatz

Answer 8

sometimes parents don't punish their children out of guilt. sometimes they don't punich them out of fear.

this situation is a hard one. he is only 7 however, so not is all lost.

he is seeking out attention for more than just his mother dying.

the best thing I could tell you is you must have patience....

set up some sort of reward system, one he can see. work on his behaviour.....start by adding three of his worst habits and work by a couple hours at first...you list could be....

No Foul Language: Hours Without: Star Points:


for every 10 stars he gets, take him to the dollar store. Pretty soon he will understand that his behaviour has a good outcome.

he sounds as though he may be headed for a social developement class at school. see if they have one available. nip it in the bud while you can.

with his bad behaviour i do not agree in beating, but you certainly can punish him. I would advise NOT to take away anything he enjoys just yet because that would put the fear of loss in his little mind and he's already lost his mom...but eventually you can introduce that. there are "time outs". if he chooses not to stay in time out, someone will have to hold him still no matter how long it takes, no matter how long he kicks or screams. you must also ignore his fits of anger and i assume he probably throws alot of things....ignore the bad behaviour and introduce the rewards for good behaviour...over time eventually things will even out and he will learn that all his good behaviour is more worth the work than the bad. If you give into his bad behaviour, your getting down on his level. (everynow and then, it does help to copy what he does, because sometimes that shows a child that you understand his frustration and this will introduce a bonding). So if he throws a shoe out of anger, you can throw a shoe out of anger and then that will make him know you understand. (just dont throw it at one another). (not only that, but he might look at you like your crazy and realize that this is what he's been doing).

a child of 7 who has never been punished does not know how to express his feelings....but to simply not punish him for anything will not show him a thing. parents are suppose to guid their children without total control. He has had neither!


This pattern needs to be addressed! He has gone without a true parent for far too long....he will continue this behaviour until someone steps up to the plate.....so far, (aside from the beatings you mentioned) your doing great!

I would seriously take this entire thread and talk to your husband.

A child in social developement class is not easy.....and again, this is where he is headed....it's a tough road for a child.

Answer 9

Hello Lovette !
Please do not " beat " him ! His mommy died, and that's all he wants; his mom, ok ? And nothing can bring her back.

I'm sure if it were up to your nephew, his mother would be alive and well, and he would be out of your hair, and back with his mom; however he can't, so he's doing what all children do without a great vocabulary, that we adults are fortunate to have; he's " acting " out.

He's mourning, he's angry that his mom is dead, and he's hurting very much, and he's only seven years old ! Death is a very adult thing for him to deal with, and he needs your support..

It sounds as if your husband might not know how to handle him, or he's afraid to punish him at all; this isn't good either, boundaries, and rules must be enforced, by both his parents; which are you guys. Praise him when he does good, and nurture him; punish when bad.

DO. NOT. BEAT. HIM. I guarantee, if you do, or continue to beat him; in ten years, he will end up on the streets, and/or in prison..

His mother died one month ago; this is all very fresh for him. You all have adjusting to do, especially him.

You definately need a support group; I think it would benefit your new family if you all sought counseling; you need someone to talk to, and help steer you into the right direction, so that you can provide this child with all the help he needs.

Try to keep him busy, so that he burns off alot of energy; you don't want an angry, pent up kid in your house wreaking havoc.

Please give him lots of hugs, let him know that he is safe with you, and that no harm will come to him.

Ask God for patience to deal with this young child, I know it cannot be easy for you. I know that you must be stressed out as well.

And please try to keep in mind that he is a seven year old boy who lost his mother, ok ?
I'm sorry for the loss in your family.

Love, light, and peace
tishy

Answer 10

You can love that child to death and he'll still act out. Spoiling him won't help. He needs to learn manners one way or the other. You can give him the opportunity to talk to you about his mom. Maybe if he opens up he'll stop behaving badly and you and he can make some kind of a connection. Maybe if you tell him how you felt when one of your family members past away, he'll realize you know how he feels and he'll be able to trust you. If all else fails, you'll have to find other methods of punishment, give him chores, ground him or take away something he likes for a week.