As some of you know, I lost my wife recently to cancer.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ao7wJEVSAWVvl9qgPLNWYnLsy6IX?qid=20060831171721AAoer9B
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtpuJU24egsPOKejJK4R9RPsy6IX?qid=20060902115218AAfAmgT
It seems her family, strict christians, were not satisfied with denying her the opportunity to see her son, or to resolve issues with me. They were not satisfied with denying me any opportunity to attend the service, or keeping my name out of the obituary.
Now they've removed my condolence from the webpage set up for that purpose.
How can anyone call themselves 'christian' with so much hatred in their hearts? Or is it because they have so much hatred that they need to cloak themselves in the trappings of christianity to hide the truth from themselves?
My wife told me more than once that she never had self-esteem as a child. She blamed her parents.
I'll never understand their hatred.
2006-09-03 02:48:57 · 13 answers · asked by bobkgin 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Oracle: I loved my wife and showed her that she has value beyond what her parents would permit her. They were happy to have a daughter who would crawl for some crumb of approval they would offer. I gave her the only real love she'd ever known (her words, not mine).
2006-09-03 03:03:22 · update #1
Nelita: Thank you. I do know not all are that way. I've two good friends, both Christian, who are offering me much support both privately and publicly.
And we're not so far apart. We both believe in Love, tho' we may disagree on how we best honour that power.
Peace to you.
2006-09-03 03:08:11 · update #2
vmmhg: ignorance is easy when you refuse to read the two links (both yahoo questions) provided. And I've seen nothing in Christianity to justify their actions. YMMV
2006-09-03 03:26:14 · update #3
Thank you, Katy. I do take comfort from that knowledge. She didn't live a life without the love of another person, which certainly would have been her fate had I not been a part of it.
2006-09-03 03:29:23 · update #4
To start with anyone can call themselves a Christian, it does not mean you are one, I mean you can go around calling yourself an Artichoke but it does not mean you are one! If you hate and do not love then you could not have a relationship with Jesus or know God for God is Love...."Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8
Please pray for your wifes family. Perhaps the grief has caused them to act this way. Who knows why people turn on others and claim to be Christians in the process, this fallen world is full of hateful people, but we must never give up doing good, reaching out and continuing to love as God commands us to do. My prayers are with you and your son. I lost my partner 5 years ago. I do understand your loss.
2006-09-03 03:04:48 · answer #1 · answered by Tanya 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aww, Bob, I am so very sorry for your loss. There is nothing worse than losing a spouse, except maybe losing a parent, which your precious son has had to endure. I lost my husband and the father of my children in 2001. I had no idea about the reasoning behind your questions--it makes so much sense now. I have been down that road. As you know, I am a Christian, but in no way can I understand the mindset that would allow a person to put you through that type of pain upon what you were already going through. I hope you have gleaned from the answers on here, that we aren't all "that way." And I question the sincerity of your inlaws beliefs if that is how they treated you. I know you & I are on opposite sides of the fence in our beliefs, but I *will* pray for you and please know I say that with the utmost respect and best intentions. And I will pray that your wifes family will realize that they are acting the precise way that turns people against Christianity. Hang tough brother.
2006-09-03 03:01:46 · answer #2 · answered by Nelita C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect for your loss, don't accuse Christianity for their behaviour. First off, a spouse has the power over the affairs of their partner unless that partner signs a legal document to give someone else the power to act for them.
There are always two sides to every story, we've heard one. How were they able to keep you and your son from her? You had the power and the right to keep them away from her. Some thing's not right here. Whats their story sound like?
We Christians do not behave that way. But we as people may have reasons to. They were acting as people, not Christians. Why?
2006-09-03 03:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by vmmhg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you won't. I am so sorry for your loss. Get some support for your grieving, your friends, family or a support group for those who have lost love ones.
My dear departed mother in law used to tell me (when talking about her in laws), you can't fix stupid. You don't have any control over their hateful actions and its not your fault.
I don't know what the circumstances are that led to them having so much control over your wife, but out of respect for her, linger on the good memories, let the bad ones float away. Take something that meant something to both of you, a poem a picture some sort of memento and say a blessing over it and burn it and scatter the ashes to the wind or bury it and plant something over it.
The real essence of your relationship with her is in your heart, not in her remains.
2006-09-03 02:58:10 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize for you in your loss, it is never easy to lose a loved one, whatever the reason. There are dysfunctional people in all faiths, that does not excuse the behavior, just the way things are. I would think they would have the decency to allow you to grieve for your loss and share in the service. It will take time for you to move forward in your life after her loss. Healing will come gradually, give yourself time. I sometimes appalled and ashamed at the way some people who name the name of Christ act towards others, they do not reflect the savior or His ways. Please do not judge Christ or the Church based on the actions of some dysfunctional people. My heart truly goes out to you.
2006-09-03 03:02:16 · answer #5 · answered by BrotherMichael 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a number of the vitriol and condescension I even have seen poured out of the atheist camp is extraordinarily hideous additionally. There are hateful human beings on the two aspects to ascertain, besides the indisputable fact that it is not merely "our" undertaking. And truthfully, in case you are able to look at this international on the instant and picture each and every thing is merely peachy with the way human beings act, i think of you are the single with the undertaking. That we are all sinners and all have a fallen nature is likely considered one of the main demonstrable doctrines in christianity. All we could desire to consistently do is look in any respect the atrocities, wars, consumerism etc. Spend sometime being common with your self and you will comprehend you aint no saint the two (i'm utilising this to myself in this occasion). the final element our international desires is a pat on the decrease back, we desire a boot contained in the butt, a awaken call. we don't need somebody to let us know we're not sinners yet that we are, because of the fact properly, we are. the entire message of christianity is approximately reforming oneself, taking accountability for oneself and turning out to be a sparkling advent in Christ. the undertaking isn't the doctrine itself yet HOW human beings can present it. The letter is wonderful, however the letter provider could be ignorant, or rude, or having a bad day, etc. Christians are nonetheless people y'comprehend and are very lots a paintings in progression. the element is how lots greater ignorant, or rude, etc. one must be in the event that they werent christian. In different words, lots of our disposition is via distinctive aspects: genetics, upbringing, even what we ate for breakfast and perchance a no longer so chuffed christian, attempting their toughest, could be a downright terrible and depressing non-christian. Supernatural grace builds upon nature. we don't all initiate out at "accepted" point and then get "chuffed" or "greater appropriate" some human beings have incredibly terrible upbringings, psychological themes, etc. which they are striving to upward thrust above. Such human beings is often greater appropriate christians in God's eyes because of the fact they could desire to warfare ardently to be greater appropriate christians than many others do. purely GOD is familiar with. lamentably...it rather is yet another count altogether...
2016-09-30 07:25:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am terribly sorry for your loss. Not all Christians are the same. Sometimes, I think Christians feel that they have to hate what they think God hates, mainly non-believers. But they couldnt be more wrong. God always wants us to love our neighbors as ourselves ( also remember that we have to love ourselves before we can love others the same) and he wants us to leave their judgement to him. That's his job. Set their hatred aside. You sound to me as if you have the spirituality and a heart that is ready and able to someday believe in God and Jesus. May you find this peace and come to peace with those around you in your days ahead. And keep asking these questions, eventually, you may find the peace you are looking for.
2006-09-03 03:05:23 · answer #7 · answered by +SalvavidaChica+ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am wishing you all the best and hopes for peace in this your time of recovery. It matters not what they think or what they have done. You will heal, you will be better and you will take with you the knowledge that for one brief moment you made a woman happy, gave her self-respect and love and cared. That is all you need.
Take care.
Katy
2006-09-03 03:23:09 · answer #8 · answered by Katy_Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of words for this kind of hypocritical cruelty. They carry cancers in their souls that will never heal. Your wife, at least, is free of them and their hatefulness. It hurts me that you and her son have also become estranged; you might have comforted one another in your mutual loss, but give that time. It may be that he is wiser than they and will come seek you out as you did him.
Peace, my friend.
2006-09-03 03:02:56 · answer #9 · answered by Babs 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A true chritian never hates.. Christianity is all about love and care and compassion.....
Not everyone is the same...... And do not judge all christians based on that family or on an individual case...
2006-09-03 02:58:56 · answer #10 · answered by Natasha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋